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Bridesmaid Issues - Long Story but would appreciate any advice

I asked my furture brother In laws girlfriend to be a bridesmaid in my wedding coming up in May.  She got pregant and has been difficult ever since. 

All of my other bridesmaids went the weekend after Thanksgiving to try on dresses (she had the baby by then), she told me she was going to try and come but never showed up.  There was no phone call, text message, email , or anything after the fact said about her missing the appointment. 

I started asking her when she wanted to go find a dress and she continued to put me off.  When I talked to Davids Bridal they told me she needed to go by mid January to make sure there was enough time to get her dress in before the wedding and have it altered.  I told her my Fiance and I were going to be in town for Christmas and I wanted to know if she would go with me to find a dress.  My furture brother in law decided that I was harrassing her and cussed me out and told me that she will go when she wants and if its in February or March that it was her choice not mine.  My fiance stepped in and told my brother in law to be that he needed to call him about this and asked him to call.  My furture brother in law never called and complettly ignored the request.  

The topic was dropped for about a month.  My Matron of Honor and her daughter were going to be in town and wanted to know if I could meet them at Davids Bridal to find a flower girl dress.  I thought this would be a perfect time for my bridesmaid to come find a dress, so I again asked her if she would go.  She gave me every reason in the book, I don't have a baby sitter - I offered to watch my nephew while she tried on dresses, my dad is coming into town that night - I said we could go before he comes, I don't have the money to pay for the dress - I found several ways for her to cover the cost of the dress, my furture mother in law was talking to me online the entire time I was getting these excusses and even offered to pay for the dress and have her graudually pay back the money.  In a round about way I told her that my future mother in law offered to pay for the dress and things hit the fan.  Again I was attacked by my future brother in law and he accused me of asking my mother in law to pay for the dress - which I never even suggested to her - and that I needed to back off and leave them alone.  Again my fiance stepped in and told his brother to call him and again he never did.  She finally agreed to go try on dresses and she was going to ask her parents for the money to pay for it.  We went and she found a dress that she and I both liked and ordered it one size smaller than what she was trying on in the store. 

The dress came in a month later and she went to pick it up.  I got a text saying that she needed to order the dress in a smaller size and the smaller size was 3 sizes smaller than the dress she ordered.  I left it and called Davids Bridal about it and they assured me that they would take care of it and that it was physically impposible to drop 3 sizes in a month that it would be about a 60 to 70 lbs drop for their dresses. 

While I was online she sent me an instant message and said that DB could not get her dress in the smaller size in before the wedding.  So she started asking for other dresses and choose my mothers dress.  I told her that the dress she now wanted was the dress my mother ordered and that I did not want her to have the same dress as my mother.  She got really upset and told me that there was no way that DB could alter the dress to the size she needed.  She also told me that because my mother and her dress would be different colors it would look nothing a like, I told her again that I didn't want her to have the same dress.

I called DB and talked to the manager and she told me that there were new dress styles and that they would call her and set up and alterations appointment along with suggesting she try on some of the other dresses.  The manager also told me that she saw my bridesmaid when she picked up the dress and that she could only go down one size if that.

Things were taken care of by DB and my bridesmaid had an appointment the following week and said she would let me know what happens.  I also asked the manager from DB to call me after she left to let me know how things went.  After the appointment the manager called me and told me that my bridesmaid was going to keep the dress she had and that it was going to be altered.  I asked if everything that needed to be done could be done since they had said they cannot take it in 3 sizes.  The manager told me that the only things that needed to be was to have the shoulder straps taken up and have the dress hemed.  So the dress did not have to be taken in.

It has been a couple of weeks since my bridesmaid went and I still haven't heard from her.  I sent her a message about my nephew and she has ignored me.  I don't know what to do.  I would appreciate any adivce you have.

Re: Bridesmaid Issues - Long Story but would appreciate any advice

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    Just leave her alone until the wedding. She has the dress, and if she shows up on time, then she has fulfilled her duties.

    I think she was being unreasonable about the dress, but that is of no consequence because she has it now.

    Just take a deep breath and go on with your olans.
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    Now, I could have read this wrong, but...

    She has the dress and David's Bridal tells you that it only needs minimal alterations?

    You're done.  All she has to do it show up wearing it.  Don't bug her anymore.

    It sounds like she had some money problems and perhaps some hang ups about her weight post baby.  And no one likes to be harrassed over and over about something.  What's done is done now.  Let her enjoy her baby.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-issues-long-story-but-would-appreciate-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ff3b53d4-172a-49a5-ba3e-e812e90bdaa6Post:bbe5ba83-0d4b-44c3-864b-ad3d092e4cf2">Bridesmaid Issues - Long Story but would appreciate any advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]I asked my furture brother In laws girlfriend to be a bridesmaid in my wedding coming up in May.  She got pregant and has been difficult ever since.  All of my other bridesmaids went the weekend after Thanksgiving to try on dresses (she had the baby by then), she told me she was going to try and come but never showed up.  There was no phone call, text message, email , or anything after the fact said about her missing the appointment.  I started asking her when she wanted to go find a dress and she continued to put me off.  When I talked to Davids Bridal they told me she needed to go by mid January to make sure there was enough time to get her dress in before the wedding and have it altered.  I told her my Fiance and I were going to be in town for Christmas and I wanted to know if she would go with me to find a dress.  My furture brother in law decided that I was harrassing her and cussed me out and told me that she will go when she wants and if its in February or March that it was her choice not mine.  My fiance stepped in and told my brother in law to be that he needed to call him about this and asked him to call.  My furture brother in law never called and complettly ignored the request.   The topic was dropped for about a month.  My Matron of Honor and her daughter were going to be in town and wanted to know if I could meet them at Davids Bridal to find a flower girl dress.  I thought this would be a perfect time for my bridesmaid to come find a dress, so I again asked her if she would go.  She gave me every reason in the book, I don't have a baby sitter - I offered to watch my nephew while she tried on dresses, my dad is coming into town that night - I said we could go before he comes, I don't have the money to pay for the dress - I found several ways for her to cover the cost of the dress, my furture mother in law was talking to me online the entire time I was getting these excusses and even offered to pay for the dress and have her graudually pay back the money.  In a round about way I told her that my future mother in law offered to pay for the dress and things hit the fan.  Again I was attacked by my future brother in law and he accused me of asking my mother in law to pay for the dress - which I never even suggested to her - and that I needed to back off and leave them alone.  Again my fiance stepped in and told his brother to call him and again he never did.  She finally agreed to go try on dresses and she was going to ask her parents for the money to pay for it.  We went and she found a dress that she and I both liked and ordered it one size smaller than what she was trying on in the store.  The dress came in a month later and she went to pick it up.  I got a text saying that she needed to order the dress in a smaller size and the smaller size was 3 sizes smaller than the dress she ordered.  I left it and called Davids Bridal about it and they assured me that they would take care of it and that it was physically impposible to drop 3 sizes in a month that it would be about a 60 to 70 lbs drop for their dresses.  While I was online she sent me an instant message and said that DB could not get her dress in the smaller size in before the wedding.  So she started asking for other dresses and choose my mothers dress.  I told her that the dress she now wanted was the dress my mother ordered and that I did not want her to have the same dress as my mother.  She got really upset and told me that there was no way that DB could alter the dress to the size she needed.  She also told me that because my mother and her dress would be different colors it would look nothing a like, I told her again that I didn't want her to have the same dress. I called DB and talked to the manager and she told me that there were new dress styles and that they would call her and set up and alterations appointment along with suggesting she try on some of the other dresses.  The manager also told me that she saw my bridesmaid when she picked up the dress and that she could only go down one size if that. Things were taken care of by DB and my bridesmaid had an appointment the following week and said she would let me know what happens.  I also asked the manager from DB to call me after she left to let me know how things went.  After the appointment the manager called me and told me that my bridesmaid was going to keep the dress she had and that it was going to be altered.  I asked if everything that needed to be done could be done since they had said they cannot take it in 3 sizes.  The manager told me that the only things that needed to be was to have the shoulder straps taken up and have the dress hemed.  So the dress did not have to be taken in. It has been a couple of weeks since my bridesmaid went and I still haven't heard from her.  I sent her a message about my nephew and she has ignored me.  I don't know what to do.  I would appreciate any adivce you have.
    Posted by blewis381[/QUOTE]
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    Let. It. Go.

    This really isn't something to get upset about.  She has a dress.  If it's too big, it can be altered.  Most dresses can go up or down 2 sizes without MAJOR alterations.  If, for some reason, she can't get it altered, then just let her choose another dress.  If it's the same one as your mother, then so be it.  20 years from now, you're not going to look back at the pictures and notice that the two dresses are the same.  However, causing a potential family feud over a DRESS, may be affecting you 20 years down the road.
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    I barely made it through that long post...

    So moral of the story is that she has the dress? Great. Let it go. If you continue to try to micromanage people it's going to have the same effect - pushing people away. It's now up to her to have it altered and show up on the wedding day wearing it.  But my advice for you is. to. relax. 

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    If she has the dress and it just needs some alterations, that she's capable of getting ... what exactly is the problem?

    Maybe I misread something, but if she's got the dress, then there's no reason for you to be bothering her at this point.

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    It sounds like there was a lot of dress drama but it is all over now and she has a dress to wear that only needs minimal alterations.  I'm not sure what the question is, though.
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    She got pregant and has been difficult ever since. 

    Also - you need to cut your BIL's GF a break.  Babies trump weddings every time.  They come with a whole lot of emotional and $ stress and you making her feel like crap about not going shopping for a dress, not being able to pay for the dress or not buying the right dress, etc. isn't going to win you any friends in your soon to be family.  Back off, try being a little understanding and a little less self-absorbed. 
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    That was the longest post I have ever read.

    She was being a brat, no doubt about it. And I don't agree that you should let her wear the same dress as your mom, not because it's your mom's but because unless she has some major comfort issue with the first dress (like it's too low cut), she should wear the dress you originally agreed on.

    But as PPs have said, she has the dress now. Problem solved.
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    Anything that you would get upset over at this point is you looking for drama.  Let it go.
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    If I'm reading this correctly, I believe her question is what to do about the BM not reporting back about how alterations went. 

    Let it go.  You don't need to micromanage them like that.  I would be irritated too if the bride had the manager call to report back to her about how my alterations appointment went.  She is a big girl and can handle getting a dress altered and she has plenty of time to get it done.
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    It's good that she has her dress now but I don't think that's your real issue. Your real issue is that she's been a B_tch the entire time. And why is your BIL getting all upset at you???? It's his brother's wedding too.

    But anyway, if she has her dress and she's paid for it, fine. Don't let whatever else she does cause you any stress. Babies are wonderful...tell her congratulations and everything but it's about you - not her. This is your wedding. Either she can deal with it or kick rocks. If she shows up on your wedding day..awesome. But if she doesn't....oh well, she's the one stuck with the dress.

    **And yes, I am a BRIDEZILLA!

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    She has the dress.  Problem solved.

    Anything you do after this (ie asking her to report on the status of alterations) is you causing drama and not her.

    Just let it go.
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