Wearing black to a spring wedding?

junelley

I am fairly new to my engagement, don't have a secure wedding date, yet, nor have I set a dress code, yet (one step at a time, please!), andI just learned from my mom that my SIL has already bought a  "formal" dress to wear for my wedding.  I was surprised to hear that she already got a dress for an event which she has no clue will be like.  I haven't told anyone that we are thinking of an outdoor ceremony, evening indoors reception, etc.  Everything is in the preliminary stage for me.  I am thinking, why the heck did she buy a dress so far in advance without even knowing anything about the wedding?Another thing, her dress is black.  When I heard that, my alarm went off.  Knowing her, who is super superstitious (I wasn't allowed to attend her wedding/engagement ceremony because I was the sister of the groom, and she seated me allll the way in the back at her reception to sit with strangers.), I am surprised that she picked black to wear to a joyous event?  Isn't it a taboo color for weddings, Asian or not?  I find it a bit insulting, especially knowing she's very superstitious - I almost feel like she has malicious intent.What do you guys think?  I hope her dress is not solid black, or I might just tell her to get another dress.  I am rather annoyed with my brother and my sil for other reasons, as is, so this is bothering me even more than I would normally be. lol

ring_pop

No, black is not a taboo colour for weddings. And hey, if you want to talk superstition, white is actually the Asian funeral colour, not black. And if she did do it out of malicious intent, what can you do about it? Just let it be. Don't ask her to get another dress - that would be majorly bridezilla. If you do end up having a more casual wedding, she may decide to get a different dress. Perhaps she just used this as an excuse to go shopping!

junelley

Actually, I've been told by my tw friend and my Vietnamese friend that black is taboo.  One of my Asian friends were going to buy wine which packaging is black for their wedding, and the grooms' parents stepped in and said black is a really bad color so my friends ended up buying other wine for that reason alone.  One time, My mom, herself, was extremely offended when she received a black X'mas card from my cousin, she thought it was a very ominous color (and ended up being mad at my cousin for years lol).  Then I did a search and found this: "It is much easier to get away with black at a winter wedding especially if it is velvet/tulle/ a swishy fabric and if you add flashy accessories (or a nice tartan, perchance? Not Black Watch). For a summer wedding, black is only acceptable if you are a waiter, waitress or Goth"  It's from a Western site.   My own fiance, who responded with "This is not a funeral.", when I told him my  SIL had bought a black dress.  All these led me to believe that in general black is just not a good color, Asian or not, for a joyous event such as a wedding.I am not a superstitious person, but I am trying to avoid pure white and solid black as there will be people who will think like my friend's parents at the wedding.  Like I said, my bro and my sil have been doing stuff to me and I felt like I need to step in before they start to design my wedding according to their taste.  I suppose I am more sensitive to what she's doing because she put me through some stuff on her wedding day, without explaining things to me and also put my mom through some grief.  I felt a bit humiliated and mistreated on her wedding day, but that's another story.  I will not tell her to get another dress, even if I really wanted to - I was just venting.  But on the practical side, I might just warn her that it's an outdoor wedding and it might be hot under the sun (I am hoping for good weather!).  I sure wouldn't want to wear black if it were me.  I do think that maybe they just don't even know that outdoor cermonies even existed.Bridezilla? Far from it. 

foolforfood

Where do I even begin??? I think your feelings about the black dress stem from some bad history between you and SIL.  It's definitely not based on pure rationality. There is nothing offensive about a guest wearing a black dress to a wedding - outdoors or not.  Unfortunately, money gets tight and when you're invited to various events, investing in a black dress is the most economical choice.  Anyways...a few of my first cousins on my dad's side wore black cocktail dresses to my May wedding.  Nobody batted an eyelash. Not even my old school grandfather. Would it offend your family if a male guest wore a black suit to your wedding?If you are as un-superstitous as you say you are, I think you should leave the "problem" for your parents to solve.  It's not worth your time or energy.

foolforfood

Oh, and where are you getting married?  Not too many places in the US get sweltering hot in May.  And if it does get blazing hot, wearing a red dress vs. a black dress won't really matter.  It would have more to do with the fabric and cut of the dress (neckline, sleeves, skirt length, etc.)....

junelley

Thanks.

junelley

HA! Just got word.  That dress is not for my wedding, there was  misunderstanding.  SIL said she would never wear black to a wedding, it's ominous and why would she do that to me. lol  I knew it!  That proves everyone's tradition is different and you just really need to know your crowd.   All that worry was for naught.

ring_pop

Well sheesh, if you were just looking for validation of your point of view, you could have said so and saved us all a lot of trouble.

junelley

ring pop: What do you mean?  I was looking for others' opinions and after reading some of the posts here in this forum regarding various traditions and superstitions, I noticed that people do have different traditions and in the end it's hard to come to one concrete conclusion on whether one thing is acceptable or not .  Sorry I mentioned it here in this thread as it might have come out wrong; it was just my observation.Sorry you feel troubled!  I do appreciate your input!

foolforfood

ditto, ring pop.  I didn't interpret your OP as a venting session, I thought you honestly wanted different opinions on a very valid question: "Isn't it a taboo color for weddings, Asian or not? I find it a bit insulting...What do you guys think?" But now it seems like you already made up your own conclusions and wanted validation from us.  That's fine (I guess), but if that's the case, you should just be more clear about your intentions.  I think all of our responses in this thread have been very fair.  You shouldn't get so defensive when ppl are honestly trying to help. 

junelley

Oh.. I thought ringpop was the one who was offended cuz she thought I caused trouble, but if you feel the same, too, fool, my post must have come out wrong. I do apologize for the short "Thanks" msg though because I was multi-tasking and got preoccupied with other stuff and hit "post now" andn never bothered to come back and finish (until I got news from tw).But, either way, I did thank for your input and updated with what was going on.  Please don't get upset with me.  The knot forums have been helpful and I do try and help when I can, too.  I never meant to offend people; I am not even sure how that happened but all I can say is sorry for the miscommunication.

junelley

By the way, I am not seeking validation right now.  I already cleared the air with SIL; why would I need validation? 

ring_pop

Yeah, exactly what foolforfood said.You asked whether black was a bad colour for weddings. We answered no. Then you went and found some info and opinions to support your feeling that it was a bad colour. In your search, did you happen to find other sites that said that black is actually OK? Seemed like you were pretty selective in your search, and I daresay that the opinions you sought were in the minority.Finally, you ended off saying that everyone's tradition is different... but that seems to be completely the opposite of how you feel. If you really believe that everyone's tradition is different, you would have been more open to accepting what foolforfood and I had said in our posts.I mean hey, you're allowed to feel however you want to feel about someone wearing whatever colour to your wedding. We answered honestly and fairly, and it's up to you to listen or ignore us as you wish. At the end of the day, we're just internet strangers, so if you don't think our opinions are relevant, then so be it. For the record, I really was trying to be as objective as possible.I guess it's all moot now and I'm glad you cleared the air with your SIL. I'm not offended by your post, by any means. I just think that your method of proof is flawed. But life goes on.

jenwindy

::  tip toeing by this discussion ::Not going to get involved in this bit of drama. : )  But, for what it's worth, I'd wear black to a wedding without a moment of hesitation. No malicious intent intended.

Tuquyen

:: tip toeing in after jenwindy ::I actually wore black to a wedding in early April -- it was an evening wedding and was perfectly acceptable. Some brides even have their bridesmaids wear black dresses.

Alko726

Entering a little late I guess, but it seems a little to me like you have more of a problem with the fact that SIL was going to wear black, not that just anyone was because you thought that if she was going to, she would do it with "malicious intent" because you knew *her* superstitions. Would you have a problem if anyone else was going to wear black. Perhaps a guest that had no real feelings/knowledge about superstition and color? I agree with the others that I'd wear black to a wedding without hesitation unless I was informed that the bride really didn't want me to -- then I'd wear something else just to be nice, but I don't think it's necessary. These days, it's very acceptable. My mom doesn't want any of our family to wear black at my wedding because she just doesn't like that it's a color worn at funerals and such here. I don't think it had anything to do with superstition, but more for preference, and she wouldn't care of any of our other guests did. I actually wore black as a bridesmaid in a wedding earlier this year -- the bride thought it was the most practical and we could wear the dresses again to other weddings. Anyways, not trying to stir any pots, and if I misunderstood what you meant like any of the other posters, sorry. Really just hoping to ease your mind a bit about anyone else that may choose to wear black to your wedding.

junelley

Wow.  OK. I had no idea my thread would cause all this.  I must have panicked when I first heard it and wrote it all before thinking about it thoroughly and didn't express it in the right way.  Let me clear it a bit, if I can,  and if you allowed me to.  The pp's comment about my concern about my *sil*' wearing a black dress is the closest to what I was feeling.  I, personally, have been to weddings in which people wore black - my own cousin's (though it was a Western wedding).  I know not much about superstitions and I did hear black was bad from people who were close around me (I can't just discredit what they said all together and tell them that they are wrong, that black is ok, right?). My sil (and her family) has been recognized as the "superstition expert" in my circle so I was really really surprised that she would wear black to the wedding, from the little I heard about the color.  I don't know much about Chinese superstitions, so I posted here, to ask what you guys thought of this.  That. Was. All.  I had no idea whether it's common or not, but I might have assumed it was because the minority was what I was hearing.By all means, I am not concluding that black is a bad color to wear to weddings and that when I see black I am going to say this wedding is cursed!    Who knows, some other people from my guest list might show up in black, thinking it's just a flattering color, and I certainly can't dictate each and every one of my guests what they should wear.Regrarding tradition/superstitions, though, I do think that each case is different.  If your family agree with a minority view or another other supersition, that's what you have to follow, but that's only my opinion.  For me, I am just glad that my sil wasn't going to wear black because I did get this "A-Ha!" feeling that I wasn't crazy to think that if she wore it, it'd have meant something, because as she told me that she wouldn't wear black to a wedding as it was a bad omen (her interpretation).  Likewise, she wouldn't have accept it if someone wore black to her wedding.  I suppose I cared more about the intent than the actual color.The "or I might just tell her to get another dress" did make me sound like I was authoritative but that was totally a vent ..  It was my bad to voice my frustration to that degree.Anyway, like I said, I do appreciate all of your input and responses, but my little problem is over now and there are other things to worry about, like how could my Causian FMIL wear a qipao, too?!    j/k j/kCheers