"Personalizing" the chinese banquet (vent/need advice)

rbtrumpet

So FI and I are having a pretty traditional chinese banquet (at a chinese restaurant) for our ceremony.  However, because I am not a big seafood person, and I know a lot of my guests aren't (my non-asian side of friend/family), so 4 of the 5 main courses are not seafood (roasted chicken, crispy duck, fried rice, mushroom and beans).

I have one friend who is vegetarian, so i was thinking of offering a vegetarian dish for her (like one plate of something extra, and then she can pick off whatever on the banquet she wants).

I have another friend who is not a fan of seafood.  We were talking on the phone (this is not family/BM) and she says something like "well, I haven't looked at the menu yet, but it really doesn't matter, I'm just going to order my own thing off the menu."  I replied "actually, we changed the menu so most of the main dishes are not seafood" and her response was "well, the appetizers are, so I'll just order my own."

WTF?!?  I am paying EXTRA per table (EVERY table) to substitute out some of the food so that the menu is more non-seafood!

I am paying a set price per table, and will pay extra on top of that for all ordered dishes - I cannot afford to pay for people multiple times.

How do I indicate that for my vegetarian friends, a vegetarian option is available, but you are NOT free to just "order whatever you want" off the menu at your own will???  Of course, without seeming like a total $itch... (if that's possible)

will47

I'm vegetarian-mostly-vegan; while I don't go to a Chinese banquet with the assumption that I will be taken care of, I did get taken care of pretty well at the last wedding I went to (at a banquet place here in LA). I did ask the guy whose wedding it was ahead of time, and the place let me order a few vegetarian dishes off the menu; I don't think they charged the person whose wedding it was extra. The dishes came out a little on the early side, but I definitely didn't starve.

It also depends how serious a vegetarian your friend is - if she is a serious vegetarian, than I imagine she will not take kindly to the suggestion that she "just pick out the meat" from the non-vegetarian dishes.

Did you ask the venue if they can provide some special accomodation without an additional charge? I imagine some places are more accomodating than others, but given that the banquet will be a lot of business for them, I would imagine throwing together a few vegetarian dishes for one person might be possible.

As far as the friend who doesn't like seafood, I don't think it's rude to tell her that it's a set menu and that everything is family style; seems like there will already be plenty of food that she can eat.

ring_pop

Simple. Don't provide a menu at the banquet.

Your friends will be sorely disappointed if they expect to have the opportunity to order a la carte at the banquet. The wait staff won't take orders anyway.

I've never been to a wedding - Chinese or not - where I even had the option of "ordering" my meal, other than indicating a choice between 2 or 3 options on the reply card. You should give them the option to indicate "vegetarian" and also notify you of food allergies on your RSVP. The Chinese banquets I've attended have all had a vegetarian version of the entire banquet, as opposed to forcing the vegs to just skip the courses that have meat.

ring_pop

Correction: you should provide the banquet menu to inform people of what they're getting, but not the restaurant menu to give guests the chance to "order" anything other than your banquet food.

rbtrumpet

yeah - my vegetarian friend said she waould be more than happy to have one tofu dish (she's not vegan).  That's not the problem.  I guess I'm trying to figure out how to say "if you're vegetarian, you can get a special dish.  But not if you just 'don't like' a couple of the courses."

I guess I'm just venting more about my friend who thinks she can just "order anything she wants".  I've been to Chinese banquets with her before where she did this.  I thought it was weird then, now I feel like it's just downright rude - especially sine I AM going out of my way to provide non-seafood options.

ring_pop

Honestly? I'd stop talking about the wedding with these friends

LanaJade

I agree with you, I think it's downright rude. It doesn't seem like she has a legitimate excuse since it's not a dietary restriction but simply her preference. Don't provide menus and tell the venue not to take orders.

dougie80

I totally agree that this guest is being unbelievably rude. Last year we went to a friend's wedding where they did the traditional banquet. Some of our friends were a little freaked out with some of the unfamiliar food (my fiance is Chinese, the wedding was for his only Chinese friend, and the rest of us are "white"), but they generally tried everything, ate all of what they liked, and quietly left some plates unfinished for the foods they didn't care for. No scenes, no negative comments.

mica178

I've never been to a Chinese banquet where guests were given the option of ordering their own food in addition to the pre-ordered banquet.

It sounds like you've got the vegetarian stuff covered and swapped out a bunch of the seafood dishes, so you are respecting your guests' tastes.

But, as you probably already know, the traditional Chinese banquet is full of dishes with symbolism.  Your guests shouldn't be forced to eat every dish, but they can't force you to accommodate every one of their specific preferences.  Most people who have attended these things know the deal.

jsmlo

ya, it really is rude of them to say that they'd just order off the menu (traditional chinese banquet or not). Just have the set menu printed and at the bottom say "vegetarian option available". If they ask the waiter if they can order something off the regular menu, let them embarrass themselves that way.

DirtyKnee

We have asked our restaurant to provide some vegetarian dishes on the side, which they offered to do for free.  My ideal vision is simply to have a plate of vegetarian food delivered/available for any overly picky eater.  They can have whatever they like from the 8+2 menu, plus the veg option.  There will be no "picking from the restaurant menu" going on

We're also asking on the RSVPs for Dietary Restrictions, which should give us an idea of who needs something else, then we will call and discuss with them

jenandcris

I'm not vegan... but I've been to many Chinese banquets. I can tell you that there's been MANY times where I don't like the food served, but I put on my big girl pants and eat anyway!

And I agree with ring_pop. Have YOUR banquet menu available, but not the restaurant's menu.

Stuffing

Wow... Either this friend has some amazingly accomodating friend, or she is so demanding that everyone accomodates her.  I have never been to a Chinese wedding where I saw people ordering their own food.  For my banquet, I asked everyone before hand if they had specific food restrictions.  I put the vegetarians at the same table.  They did vegetarian soup, and two extra vegetarian dishes at the table.  It worked well enough.