choosing the date

susanv85

My fiance and I just got engaged. For several reasons, we want to get married before 2012 is over, we have been previously thinking of a wedding in the fall. But now that we've sat down with the calander, it's really hard to find a date that you're allowed to have a wedding. And on top of that, my aunt is a school teacher in Israel, and he has an uncle in Israel who is also a teacher, so we would prefer to coordinate the time of the wedding with when they have break, so that they can come. My cousin in Israel had her wedding at the same time of my mom's vacation so that she could go, so it doesn't seem crazy for me to try to do the same. 

It seems though like the fall is really hard, with all the holidays, so I feel like we would either have to go with an August wedding, or push the wedding to December so they can come over the Hannukah break. But I really don't want a December wedding, December in NY isn't the prettiest time of year. Can anyone help? When are other Jewish brides getting married in 2012?

TeamTarcus2011

I got married in 2011, but I can commisserate with you on the date-choosing.  We had a really hard time with that too.  We knew we wanted a spring wedding, and we were hoping for late April because our dating anniversary is April 22.  However, Passover started on like the 24th or something, so that weekend was out.  The rabbi wasn't available on the 17th, so that weekend was out as well.  Then we really wanted April 10th (I didn't want to go any earlier, because the weather in DC is very iffy that time of year - it could be 80 degrees or it could be 20 degrees, you just never know! - and I felt like the earlier we went, the more we were risking it being too cold to have the outdoor ceremony we wanted), but the venue we ended up going with wasn't available April 10th, so we went with April 3rd.  I was really worried about the weather, and it was raining and cold the whole week before the wedding...but on the day of, it was sunny and warmer than it had been, in fact, it was right at our 60 degrees cutoff for having the ceremony outside!  So we got what we wanted in the end.

Anyway, sorry that was so long, but my point is, while you may have to compromise a bit on the date, everything will work out fine, and your wedding will be beautiful and memorable no matter when you have it - even if it's not exactly the date you wanted! 

Also, I just looked at a 2012 calendar, and Rosh Hashanah starts on September 16th, so including Labor Day weekend, there are two September weekends before the holidays start that you could try to aim for!  You could also try for early November (before Thanksgiving), or even the last weekend in October. 

Try not to stress too much about the date...I know it's hard because this date will be important for the rest of your lives, but just remember that your family and friends will make every effort to be there no matter when it is.  Not everyone will be able to make it no matter when you do it, so just pick a date that works for you and your FI and the wedding party, and let everyone else figure it out for themselves.

Hope this helps a little, at least!

susanv85

Helps a bit, and I know that not everyone will be able to make it, but the people I'm closest to I would like to be able to make it, and that includes my aunt and uncle even though they live in Israel. The thing with Yom Kippur is that I think it falls on a Sunday night, but you can't have the wedding on the day before a holiday either. And the rabbi won't do a wedding between Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah, and then Sukkot starts on a Sunday night. Saturday before is again out because it's the day before the holiday. End of Sukkot is also out. And then we have all the other weekends in October free but it again makes it impossible for my aunt and uncle to come. They have the week of Sukkot off, and could probably take an extra day or 2 if they had to, but not much more. And they're not going to fly all the way in just for a weekend.

I'm thinking last weekend fo August is probably best, even though it's not much time to get ready. But this way, both our moms, who are teachers in teh US will still be on summer break, and my aunt who teaches in Israel will also still be on summer break, as would his uncle. It isn't ideal for me because of the timing of my vacations, and how insane my work schedule is going to be once I'm back from this vacation, and the fact that I'm having the wedding in my home city, despite living over an hour away now, but I could somehow make it work. I already am giving my sister free reign to choose my wedding colors by having her choose a dress in a color and style she feels comfortable in, and going off that, and his mothr is beyond excited, so I'm sure she would help a lot, and my parents have experience already from planning my sister's wedding, so I think we would eb able to pull it together for August. 

susanv85

June and July are out because I can't take vacation during that time, my job doesn't allow me to take vacation during those months. And I refuse to go to work the day after getting married. So that leaves August, although I kind of always wanted a fall wedding, but if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work, and we'll have it in August.

LisaBRM

What's wrong with June, July, and August - when they are most likely on vacation?  If your concern is that it's not enough time to plan a wedding, trust me, it is, unless saving money to pay for the wedding is the situation you are in.

I got engaged right before Thanksgiving and got married in June.  We really wanted to get married sooner, but, my husband is a tax accountant, so, anything before April 15th was out and, unfortunate for us, Passover started the weekend after April 15th.  So, we got married the very first weekend we could - the weekend after Shavuot.  First thing we did after choosing our date was to call our Rabbi and to find the place.  Once we knew we had both secured for the date we wanted, the rest fell into place.  I really don't understand why people need a year to plan unless, again, the issue is saving money.  That I get!

Musicheals71

We got engaged Valentine's Day 2009 and got married Labor Day weekend 2010 - we waited 18 1/2 months for financial reasons.

LisaBRM

Oh, I just saw that June and July are out for you. I say go for August! I always wanted a fall wedding, too, but we didn't want to wait that long and, I can tell you now, that it doesn't bother me one bit that we got married in June!

jessicabessica

Go for August!  You never know with the weather in the northeast...you could have fall-ish weather in August, or a heat wave in the early fall.  

As for planning, I got engaged 12/24/10 and married July 3, 2011.  The timing is definitely workable.  We got married a very popular weekend, but it was hard to find an officiant that wasn't already committed, so I would advise you to make sure whatever date you settle on works with your officiant ASAP.

Rachiemoo

i got married on august 31, 2008, august is great for weddings imo!

tenofcups4me

My ex- and I also got married in August for similar reasons. We weren't having a religious wedding so didn't have the constraints of times that were allowed. But September gets so crazy with all the holidays. And his parents were going to be on vacation for much of July. And we wanted an outside wedding and thought October was too risky. So August it was. I feel like at least half the people I know have gotten married in August -- it's a very popular month!

Starqueg

My fiance and I actually had no problem picking the date, but it's in the middle of winter.  We're getting married 1/20/13, after he's done with law school and a semester before I finish graduate school.  Summer of 2012 is out because he's taking the bar exam that July, and I take summer classes.  Fall is out simply due to all the holidays and the stress of getting married during a semester.  Same with spring.  So winter it is.  It's the day before MLK day, so relatives and friends are less likely to have to work the next day.  Plus, my semester won't start until a week or so later, so we have time to hopefully go away, depending on his still unknown job. 

Shoshie

We got married on a Sunday in October. (we also live in Los Angeles). It's nice to try to corrindate with the out-of-towners, but sometimes you might not be able to accomodate everyone (we had a lot of people from Chicago who came in -- but not everyone was able to make it).

Bonzo2011

We're getting married July 1 this coming summer. The date was essentially a negotiation between our rabbi and my mom--it's the last weekend before the rabbi goes on his summer vacation, the first weekend after my cousins get out of school, and before the big Girl Scout 100th anniversary camporee. FI and I knew we wanted summer so that we wouldn't be in the middle of grad school semester, but the rabbi and my mom figured out the rest! Luckily his parents are just going with the flow here

OP, I say go for August. It sounds like it's the most convenient time for the people who you really want to be there, and that means more than the name of a month.

susanv85

So August it is... now we need to find the venue. I'm pretty easy though, so I'm sure we'll find something. There are places around here that do these "all in one" type of deals, where everything gets included. That's what I'm hoping to get, this way I don't need to stress about anything, just have it all paid for nad then not have to worry about finding caterer/musicians/florists/invites, etc. 

Apparently, the last half of August is a very good time to have a wedding. It would be the beginning of a new Jewish month which is lucky, and would be in the month of Elul, which is apparently also a very good time to have a wedding, according to a website we found. So why not? We can use all the luck we can get.