DONE

sugarplum92473

Hey everyone -

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-making-grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f364a292-1776-44d2-acbf-549af0e4583fPost:3ed547fb-a2c1-4ff7-9b60-a12d95afa9ee">MOH is making me GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey everyone - I need help!! My MOH is being a real pain, so far she tells me EVERYTHING i want to plan ...that it is still to soon for me to do things.Im getting married May 7, 2011 and I know that it is a bit soon but I also would liek to get some things done so I can enjoy it all! Im so frustrated. I feel like she is being so unsupportive. Everything is about her. She wont go bridesmaid dress shopping til she has her baby because she doenst want to look fat so now I have to wait to go shopping which i really dont mind but...she was sooooo rude about it. HELP!!! If I tell her she is out of the wedding, she will never speak to me again and if I try to talk to her, she will be really rude. I know, why would I want a friend like this...we go way back! Help!!! Wedding Blues
Posted by sugarplum92473[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You asked too early. Bms don't need to do anything until about 6 months out fmor the actual wedding. Bms don't nee to select a dress until WAY later. Just because she is not all go go ga ga over your wedding right now does not mean she doesn't support her. And she's right about not wanting to try a  dress on now....she's pregnant for Christ's sake. Give her a break.</div><div>
</div><div>If you kick her out, it IS a friend ending move. She is not being a MOH, you are being a bad friend who is expecting WAY too much from others.

</div>

britne28

Ok, take a deep breath.  First don't make her go dress shopping until a few months prior to your wedding.  You can plan the big stuff like location and things.  But the dresses don't need to be done yet.  She is not going to be as excited as you are about your wedding.  Won't ever happen.  And you can't "fire" her, that will end the friendship.  So stop talking wedding with her for awhile.  You are probably overwhelming her.  And if she is pregnant, she has higher priorities.  And if you pressured her to do dress shopping now then she was probably irritated with you.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-making-grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f364a292-1776-44d2-acbf-549af0e4583fPost:3ed547fb-a2c1-4ff7-9b60-a12d95afa9ee">MOH is making me GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey everyone - I need help!! My MOH is being a real pain, so far she tells me EVERYTHING i want to plan ...that it is still to soon for me to do things.Im getting married May 7, 2011 and I know that it is a bit soon but I also would liek to get some things done so I can enjoy it all! Im so frustrated. I feel like she is being so unsupportive. Everything is about her. She wont go bridesmaid dress shopping til she has her baby because she doenst want to look fat so now I have to wait to go shopping which i really dont mind but...she was sooooo rude about it. HELP!!! If I tell her she is out of the wedding, she will never speak to me again and if I try to talk to her, she will be really rude. I know, why would I want a friend like this...we go way back! Help!!! Wedding Blues
Posted by sugarplum92473[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>She's right.  It's way to early to be thinking of BM dresses yet.  Losing the baby weight is a real concern.  And even if it isn't that, most people will gain or lose some weight over the course of 14 months.  It is really wrong of you to insist that she start dress shopping now.  Wait until next winter to start thinking about dresses.  </div><div>
</div><div>If you want to plan other aspects of your wedding, go ahead.  There's no need for her to be involved in that.  Book your venue, line up your photographer and choose your food.  But insisting that someone else start thinking about dresses so early is wrong.</div><div>
</div><div>And you're right.  Kicking her out of your wedding would be a horrible thing to do and it would ruin your relationship.  You need to realize that you are the one being ridiculous here and relax.  

</div>

gottahavashorti

She's right here.  You need to listen to her.

mbcdefg

Why would you be shopping for bridesmaids' dresses a year out?

Chill out.

CTGirl30

You have a ways to go until your wedding still and for now, there's not much for the MOH or any of the BMs to do.

Planning your wedding is your responsibility (not your MOHs or BMs) so you and your FI can be talking about ideas and you can be making appointments with vendors and thinking about things you might like to do...but for your attendants, this is a LONG ways off for them. Nobody will be as excited as you and your FI will be for the wedding. Doesn't mean they aren't good friends or that they don't support your marriage. I think you need to relax your expectations over the next year and 2 months.  Her concerns about weight loss post-baby are valid ones. Try to be a little sensitive to that and realize that while it's fine for you to start brainstorming about BM dresses now, that is makes NO SENSE to actually start shopping for them now.  Styles change, you might change your mind on colors (I know I did), and lines can be discontinued. The actual BM dress shopping can take place about 5-6 months prior to your wedding date so relax on that for now.

mbcdefg

Why would you be shopping for bridesmaids' dresses a year out?

CTGirl30

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-making-grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f364a292-1776-44d2-acbf-549af0e4583fPost:ea12ed8f-9620-4288-8135-be5cf371df32">Re: MOH is making me GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I DID NOT ASK HER TO GO DRESS SHOPPING AT ALL!!!! When I asked her to be my Maid of Honor ladies...her response was...I am not going dress shopping pregnant!!!!!! That is no way to say yes. I dont talk to her about the wedding at all. I am the lowest maintaince bride ever and I AM DEFINITLY NOT A BAD FRIIEND. THis was the wrong place to ask for help or advice. I expect her to be very concerned about her being pregnant and her priorities are defnitly higher right now with the baby coming...we talk everyday about HER pregnancy NOT my wedding because I know thats whats important for her right now!  Dont think I will be posting here ever again! Thanks for the help!
Posted by sugarplum92473[/QUOTE]

How was anyone to know you hadn't asked her to go dress shopping? In your original post you wrote, "<em>She wont go bridesmaid dress shopping til she has her baby because she doenst want to look fat so now I have to wait to go shopping which i really dont mind but...she was sooooo rude about it."</em> So it was only natural for us to assume - based on that information - that you had asked her to go dress shopping. We're not mind readers here.

And then you asked about kicking her out of the wedding. You might want to read the New Here? sticky at the top of the page. Kicking out a BM is a very bad idea...friendship ending, 99% of the time.

Well, that's unfortunate that you won't be posting again but I do hope you'll continue reading on this board since it's a great source of helpful information that can help you keep your priorities in the right place - even when Wedding Brain takes over and you're on the verge of damaging friendships in the name of Your Speshul Day.  Good luck in your planning.

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]Why would you be shopping for bridesmaids' dresses a year out?
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]
My MOH, one of my BMs and I started looking at dresses online over a year out because we like to kill time looking at pretty things online that we can't buy right now.  We did go BM dress shopping about a year out at their request due to scheduling issues.  I didn't think it was terribly necessary but it was what they wanted.

I did ask my WP way too early, though.

CaraDonna

<p>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-making-grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f364a292-1776-44d2-acbf-549af0e4583fPost:ea12ed8f-9620-4288-8135-be5cf371df32">Re: MOH is making me GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I DID NOT ASK HER TO GO DRESS SHOPPING AT ALL!!!! When I asked her to be my Maid of Honor ladies...her response was...I am not going dress shopping pregnant!!!!!! That is no way to say yes. I dont talk to her about the wedding at all. I am the lowest maintaince bride ever and I AM DEFINITLY NOT A BAD FRIIEND. THis was the wrong place to ask for help or advice. I expect her to be very concerned about her being pregnant and her priorities are defnitly higher right now with the baby coming...we talk everyday about HER pregnancy NOT my wedding because I know thats whats important for her right now!  Dont think I will be posting here ever again! Thanks for the help!
Posted by sugarplum92473[/QUOTE]

Sugarplum, don't be so discouraged.  You can get a lot of great help on these boards, BUT word to the wise -- Make sure you are typing the message you are trying to relay clearly.  In your first message, to the outside reader, it seemed like you were the one suggesting dress shopping this early, which is why you received the feedback you did.</p>
<p>For now, I would just let her have her time with her pregnancy (as you seem to be doing) and about 6 months out from the wedding you can get her more involved.  I would just focus on the big aspects of your wedding for now (church, venue, caterer, florist, DJ, etc. as they can book up a year in advance) - and enjoy reading all the wedding magazines and thinking about colors and your dress :)</p>

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-making-grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f364a292-1776-44d2-acbf-549af0e4583fPost:ea12ed8f-9620-4288-8135-be5cf371df32">Re: MOH is making me GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I DID NOT ASK HER TO GO DRESS SHOPPING AT ALL!!!! When I asked her to be my Maid of Honor ladies...her response was...I am not going dress shopping pregnant!!!!!! That is no way to say yes. I dont talk to her about the wedding at all. I am the lowest maintaince bride ever and I AM DEFINITLY NOT A BAD FRIIEND. THis was the wrong place to ask for help or advice. I expect her to be very concerned about her being pregnant and her priorities are defnitly higher right now with the baby coming...we talk everyday about HER pregnancy NOT my wedding because I know thats whats important for her right now!  Dont think I will be posting here ever again! Thanks for the help!
Posted by sugarplum92473[/QUOTE]

<div>Actually, that's exactly what you said in your original post.  "She won't go dress shopping pregnant."  That was your chief complaint.  She's not doing anything wrong.  </div><div>
</div><div>I know it sucks to find out that you are wrong, but you are.  You are freaking out over nothing, and you need to relax.  Otherwise, the next 14 months is going to be hell for you and for your friends.  </div>

stina93446

Oh now you did it, sugarplum. DDs only make you look immature. And it does absolutely nothing when others quote what you wrote.

mbcdefg

Yeah, I can see now why this chick is not so keen on "supporting" you.

duckie1905

Thanks for the JIC copy.

To the OP-your post was very WAAAAAAAAAA ME ME ME and addtionally, also very unclear.  If you want answers that fit your situation you need to provide relevant info.

But, part of me thinks that your second post was just an attempt to make us think that you aren't being as high maintenance as you really are.

tidetravel

Aww...  OP took took her ball and went home before I got to play. 

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-making-grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f364a292-1776-44d2-acbf-549af0e4583fPost:a5a7b99c-2836-4a5c-aeae-069373d0d493">Re: DONE</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh now you did it, sugarplum. DDs only make you look immature. And it does absolutely nothing when others quote what you wrote.
Posted by stina93446[/QUOTE]

<div>The first post already cleared up any questions about her maturity level.</div><div>
</div><div>I always wonder what married life must be like for "women" who behave this way toward their friends.  </div>

duckie1905

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I never had a moment in which I wanted to kick out my MOH because she didn't want to go dress shopping.  I never had a ME moment because regardless of the fact that I was getting married the people in my life still mattered to me and I understood that my wedding was only the center of my life and not anyone else's.

Was there stress?  Yes, sometimes.

You are overreacting and unless she has done something other than not wanting to buy the dress now (too early anyway) she isn't the one being the pain.

And no, we don't know you.  But we know what you tell us and react accordingly.  No one person was cruel to you.  Just honest.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-making-grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f364a292-1776-44d2-acbf-549af0e4583fPost:d05d10e7-ac78-499b-b476-dbc29d5f0844">Re: DONE</a>:
[QUOTE]or ur just RUDE as all hell!!! I'm sure married life to you is a real treat!
Posted by sugarplum92473[/QUOTE]

<div>Nope, I'm not rude.  And I don't make a habit of behaving like a 4 year old or of going nuts on my MOH for no reason.</div><div>
</div><div>Perhaps you should go somewhere and calm down and come back and read this post again later.  It might be a good learning experience for you to actually see how you come off.  </div>

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-making-grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f364a292-1776-44d2-acbf-549af0e4583fPost:d05d10e7-ac78-499b-b476-dbc29d5f0844">Re: DONE</a>:
[QUOTE]or ur just RUDE as all hell!!! I'm sure married life to you is a real treat!
Posted by sugarplum92473[/QUOTE]

snap, she told us!  I bet you feel bad for our husbands! :)

duckie1905

Maybe she knew you'd be up her @ss to go shopping right away and she wanted to make sure you knew that wasn't cool with her.

Just a thought.

But, I still fail to see how she is being a pain.  This one little thing doesn't qualify.

Licia&Wayne

"No just rude. I stated later that I NEVER asked her to go dress shopping that her respose when I asked her to be my MOH was "IM NOT GOING DRESS SHOPPING TIL AFTER I HAVE THE BABY". NO congrats to me or anything."

Before i start - sorry, my quote button is apparently taking a day off.

So essentially what you're saying, OP, is that because your MOH didn't jump up and down and congratulate you and put all her attention toward fussing over your engagement and subsequent wedding, you think that's rude. It's rude just because she didn't fawn all over you?

Give. Me. A. Break. Let it go OP. She wasn't rude. She just didn't give you the reaction you wanted. There's a huge difference.

Licia&Wayne

Oh huh, sugarplum must have deleted the post I was trying to quote...And here I thought TK was just buggy today. Turns out it's just a case of immaturity.

bablingbrooke

Why would anyone go shopping while pregnant for a wedding that's over a year away?  I mean you just defy logic here with your demands.

lalap69

Aw, I missed out on all the fun.

OP needs to chill out and back off with the wedding planning.  You shouldn't be involving anyone else at this stage.

aerinpegadrak

Both my MOH and my sister got pregnant pretty early into my two-year engagement.  It wasn't even a question that they'd wait to choose their dresses.  (I had already told them they could wear any black dress they liked.)  I'm not sure when my sister chose hers, but I know MOH only picked hers up at about two months out. 

Being pregnant is really hard on your body, the last thing you want to do is get shoved into a bunch of dresses that just remind you how fat you are.  Even if she were a little blunt while bringing it up (which shouldn't surprise you, because she's either always a blunt person and isn't going to change because you're throwing a party, or she's just edgy because her little chestburster is dumping all sorts of fun new hormones into her system), it's still a valid concern.

Try showing a little common courtesy to your friend.  If you be a friend first and The Bride second, you'll probably find that most of your problems with people about your wedding magically disappear.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-making-grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f364a292-1776-44d2-acbf-549af0e4583fPost:574b41dd-ff18-4d6f-b259-87366a9ba00b">Re: DONE</a>:
[QUOTE]If you be a friend first and The Bride second, you'll probably find that most of your problems with people about your wedding magically disappear.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
That is such good advice it's worth repeating.

blackfire5th

But guys, she is like the lowest maintenance bride ever!!!!!!!111!!!!!111111

kitchykitch

I like what Aeirnpeadrak had to say. She outlined the original comments that was made were basiclly not cool...but at the same time was senstive to the Bride and maybe the assumptions everyone is making about this girl...just isnt fair.

I'd say no matter what we all like to think we all had a moment during our wedding planning that we were a bit divaish, bridezillaish or a little out of control!.

Seems alot of people are making assumptions about her even if it was wrong of her to act as she did but we also do not know this MOH...she may not be a great friend either. Either way...sounds like everyone put her in her place whether needed or not.

Just my opinion!!!