Chinese Weddings

How many guests are you having?

We were aiming for a small wedding with ~100 when we got engaged... and we quickly realized that was not an option for us because of our families being so big and FMIL having a ton of close friends. I thought 150-175 was a pretty average sized wedding, but is it tiny for a typical Chinese wedding? Seems like quite a few posters here have 300+ guests... My brother said something about how my dad's initial estimate of 50 was way off for our side, and that he and his gf said they'd end up having upwards of 300 guests all together when they plan their wedding. My dad's family is spread all over the States and overseas, and when I pressed him for an answer for a number of guests from our side a few months back, he said it was too early to start guessing, but to just put down 50 as a good guess... *sigh*... I think we're going to be in for a world of hurtin'...

Re: How many guests are you having?

  • LanaJadeLanaJade member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We're having 80-90 but that's because we're paying. The parents have been sensitive to our budget. If anyone asks, they use the excuse that we're doing it "the ABC way" if that makes any sense, lolMy dad also did an estimate of his guests until I bugged him to make a list. However, his guests are mostly in the area so I think I can have a somewhat accurate count from him. Since your dad's guests are from all over, maybe you need to start making an A and B list.
  • edited December 2011
    Have you chosen a date, venue, or budget?  All of those choices depend on the size of yoru guest list. If your parents don't understand this, you have to make them understand.  My parents surprised me with about 10 extra invited guests at the T-1 month mark, and even that threw us off target.  I had 180 guests, but that's largely b/c my DH (who is not Chinese) has a small family and some of them couldn't travel from the NYC area. I think we had about 120 guests from my side.  My parents cut their guest list significantly b/c they didn't want my DH's family to look "bad".  In my circle, typical Chinese weddings have 300-400 guests.
  • isyuwonoisyuwono member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We are going to have 260-280 guests.... which is driving me crazy. I will have about 12-15 family members coming to US from Indonesia (my home country). My FI's dad has about 50 cousins and my FI's mom has about 50 cousins as well.... go figure... Well, my FI's parents insist on footing most of the bills, although I told them already that I could pay half of it in lieu of my parents. Honestly I would rather pay for a small wedding (under 100 guests) entirely than put up with a big (free) wedding of 300 people.... but I guess it might just be me.
  • edited December 2011
    isyuwono - was that email about the wheat grass helpful?
  • isyuwonoisyuwono member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes, thanks much! =)I am trying to infuse some 'green' or 'natural' element into the wedding. This would be a nice touch.
  • ring_popring_pop member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We invited 220 all together and about 150 will be attending. About half are family (evenly split by FI and me) and the rest are friends.We had a really good idea from the beginning who would come and who would not; as soon as we got engaged, our parents were in touch with our OOT relatives to get a sense of their plans.Guessing the number is not very useful. You need to actually put together the list. We would have liked around 100 guests as well, but FI had no idea we had so many friends until we wrote them all down.
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  • edited December 2011
    isyuwono -- I feel the same way you do. We have our budget as set by what we and FI's parents can contribute thus far. My parents haven't given us an amount -- just said they'd give us what we needed. They know we're not irresponsible with money and just said whatever we can't cover, they would. I've never been one to ask for money from my parents though, so we'll just have to wait and see in the end if we run over. Our venue holds up to 225, but we originally expected 150. My parents said they'd foot the bill for the excess folks from my family and FILs said the same for theirs, but it's hard to get everyone (both sides) to understand that we just never wanted a huge wedding. FMIL has told tons of people already about the wedding before we even thought about a guest list, and because I don't want my family to feel like the got the shaft with the limited number of guests, I told them they could invite as many as my FIL want to so as to be fair. My parents have a lot of family, FI's parents have a ton of friends. FI says he doesn't like the idea of going to our wedding not knowing most of the people there, but we already know that's going to be the case... We want to make this a family event, so we're just going to see how this final guest list turns out here soon. I guess in terms of Chinese weddings that I've heard of from my family, we [i]are[/i] having a small wedding. Thanks so far for the feedback ladies!
  • edited December 2011
    I should say my parents from the very beginning said if we just gave them a number, they'd stick with it. I guess this is mostly just me feeling like FIL's guests will end up overwhelming my side -- much of which can't be changed from their side because FILs are contributing so much and have good reason for inviting as many people as they are. I also know my dad would love to see all of his siblings and their families at his first kid's wedding. Just torn, I guess... I gave up the idea of a small intimate wedding. :P
  • amwot8amwot8 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    we are going to have 330-350 for our banquet. I initially only wanted ~250 guests, but between my fiance and future father-in-law, our guest list grew. My friends and family are mostly in the NYC & MI area and some will not be able to make it, so it will mostly be my FIL's side.
  • LanaJadeLanaJade member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    alko, your situation is unusual that it's not the Asian side of the family that is causing the guest list problem...usually it's the other way around!
  • edited December 2011
    Ha! For real! The [i]one[/i] aspect of the wedding my mom is being fully cooperative with... :P
  • armlb81armlb81 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We are having a Vietnamese/American wedding, and gosh, I WISH I knew how many to expect. Fiance's parents never gave us their list, and pretty much just demanded we give them the invitations and they'd take care of it. We gave them a limit of 200 guests and they *say* it will be under that number. When we add my family, and our friends, it's going to be around 350-380 guests invited. I am hoping, praying, wishing, keeping my fingers crossed that we end up with 300 or less, but who knows. I hate having no control :(
  • edited December 2011
    armlb81 -- That is rough! Hopefully it all works out for you and good luck! :-\
  • isyuwonoisyuwono member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yea, alko. We are on the same boat. I'm Asian, and only less than 20 of my family members will come. My FI is of Polish descent (he was born in America). But his dad has about 50 cousins and his mom has about 50 cousins too....we also have to give up our intimate wedding idea! =(
  • armlb81armlb81 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks...fiance's parents have asked for 10 more invitations for their side, which they swear are just for "announcements" and that the extra guests won't come. That's why I've upped my ticker to 400 invites. Gosh I hope 25% say no, but so far, we've had almost no "nos." I wish we could say NO to his parents without them yelling at us about disrespect :(
  • edited December 2011
    arm -- It if makes you feel [i]any[/i] better, I've heard from a lot of brides that the regrets tend to come in towards the end. I mean, I don't know if Asian treat RSVPs the same way (my parents don't often respond, lol -- I know, awful from a bride's perspective), but I know a lot of people will hold onto an RSVP to see if they can make it a little closer to time. Others are lazy to RSVP 'no'.
  • tohruchantohruchan member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    we invited ~ 400 and about 370 ppl showed up to the wedding... *_*
  • edited December 2011
    We made the parents stick to a guest list. It's rude of them to be uncooperative about it!We invited 420ish and had 300 come.
  • armlb81armlb81 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree that it's rude for them to be so uncooperative. But his Mom is just that...rude. She doesn't care about what makes us happy. She laughed at him when he expressed concern about the guest list growing too large, and imo, that is beyond rude. I know that he is supposed to respect his parents (and I guess I'm supposed to also), but I'm sorry, in my book, a person needs to be respectful in order to earn respect.:( Sorry, rant done....for now :)
  • edited December 2011
    We got a 70% response and our final count was 164
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  • edited December 2011
    Our guests count was going to be 60 including us but we had to change it to 70 including us.His parents have no requests and I let me mom invite guests, but I think she just wants her best friend from Highschool.Our parents aren't paying for our wedding. I don't get the idea of them paying for something that we are doing, that seems wrong to me. We choose to get married, we choose to pay for it... it's that simple. If they want to have a get together for everyone they know, they can do that for themselves. I don't see our wedding as the place to meet random people.Of course, we are inviting all of our family that we would want included in anything. But most of the family in Taiwan will not be able to come. And I'm white, so I have 6 family members that I have to invite. Most of my guests are friends. Most of his are family. His family will have 3-4 tables and mine will have one including family friends!  It really does make me sad sometimes to think about it. But then again, I am going to have a Dad after this is over! and Grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins! It will be nice to have some family, even thought they don't speak english...
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  • ll2014ll2014 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I wanted guestlist to be capped at 350 - now the invited guestlist is 470+...hoping my final will be at 400 guests...this is chinese wedding with huge families on both sides
  • edited December 2011
    i agree with most folks on a small wedding, but unfortunately i cant have that in request of the FI due to business and etc.. so we are having about 500-550 max. and thats more on his side than mines.. sigh im already dreading the count.. it gets more expensive as well when its coming out of your own pocket.. but hopefully the outcome will be good.. the bad part for right now is that i dont even have all the list yet from both parents and family to know the exact amount.. but i hope it will turn out ok for the time being..
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