Wedding Party

Bridesmaid Regret - Advice welcome

Here's the situation:

I got engaged in June and at that time I didn't really have many close girl friends. I had recently started going to dinner with a friend from high school but the thing is she would always bring her boyfriend along too. I think the first time we had dinner was the week or so after being proposed to. and of course I was rather excited about being engaged so I asked her to be a bridesmaid. She said yes and we decided to make dinner a weekly thing. Still, every time she would bring her s/o along.  I finally asked her once if we could hang out one on one. She agreed but I ended up having to cancel and asked her if we could do it the following week. She said she'd check her schedule to let me know but never ended up getting back to me. This was in August and she ended up travelling out of state to see her family the week after we were supposed to reschedule so I let it slide. The thing is, she hasn't gotten back to me until this week when I posted a link to our wedding site. She saw it and immediately texted me.

I'd really like to not have her in my party anymore for a few reasons. a) I don't feel the level of effort from her that I put into the relationship. b) another girl who is in the party is dating her ex from high school and the two have resentful feelings toward each other -- I am a lot closer with the second girl, we see each other on a weekly basis. c) I've notice that we have changed a lot. We were close in high school but since then things have (obviously) changed and our interests aren't the same anymore...

I guess I'm just looking for advice. Should I suck it up or try and figure out a way to explain the situation to her?  Thanks (:

Re: Bridesmaid Regret - Advice welcome

  • Suck it up. You can't kick someone out of your wedding without ending the friendship--permanently. IDK when your wedding is, but you should have waited until  about 8 months out to ask anyone to be in your wedding. In doing so, you would have avoided this situation. I understand that you're not close to her anymore, but you really should have thought about that before you asked her to be in your wedding. Imagine how hurt/upset you would be if the shoe was on the other foot.
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  • [QUOTE] The thing is, she hasn't gotten back to me until this week when I posted a link to our wedding site. She saw it and immediately texted me.
    Posted by mrseatherton[/QUOTE]

    <div>Posted where?  Please tell me you're not putting wedding info on Facebook, where a bunch of people not invited to the wedding can see.</div><div>
    </div><div>As to your actual question, there is no polite way to kick someone out of the wedding party.  To do so for anything other than major, friendship ending insults (which "likes to bring bf along" and "doesn't pay enough attention to me" aren't,) would be a bridezilla move.</div>
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  • You just gotta deal with it and have her in the party unless you want to lose the friendship completely
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  • Sorry girl, I know how you feel! It's easy for people to say "you should have waited until 6 months before!" But some of us have emotions and we go by what our heart tells us at that moment - and it doesn't always work out! If the friendship doesn't mean that much to you, then you can ask her if she really still wants to be in the party or ask her if she'd rather step out - but I agree that would make any girl really mad, I think.
  • @MissSkye - I also impulsively asked my nearest and dearest in the emotional rush immediately post-proposal.  That's not what OP did.  According to that first post, OP felt like she didn't have enough actually close friends to meet her desired quota, and so asked someone she hadn't seen in awhile and wasn't close to just to fill space, which she regrets now that she does have someone closer that she wants.   

    What you're suggesting is to encourage her to leave while pretending that it's not really OP's idea.  That's dishonest as well as rude.  It wasn't right to ask her just as a space filler, but now that she's been asked, it would be even worse to fess up as to how little this person means, and kick, push, encourage or hint her out.
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  • lindseyann410lindseyann410 member
    edited January 2012
    It sounds like you weren't really that close to her to begin with.  You asked without thinking, and now you have to live with it.
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  • I also asked a friend of mine that I went to high school with.  Her and I were really close in high school and I always thought she would be a part of my wedding party.  I asked less than week after getting engaged as well.  I feel your pain.  My friend never contacts me about the wedding and always has an excuse for not going and doing things for the wedding.  I have asked her if she still wants to be in it and participate and she always says yes but I think she just says it to not hurt my feelings.  I honestly wish I would have never asked her to be in the wedding and I am thinking that she won't back out on her own.  I was going to just let it go and let time pass and see if she contacts me about it anymore.  If she doesn't then obviously she doesn't care and when/if it comes up I will explain to her my reasoning.  I know it is the cowardly way out but if she isnt going to put forth effort, why should I?  Sounds harsh I know, and I really wish it didnt have to be this way but I dont know what else to do.  Your bridesmaids are supposed to be there to support and help you on your day.... not show up the day of and look pretty.
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