What exactly should my bridesmaids be paying for?

chudson2011

I have a question to add...

How much are bridesmaids expected to pay for the bridal shower? What is reasonabl and what is not?

Thank you!

revived86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_exactly-should-bridesmaids-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f427ffcc-84eb-43af-a586-4cdf292d8ab5Post:1c38cd3d-f4dc-4f17-b7dc-5a356f62ea42">Re: What exactly should my bridesmaids be paying for?</a>:
[QUOTE] Ultimately, while I can't afford to dress them, my idea for the 'look' of the wedding party is each amazing woman looking her best, in her own eyes. Because while this is my wedding, this is not 'my day'. I believe this day is about our family and friends coming together (a monumental event in and of itself), to celebrate our union. This day is also about my FI and I making a commitment to our community, to be productive and supportive members of our town. It may just be me, but I don't believe that a wedding is about acting like a princess with a court of lesser princesses surrounding me. 
Posted by PetraStonegirl[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this Petra! Thank you writing this!

revived86

Soooo reading this thread has really made me feel that I need to get my girls something else little besides the (really expensive personalized handmade) jewelry I already bought them. And I have a week til my wedding. Ahhhhhh.....

nabbride

No one has mentioned showers nor batchelorette parties...
Should the BMs pay for the food if they are giving the shower?
Should the BMs pay for the Bride the night of her batchelorette party?

banana468

To PPS:

It's not about what the bride wants if that goes totally against the BM's comfort zone.

And I stand by what was stated at the beginning:

-The BM's don't HAVE to throw a shower.  If they agree to do one then they figure out the cost amongst themselves.

-It all depends on what is decided for the bachelorette.  The BMs and MOH generally get together to do it and pay for the bride.  The bride shouldn't be dictatorial about ANY aspect of those parties or really anything to her BMs.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_exactly-should-bridesmaids-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f427ffcc-84eb-43af-a586-4cdf292d8ab5Post:f1c01cd7-48eb-4668-bc9a-e9422894091a">Re: What exactly should my bridesmaids be paying for?</a>:
[QUOTE]No one has mentioned showers nor batchelorette parties... Should the BMs pay for the food if they are giving the shower? Should the BMs pay for the Bride the night of her batchelorette party?
Posted by nabbride[/QUOTE]

Hosts of any party, wedding-related or not, more or less by definition pay for the party. If the BMs decide that they would like to host a prewedding party, they would therefore pay for whatever that party is, but they don't have to host in the first place.

Reghan

I think the general answer is right. My bridesmaids paid for their own dresses (and we kept it cheap!), and they'll pay for their own nails (if they so choose) and hair (I'm not requiring they get it done professionally). And since I'm probably going to do the majority of my own makeup, we're going to do the BMs makeup also, so they won't have to pay for that. It will just be simple and natural. The basic rule of thumb is that you at least keep your BMs in the black - make up for what they have to pay for in other ways.

revived86

Ok, so now I have a question about something...I am having my stylist come to my house with an assistant to do everyone's hair and makeup. I am asking the girls to chip in $30 for both, to offset the (somewhat high) cost a little bit (We will be still be paying about 2/3 of the total cost.)

The thing is, although I'm not making it "required" that my girls do this, I would honestly really like them to. I am having a formal wedding, and i just would like all my bridesmaids to "look the part," so to speak. I'm not forcing any certain hairstyle or makeup colors or anything, but I just feel that it would really pull the whole look together if all the girls had professionally done hair and makeup. There's also the important note that pretty much all of them have no experience with the whole wedding thing (only one is married herself and she had an informal outdoor wedding,) and a few of them are really not the types to dress up very much or know how to do their hair and makeup really nicely. I just feel like it would look silly if like, 4 of them looked very nice and formal and the other 3...didn't. Lol.

I am probably making too big a deal out of this, but I just wanted to see what you guys think. Is it unfair of me to want them all to get their hair and makeup done if I am asking them to chip in, even tho it's really a small amount?

For context, i let them pick their own dresses, they're wearing any silver shoes they want, we're paying for manicures and pedicures and we are hosting all the out-of-towners at a hotel.

aerinpegadrak

I'm having a stylist come by too, just because it makes life easier, but I'm paying for the whole thing.  I asked them each what they'd be comfortable contributing toward the cost if I couldn't pick up the tab, and three of the six said they couldn't pay at all.  So I shopped around to find someone I could afford, then dug deep in my personal budget (I started bringing my lunch to work rather than buying) until I could afford it.

A little understanding from the bride, especially in the form of asking before just assuming you have the right to spend people's money for them, goes a long way.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_exactly-should-bridesmaids-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f427ffcc-84eb-43af-a586-4cdf292d8ab5Post:83e27a7e-113b-42eb-9b0a-280ded183945">Re: What exactly should my bridesmaids be paying for?</a>:
[QUOTE]I opted to pay for half of their dresses as part of my gifts to them.  As, we're in our mid-twenties and all on budgets.  I purchased necklases I would like them to wear as well, as the other part of their gift.
Posted by dizydes[/QUOTE]

I'm paying 100% of their dresses, but I in no way consider that to be part of their thank you gift.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_exactly-should-bridesmaids-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f427ffcc-84eb-43af-a586-4cdf292d8ab5Post:be1a193a-5665-44dd-905e-f3455d8b3d5b">Re: What exactly should my bridesmaids be paying for?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a question to add... How much are bridesmaids expected to pay for the bridal shower? What is reasonabl and what is not? Thank you!
Posted by chudson2011[/QUOTE]

<div>If you have a question, you'll get better info if you make a new post, rather than tack it on to the end of a long thread.</div><div>
</div><div>Anyway, throwing a shower is optional.  If the BMs decide to throw a shower, they get together (sometimes led by the MOH or another BM) and each decide what they each can reasonably contribute to the shower.  Then they get a budget and plan accordingly.  No one is expected to, and reasonable is what each girl says she can reasonably afford.  </div>

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_exactly-should-bridesmaids-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f427ffcc-84eb-43af-a586-4cdf292d8ab5Post:a711bb35-137f-46fd-b982-03ded298f923">Re: What exactly should my bridesmaids be paying for?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so now I have a question about something...I am having my stylist come to my house with an assistant to do everyone's hair and makeup. I am asking the girls to chip in $30 for both, to offset the (somewhat high) cost a little bit (We will be still be paying about 2/3 of the total cost.) The thing is, although I'm not making it "required" that my girls do this, I would honestly really like them to. 
Posted by revived86[/QUOTE]

<div>It depends on how you phrase it.  If you said "BTW, I'm having someone come out to do my hair/make up, and they can do yours if you'd like.  If you'd like yours done, I'll need you to throw in $30, and I'll cover the difference."  This is fine.  If you said "Someone is coming to do our hair and make-up, and I'll need you to throw in $30 for yours."  Then you'd be in the wrong.  </div><div>
</div><div>If you're putting them in a position where they probably wouldn't feel great about saying no, then you need to be paying for it.  It doesn't matter if you dictate the style or anything.  </div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Chudson, whoever throws the shower pays for it. So it oculd be two BMs, your MOH, all your BMs, or someone who isn't a BM at all. But whoever hosts should expect to pay. The BMs don't have to contribute equal amounts unless they ALL agree to host the party together.

ashleybombshell

I personally am having the BM's pay for their own dresses, but I'm trying to keep the price low (especially since 3 of them are my fiance's sister and her two teenage daughters). I'm trying to make it a price that I wouldn't mind paying if I had to buy a dress, which I think is fair.

As for hair and make-up, I'm coving hair. One of my friends is a hair dresser and I plan to pay her about $100 to do all of our hair (which is also nice for her because all of that money goes into her pocket, and she'll be at the wedding anyway). Nails are on them, and we'll all just help each other out with make-up.

If you're considering covering hair and make-up, or you just want to save all of yourselves money, think about checking out some of the beauty/hair schools in your area. It's always cheaper there, and you may even be able to hire a girl that's about to graduate (or just recently did) to style everyone for a fraction of the price.

Good luck. 

angsmith505

My bridesmaids are paying for their dress, shoes and hair if they want to do their own make up they can if not my make up artist will do it which they will pay for.  If we had more money for the wedding I would of liked to of payed for their dresses but oh well

crookerwalker

Wow. I had no idea that this would get so many replies! It's been interesting reading all of your points of view on this topic. My wedding is still over a year away so my fiance and I have some time to talk more about our budget for our wedding party. Thanks for all the advice, we'll definitely mull over our options and see where it takes us!  

ks3pink

Well I just have to say that I completely disagree that jewlery for the wedding is not a gift.  As long as it is something fairly fashionable they will more than likely use it again.  I am personally buying all my BM jewelry and possibly small bags to put them in, so I am spending about 100 to 150 dollars on all this.  That is most definitely a gift!

cayreejo

I thought I would maybe chip in my 2 cents here.  haha.  
My bridesmaids are paying for their dresses & their mani/pedis & hair.  but, I'm not requiring them to all have the same colors or hair style.
I narrowed down my dress picks for them down to 3 different ones, and then they picked out the one they liked.  Fortunatly, I picked a dress that had three different neck styles-haler, strapless & strappy, so that way they woud pick something they might possibly wear again. & since we are ordering them at the same place i am buyng my dress, they got 20% off their dresses.   
As my gift, I bought all their shoes b/c the dresses are short and i don't like when the shoes don't match.  But i let them pick the style that way they would, again, possibly wear them again.  & i bought them all braclets since they have different necklines, one necklace didn't look good w/all the different styles.

I think it all depends on your budget.  2 weddings I have been in have very large budgets, so the brides were able to buy our dresses as part of our gift.  It was nice, but like me, not all brides have a big budget
Anyways, that's my 2 cents!  Hope that helps someone out there!

banana468

Cayreejo, what you're doing is quite nice, but if you read above, buying part of their attire isn't a gift to them.

lhagner

I found my bridesmaid dresses on a fluke on Target.com before I even told the BM who they were.  I found 2 styles I liked made out of the same fabric, one was $34 and the other was $14.  Neither price was horrible so I bought pretty much 2 or three of every size and am letting the girls pick then pay me back.  I am buying their accessories as their gift and am looking to make an appointment and telling them the prices if they would like to come with.  As for nails and makeup I have suggested (since I want a girls night out for my bachellorette party) that it would be fun for us all to get our nails done together then go out so then each girl would know to pay for themselves but it would be fun for everyone.  I don't wear makeup so my mom is doing mine and the girls are all doing their own.

katy758498

My bridesmaids are paying for their own dresses, shoes, makeup & jewelry.  Part of the deal was that they get to pick out any style dress in one of 3 colors, so they could get what they would wear again.  However, they all wanted the same dress.  But, since they picked out the dress, will be wearing their own shoes & jewelry, It would be difficult for me to find a "budget" to help everybody. I did offer pro makeup, where I pay for half, but they declined & will be doing it themselves.

jgmcrf26

I'm actually buying their dresses and have already bought necklaces for each them to wear.
I don't care how they do their hair, make-up, nails or anything else, because I want them to feel beautiful and comfortable. They can do what they feel good with.
I will be doing my own hair, make-up and nails, possibly with some assistance from my MOH.

I've been on the other side. I've been a MOH twice and the first time, I had to pay way too much money for a dress that didn't fit properly and a hair-do that made me look like Pebbles from The Flintstones. I felt very ugly and look AWFUL in those pictures. I would not put my girls through that.

futuremrshouse34

My grandmother bought thier dresses, shoes, undergarmets, and jewelry. As of our nails, and things. We're doin a day of pampering a few days before the wedding, we're all payin for our own.

micheller324

I think if you are paying for the dresses, it isn't too much to ask for them to pay for the hair and what not...

dinoswife

When my sisters got married 15 and 10 years ago, they paid for their bridesmaids dresses but things have definitely changed. My wedding is in 2.5 months and I had my bridesmaids buy their dresses. I made sure everyone liked the dress I chose. The dress I chose only cost $40, an unbelievable deal, and its a very cute dress too. They will wear red shoes they already have (except for one that I got a pair for). I will get them all a gift for the wedding day but I am not paying for them to get their hair/makeup done. we are all pretty much fashionistas so I am not worried about any choices they might make. I am on a budget so springing for makeup and hair for my bm's was kind of a luxury....plus I haven't really required anything of them, all they had to do was buy a $40 dress so I don't see why anyone should have any complaints..