Help picking bridesmaids...

adriennevazquez

So I'm having trouble picking my bridesmaids.  My MOH is going to be my sister and other than that, I've got nothing. Heres my problem.  There are some people in my family and my fiance's family that I am just closer with than others.  If I invited EVERY cousin or friend the list would be tooooo long.  Is it rude if I only invite some over others?  For example I am really close with my Fiance's family and I want some of his cousins in our wedding party.  Does that also mean Im obligated to ask his brother's on again off again girlfriend to also be in the wedding party?  I dont even know if they'll be together by then!  And what about my cousin in Texas that I NEVER see?

Also, when are you generally supposed to tell people about being in the wedding party?

And how do you tell them?

I am so clueless...Thanks guys!

blackfire5th

Hey adrienn!  First off, if that is your entire name, I would change your screen name.  You will have to create an entire new account, but it is better to be safe.  No one knows who lurks.

Back to you question.  Your bridesmaids are those people that are closest to you.  Only ask those that are close to you.  So, no, you do not have to include every cousin or your FBIL's girlfriend.  It is also just fine to have uneven sides if that is what it comes down to.  When you look back at your wedding photos, you won't be counting heads, you will be looking at each person's face and remembering how special it was for them to be there!  It also doesn't look odd, check out my bio for some photos.

As for asking, if you live close by I would ask them in person, if not, give them a call.  All you need to say is "Will you be my bridesmaid?"  The wedding industry will try to sell you things to help you ask, but they are really just a waste of money.  The honor is in being asked, not in how you are asked.

Since you said you are clueless, I'm going to keep going!  :P

When you do ask your bridesmaids, set aside a time to speak with them individually and ask them what their budget's are before looking at dresses.  When picking the dress, you can try to get them all together or just a couple and find a couple dresses that look good on everyone and then give it up to a vote.  Or you can opt for not having matching dresses.  This is much nicer on your bm's since no one dress will fit everyone's body.  There are two ways you can do this.  The first is to pick a designer, length, and color and let them choose a dress that fits those guidelines or you can let them pick any black dress (again you can specify length).  If you want some color, add a sash to the black dresses (check out Stina's bio).  All of my bridesmaids were in the same dress, but looking back I wish I had asked them to get a black dress and added a red sash to them.

For shoes let them pick their own.  You can again specify a color or two, but everyone's feet are different and you would be surprised at the number of people with feet/back problems.

If you require prof. hair or make-up, you need to pay for them and this does not count as their gift.

When shopping for their gift, again ignore all the wedding website stuff and shop like it is their birthday.  Matching jewelry for your wedding is not a gift for them, it is something for you.

I think I covered most of the basics.  Good luck and welcome to the WP board!

stina93446

You can ask whoever you want. Just remember that being a guest is an honor as well. Think about it this way, I asked 2 of my bffs from school to be in my bp and I didn't ask some of our mutual friends who were in our group. It's the same thing. No one takes offense to it, and if they do, they need to grow up.

jagore08

You choose who YOU want.  This is your decision and you are by no means obligated to ask every cousin, friend, for on again off again girlfriend.

CTGirl30

Who to Ask:
Ask the people whom you consider to be your dearest friends / closest relationships. You ask your side and your FI asks the people he wants standing on his side. You can ask close male friends or relatives to stand by you - they don't have to stand on FI's side just b/c they're guys. And vice versa - if your FI has a close female friend or sister or cousin he wants in the WP she can stand on his side.
You do not have to ask every cousin if you're only close to 2 of them, for example.
You do NOT have to ask significant others to also be in the WP. That's not something people expect and it would rapidly expand  a couple's WP if that were the case. So if you want your cousin Jane to be in the wedding, don't feel like you must also ask her boyfriend to be in it as well (esp if you barely know the guy!)

When & How  to Ask:
Ask about 6-8 months out from your wedding. In person and individually  is best if possible - "Will you do me the honor of being a bridesmaid in our wedding?" If the person lives in another state or something, it's fine to call them up and ask. We suggest asking each person individually in case someone must decline - this way it's not embarrassing if they're in a huge group of people and feel they have to say yes even if it might be too much of a financial or time stress for them.

xoxob

Agreed with other PP.

The suggested amount of time is 6-8mos, but we are having a dinner in mid-September (a little less than a year) to ask/toast everyone we will be asking. They all kind of have an idea that they are in the WP and have agreed that they are "looking forward to be asked". This may seem like a long time but everyone we're asking have been friends for 10+ years, so we feel safe. I want to give all of my ladies a year to figue out budgets/hunt for a dress/get it altered. My MOH lives in LA right now, so our dress hunting is going to be bicoastal! Fun, right?