Chinese Weddings

Is this normal?

My FI's (Chinese) co-worker keeps on trying to invite herself to our wedding, has been dropping hints ever since she heard that I'm Chinese.  None of FI's other co-workers are invited to the wedding.

It'd be one thing if FI ever saw this co-worker outside of work, but he doesn't.  I've never met her.  And we're not having one of those traditional 400+ Chinese wedding banquets, where an extra guest or 10 wouldn't be noticed.

I admit that I'm not the most tuned into Chinese traditions, but are co-workers (that you never see outside of the workplace) usually invited to weddings? 

Re: Is this normal?

  • clearheavensclearheavens member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I don't know whether it's normal or not as a reflection of Chinese culture.  I just know that there are many people like this, even in the Vietnamese culture.  She may be annoying but she may really have your best interest by wanting to be there for you.  I'd try not to take offense to her because she may not be intentionally rude.

    The best way to deal with this is to never mention it at work around her and emphasize to her that your wedding is going to be small and mostly family.  She should get the hint!
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  • ring_popring_pop member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    She's probably assumed that you ARE having one of the huge banquets where you invite everyone under the sun. My dad used to get invited to the weddings of the children of business partners, but that was because the parents were throwing the weddings and wanted to show off.

    We didn't invite coworkers, though we did invite our bosses. I can sympathize with your situation though. We had distant family members hint that they should be invited, and in the end, we invited them at my grandmother's insistence. And then  they didn't even come to the ceremony - that really pissed me off. Not to mention, I haven't seen them since.

    I'd say the "norm" - Chinese or not - is to invite as many people as you want to be there, and can afford. If this includes coworkers, great; but if not, you have nothing to apologize for.

    I'd echo clearheavens' comments about dealing with her.
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Thank you ladies.  My FI doesn't usually talk about the wedding at all, so I have no idea how this lady found out he's engaged.  If she keeps on calling (she found our personal numbers), I'm going to tell her that it's a small wedding so we're not inviting co-workers (all true).

    And, yes, sadly, my parents have invited all of my father's coworkers.  But we've known some of them for 30 years.  My FI started his current job a year ago, and we don't socialize with any of the people at his work.
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