unreliable bridesmaids

LuckyAloha

So I just want to say first off that I am a firm believer in no bridesmaid drama and Ihope that I'm not coming  as a bridezilla. I had my tasting of wine/champagne/food on Sunday and I thought it would be a fun way  for me and my bp to bond and get excited...but totally didnt expect everybody to be able to go, but was very excited when they all said yes and that they couldn't wait. I checked in with them several times and they all said yes.  Well the night before one texted me that she didn't have anything to wear and i told her she could borrow anything she wanted but said no she wont come. other friend didnt answer any of my calls during the event and then texts afterwards sorry she couldn't come. I dont mind that they missed it or that i paid for their spots but i am worried that they are unreliable.  I dont want to be  bridezilla...but should i say anything? Please tell me if I am just being a worry wart..maybe my feelings are just hurt and I'm being paranoid.

Any input is very much appreciated 

Ajuliana

1.  It is rude of them to bow out without a good excuse when you were paying for them to attend with the understanding they were able to.

2.  Bridesmaids have absolutely no responsibilities or duties to you, besides getting the dress you chose for them (in their price range) and showing up to the wedding wearing it and a smile.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unreliable-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fa0e5bfa-b543-4d65-8373-a42651cddd03Post:8cebb304-4c19-4e82-9299-575324c9875a">unreliable bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]So I just want to say first off that I am a firm believer in no bridesmaid drama and Ihope that I'm not coming  as a bridezilla. I had my tasting of wine/champagne/food on Sunday and I thought it would be a fun way  for me and my bp to bond and get excited...but totally didnt expect everybody to be able to go, but was very excited when they all said yes and that they couldn't wait. I checked in with them several times and they all said yes.  Well the night before one texted me that she didn't have anything to wear and i told her she could borrow anything she wanted but said no she wont come. other friend didnt answer any of my calls during the event and then texts afterwards sorry she couldn't come. I dont mind that they missed it <strong>or that i paid for their spots</strong> but i am worried that they are unreliable.  I dont want to be  bridezilla...but should i say anything? Please tell me if I am just being a worry wart..maybe my feelings are just hurt and I'm being paranoid. Any input is very much appreciated 
Posted by LuckyLucke[/QUOTE]
I'd be way more worried about this. I mean, they should have offered to pay you back, but what ever.
Anyway....
Are they usually unreliable or was this a rare occurance?

JaxInBlue

Agree with Simply.  If this is a one-time thing or something out of character for them, I'd try to let it go and file this under the best laid plans...  I'd only be worried if this is standard, in real life behavior for them and even then worried might be too strong since like Alayna said, attending a tasting is above and beyond bridesmaids' duties.  If they ask about the tasting, I'd be honest that you missed them (or were bummed they couldn't make it, whatever fits).

From here on out, I might go into planning type things prepared for people to back out of attending with you and I would definitely make sure you are relying on your FI for most of your help planning. 

AdeleDazeem

aw man - you paid for them and they didn't show up?  Did they know that this thing cost money?  That's just rude.

But, no, I don't think you have to worry about other things.  They really just need to show up to the wedding and I find it hard to believe that they'd miss that one.  But, I wouldn't expect much more from them.  This way, if they do more, you'll be thrilled!!  And, if they just do the minimum, you'll be satistified.

gmcr78

I probably wouldn't be too worried about the bridesmaid stuff (getting the dress, showing up to the wedding) but I'd be pretty pissed if they committed knowing I paid for them and they didn't bother to show without at least offering to pay you back.  That's just rude, wedding related or non-wedding related.

Meghannsix

That was rude of them to not show after you paid for them, but I think it's more of an unreliable friend thing, instead of an unreliable bridesmaid thing.  There's a big difference between not showing up to a wine tasting and not showing up to a wedding.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_unreliable-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:fa0e5bfa-b543-4d65-8373-a42651cddd03Post:dbbec65b-eea3-45d1-892b-79fb8c08c33c">Re: unreliable bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]That was rude of them to not show after you paid for them, but I think it's more of an unreliable friend thing, instead of an unreliable bridesmaid thing.  There's a big difference between not showing up to a wine tasting and not showing up to a wedding.
Posted by Meghannsix[/QUOTE]



This. And like Retread said, that shouldn't have been an activity they were included in. Why didn't you do that with your fiance?

Jen4948

It's rude of them to no-show and stick you with the bill after agreeing to come, but again, don't expect anything from them beyond showing up for the wedding in the right dress.

LuckyAloha

@ Alaynajuliana I absolutely agree, I don't think they were required to come to tasting, etc.  It just made me nervous that they cancelled last minute, didn't show and didn't let me know that they wouldn't show up for the wedding but that's just me overthinking things.
@ Simply Fated  Yes, I would say that they have a tendency to be a little unreliable which is why I checked back with them that they for sure could go a week before.
@ JaclyneD I like what you said, I think the more I think about it I can get used to the fact that they might not show for bachelorette party/bridal shower and it's fine, and I'll just be psyched if they can make it!
Joy2611 I love your post...very positive!  I did tell the one that canceled the night before that it did cost money and told her not to worry about it, don't want to tell the one who didn't show because I don't like the way bringing up the $$ makes me sound like I'm giving them a guilt trip.
@ gmcr78 Yep probably just needed to vent without "putting out negative energy" as my FI put it.
@ Meghannsix Yeah when I originally told FI they would be my bm he did mention that they were unreliable
RetreadBride Absolutely agree, originally it was going to be my FI but he had to work that day so I asked my bms to see if any of them wanted to come, and totally understood if they couldn't, and also offered to take them to happy hour afterwards.  I didn't expect any of them to say yes but they all said yes and then my FI said he could go because my brother was going.  I thought maybe it was too much but they all seemed super psyched.
@ AddieL73 He did end up going and although it was nice for him to be there and get the feel of everything, it was also sooo fun to have two of my girls there to get excited about the vendors, photobooths, food and wine.
@ Jen4948 I think this is great advice and this is going to be my mind frame from now on...I know that there are some bm horror stories out there so I am very grateful that this is going to set the tone for the rest of the activities...just have fun and remember you're marrying your best friend, everything else is just bonus!

Thank you everybody for responding and giving me perspective, have a great night!