MoH Dilemma

Ninjasydnee

I am trying to decide on my bridal party, and I find myself unable to choose between two women for the MoH position. Is it okay to have two Maids of Honor, with one being the life-long friend who is probably too busy to help but would love the honor of being my MoH, and the other being the new, great friend who will probably last the remainder of my adulthood and is very capable of planning and involvement? Or would having two create too much conflict?

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-dilemma-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:fe4c64ca-0b60-4190-9ee8-f41b595c7f41Post:9a41514c-a615-4385-b810-fd0f15b2ebe6">MoH Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I am trying to decide on my bridal party, and I find myself unable to choose between two women for the MoH position. Is it okay to have two Maids of Honor, with one being the life-long friend who is probably too busy to help but would love the honor of being my MoH, and the other being the new, great friend who will probably last the remainder of my adulthood and is very capable of planning and involvement? Or would having two create too much conflict?
Posted by Ninjasydnee[/QUOTE]

Well, your MOH should simply be your very closest friend.  If you can't decide between them, it's certainly okay to have two.  But remember, the MOH isn't required to help plan under any circumstances, so you should remove that aspect from the decision.

mbcdefg

It's fine to have co-Maids of Honor, if you have two equally close friends that you can't choose between.

But don't use the MOH position as a reward for the best helper, or withhold it as punishment for someone who can't/won't help. Use it as an honor for your absolute dearest friend(s).

Remember that anyone who wants to help you with the planning will volunteer to do so, whether she's the MOH, a bridesmaid, or not even in the wedding at all. The best helpers are the ones who WANT to do it, not the ones who feel obligated for whatever reason. And if you choose a MOH based on who you think will be the best helper, it only sets yourself up for disappointment if she doesn't wind up fulfilling those expectations that you decided to place upon her.

Choose your closest friend as MOH, regardless of where she lives or how willing/able she is to help you. If that means two girls, great. If that means one or even none, great.

If you wind up choosing two, then the "conflict" thing shouldn't be a concern for you. As far as shower/bachelorette plans go, those things are none of your business. Your job is to just show up and enjoy yourself, if they happen to throw these parties for you. You can divvy up wedding day tasks like holding your bouquet and signing the license, but other jobs (planning, throwing parties, etc.) are not yours to give them ... they'll either volunteer or they won't, and your job is to graciously accept whatever you may or may not receive. If they wind up being jealous of each other or fighting ... well, it sucks if they can't act like adults, but it's not your problem. Not your job to police them or make them be friends. Stay out of it.

If someone is not your closest friend but is particularly helpful with the wedding plans, there are more appropriate and meaningful ways to thank her ... write her a nice note, take her out for dinner, or bring her back a little gift from your honeymoon. Something like that. Not bestowing a title upon her like you're the queen knighting someone.