Wedding Party

Groomsman concern

Our wedding was in July of this year.  We kept it simple with three attendants each, all friends who are spread from coast to coast.  My dilemma is regarding one of my husband's friends who lives in the same city that we do, having gone to undergrad together.

He was in the midst of a promotion at work, purchasing a home and apparently working on planning his own wedding (for this October), which we knew nothing of as the couple was not formally engaged at the time.  We were well aware of the time commitments and required very little of anyone in the wedding party, thought many of our friends came in early and helped with loose ends.  We expected nothing specific of this groomsman as most are not terribly involved, but he was of course involved in the bachelor party, rehearsal, and wedding day.

Fortunately, he spent a majority of this time with my future husband &co, but was in a hurry to go to dinner, go home, see his live-in girlfriend etc.  We had family in from out of town and spent time with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends who WANTED to be around, no problem.  He was concerned that his girlfriend(/fiancee?) would not be riding in the limo, despite living in town, and said he would rather not take another groomsman and his future wife back to the hotel after the reception as the reception site was only 15 minutes from his home, when in reality the drive would not have been much longer, taxis are hard to come by here, and the other groomsmen had both purchased plane tickets and gotten hotel rooms for the whole stay.  Fine, he was under pressure.  The real issues arose on the wedding day itself.

We had a schedule (I printed and handed it to him earlier in the week), but the limo ran late and he became flustered.  At one point, another groomsman tried to quiet him down by joking, "Isn't [future husband] the one who's supposed to be nervous here?"  He was somewhat cooperative during the ceremony and photographs, but when we got to the reception wanted to know if he could move to sit with his fiancee who he had not seen all day and complained loudly about missing the food from the cocktail hour, while he received dinner first after us and had a large serving of prime rib in front of him.  We sat the small wedding party at a round table with us in an effort to spend a little more time with our friends who had traveled and given a lot of time - but apparently did not consider all of the possible outcomes.  

Trying to keep it under wraps, I said he couldn't move because there weren't extra seats, and someone might be coming.  I also jokingly asked if he wouldn't go home with his girlfriend at the end of the night.  The seat in question ended up being a no-show, but I couldn't know at the time as I had not heard from anyone that day.  I felt myself getting upset and went to the restroom as I hadn't had time all day, let out one outburst with my very kind MOH, and let it go because it was our wedding day.  

My new husband told him after dinner that it would probably be all right to sit there, trying to explain about the seating issue.  He mumbled something about getting his head taken off, had a few drinks, and left early.  We held a brunch in our home the next morning to spend a bit more time with our families which they did not attend and have not heard from them since the night of the wedding.

Now, the engagement is apparently official (news-feed official, that is) and I am concerned that I may have damaged their friendship that existed before I did.  For my part at least, I would like to offer an olive branch, but don't know if it is meddlesome of me.  My husband was angry enough to not contact this person either, who clearly had no idea what a feat planning a wedding with dispersed participants can be.  After our honeymoon, the last conversation ending with my husband saying it could be up to the groomsman to get back in touch - but I am concerned that it will stay this way now because they are both proving some kind of point (?).  

This had been one of my husband's closest friends, and I fear that if I don't do something soon, a door will close to them ever working it out.  This seems very mundane and trifling, but I hate for a tiny bit of silliness to have put a wedge between them, especially on my account.  Brides get angry.  They are also very happy on their wedding day, but don't offend many in that way.  sigh.  help!
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