Dealing with bridesmaids! :)

eav2c

First let me say, I know it's recommened to NOT pick out your bridesmaids til closer to your wedding. However, I have gone ahead and asked my very best friends and sister-in-law to be in my wedding even though we are still 13 months out from our wedding. I have been friends with these women since we were in grade school together so I saw no problem asking them earlier than typically recommened.

In any event, I had been looking for bridesmaids dresses for several months. None that I especailly loved. Not to mention, my bridesmaids are all extremely different in body size (some very small & some bigger). So, I needed to find a dress that woud look great on all of them.

There has been only ONE dress that I found that I truly love & that would look great on all of them. While it's premature to pick out bridesmaids dresses--after seeing hundreds of dresses (yes, litterally, hundreds), this has been the only one that caught my eye. Come to find out that the dress is getting PHASED OUT! I am not picky about my own clothing however I found myself being extremely criticial of the bridesmaids dresses. This has been the only one that I keep coming back to.

With it being phased out, I've been torn as to what to do. I'm sure there will be great dresses that will come out with the upcoming seasons--but, if I can't find more than one that I love now, I can't gaurentee that I'll find one later.

I went to a local seamstress to find out if she could make the dresses in case I couldn't find one down the road and she told me it'd be a whopping $300 per dress... The dress itself is only $120.

With all that being said... Two of my bridesmaids went & tried on the dress... They both LOVED it and said that if I picked another dress, they'd still buy this dress to wear to other events.... They really love it. My two other bridesmaids keep saying they will go and try it on & never do. I don't even ask them to go--they just said me a text saying "Going this weekend to try on the dress!" & never follow through.

This dress is in limited qaunity at this point and will be phased out next month. I have two the two women that I will pay for the dress-I have no problem with that. All I want is for them to try it on. The store is NOT far from where they live. They keep promising to try it on but find excuses as to why they haven't.

I know it's premauture to order dresses... But as I said before, I am extremely picky and the dress will be no longer after next month. After looking at bridesmaids dresses, I know that this IS the dress I want. Even my FMIL loves the dress and keeps asking me if the girls have gone to try them on.

We have all agreed that we like it... and if I'm willing to pay for it, it seems awfully rude to not even go and try it on after they said they would. I don't want to be pushy nor make them feeling obligated... I know it's all premature and against the norm to order dresses so early... But, I am dead set on this dress.

How do I handle this? Do I pick out new dresses for them & let the two other women order their dresses? The two bridesmaids that have already tried it on want to go ahead and order it... So, I just don't know how to handle this.

mbcdefg

I really think you're jumping the gun on this one, as you yourself admitted. Perhaps this is why the other two BMs are in no hurry to try it on ... because they are probably thinking, "Geez, does she REALLY expect me to rush and try on a dress and then have it hanging in my closet for nearly a year?"

What dress is it? Can you post a photo here? For two reasons ... one, many bridesmaid dresses are not as unique as you think, because in almost all cases someone can probably suggest something similar for you. And two, because a lot of salons will tell you, "OMG this dress is being discontinued so you need to order NOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!" in order to trick you into thinking that you must order from them ASAP (so you don't take your time and think about it, or find another resource to order the dress from instead of giving them all of your money).

So, I would do some research and see if the dress is actually being discontinued (call the manufacturer directly, as well as a few other salons and wholesalers like RK Bridal and Pearl's Place). And I would also post a picture here and on the Dress board and ask if anyone has seen a similar design from another company.

lalap69

If someone was asking me to rush out to the store for a dress for their wedding that was over a year away, I'd have trouble getting around to it too.  Even if I knew the dress was being phased out.

Ditto malphabet on posting the dress.

Niks A one day

I understand you being picky. I am the same way. And especially with 2 of the girls already as in love with the dress as you are... I just don't see the problem with the other 2 girls. Like you said, yes, the wedding is over a year away so it would just be hanging in their closet until then. BUT...if you have agreed to pay for it because you want it that bad, then I would go try it on if it were me.

If I were you, I would call the procrastinators and invite them to lunch-or better yet, a girls day out-one day on the weekend, and after lunch, surprisingly drive over to the dress shop. Then there's no reason why they couldn't try it on.

However, if that's too bold of a move for you, call them and just tell them this: "This is THE dress I plan on my BMs wearing, I understand that the wedding is quite a bit away still, but I am willing to pay for the dress for you if you will just go try it on. If there's just some reason why you can't (in X amount of time) then just let me know what size you wear, I will get it one size bigger just in case, and then you can pay for alterations when its closer to wedding time."   Then if they STILL won't do it, drop them. Cause if they're giving you problems already, in my opinion, this is just a sign of what's to come.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_dealing-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fec78f91-c863-4528-a78d-fccc9721dc0dPost:2efef129-6f13-4460-ac12-695e4204b507">Re: Dealing with bridesmaids! :)</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand you being picky. I am the same way. And especially with 2 of the girls already as in love with the dress as you are... I just don't see the problem with the other 2 girls. Like you said, yes, the wedding is over a year away so it would just be hanging in their closet until then. BUT...if you have agreed to pay for it because you want it that bad, then I would go try it on if it were me. If I were you, I would call the procrastinators and invite them to lunch-or better yet, a girls day out-one day on the weekend, and after lunch, surprisingly drive over to the dress shop. Then there's no reason why they couldn't try it on. However, if that's too bold of a move for you, call them and just tell them this: "This is THE dress I plan on my BMs wearing, I understand that the wedding is quite a bit away still, but I am willing to pay for the dress for you if you will just go try it on. If there's just some reason why you can't (in X amount of time) then just let me know what size you wear, I will get it one size bigger just in case, and then you can pay for alterations when its closer to wedding time."   T<strong>hen if they STILL won't do it, drop them. Cause if they're giving you problems already, in my opinion, this is just a sign of what's to come.</strong>
Posted by Niks A one day[/QUOTE]
TERRIBLE ADVICE. 

Kicking them out would seriously hurt her relationships and could possibly end them.  Why should she risk that over a friggin' DRESS?

Someone puts a rock on your finger and you stop caring that these people are friends?  What is wrong with you?

xoxob

In Response to Re: Dealing with bridesmaids! :
[QUOTE Then if they STILL won't do it, drop them. Cause if they're giving you problems already, in my opinion, this is just a sign of what's to come.
Posted by Niks A one day[/QUOTE]

No no no no!!!!

Honestly, you have plenty of time. If you really feel that strongly about the dress and you've double confirmed it's being discontinued then, just ask politely...again.  If not, it's back to dress hunting. OR, have the girls who are willing to try it on, try it on and order it. Have the other girls find a different dress in the same color? Then you could have your cake and they can eat it too?

blackfire5th

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_dealing-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fec78f91-c863-4528-a78d-fccc9721dc0dPost:0140ee47-8426-4973-86be-634a162971f9">Re: Dealing with bridesmaids! :)</a>:
[QUOTE]First let me say, I know it's recommened to NOT pick out your bridesmaids til closer to your wedding. However, I have gone ahead and asked my very best friends and sister-in-law to be in my wedding even though we are still 13 months out from our wedding. I have been friends with these women since we were in grade school together so I saw no problem asking them earlier than typically recommened. I assume that since you are still over a year away from your wedding and already complaining/seeking advice from a message board about how to "deal" with your BMs, that maybe NOW you see a problem with disregarding our advice and asking too early, yes?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>And why you shouldn't be looking at dresses this early because you will fall in love and it will be discontinued.</div><div>
</div><div>Are you sure that the dress is going to be discontinued?  When I was looking at bm dresses, the dress we picked was suppose to be discontinued.  That was Nov. 2008 and it is still being produced.
</div>

banana468

I think your friends that haven't tried the dress on might be telling you that you're jumping the gun.

You have PLENTY of time.  And a dress that's getting phased out may be replaced by something else.  A lot of your post is based on the what you prefer.  But remember, these are your friends and it's THEIR money - so it needs to be what they like.

Just out of curiosity, are any friends potentially married or will they be married soon?  I know that there's no way that I'd want to go try on and commit to ANY dress for an event that's a year away.  I don't know what size I'll be but at the same time, I may not want to tell people, "I could be pregnant and that won't work."

It's a dress.  There are a TON out there even if you haven't found one.  Chill out and back off for now.  Start looking again in six months and PLEASE stop freaking out about this.

emilyinchile

OP, chill. I also looked at hundreds if not thousands of BM dresses and only liked a couple, but it's really too early to do this. Your BMs could change sizes, you could change your mind on colors/style, and even if you're 100% certain this is THE dress, it doesn't sound like you're going to get your friends to go try on something they don't have to wear for over a year. Odds are you WILL find something you and they like closer to the date, and for now you've already done all you can do in terms of asking them to go try on the dress - if you keep pushing, you'll just come across as nagging, and they'll have less motivation to do it.

Niks, that is shockingly bad advice. I would be pissed if my friend surprised me with a trip to a bridal store because it's micromanaging and annoying. I would be more pissed if I was told "I'm getting you a size bigger than you need in case you get fat, and then you have to pay for alterations if you manage to stay the same size." And kicking out a BM over a dress at this stage (or ever, but especially with 13 months to go) is frankly just ridiculous.