Family purity/Niddah

RedZee

I was just wondering if anyone on this board is keeping this in any way. I took the bride class with an orthodox rabbanit (rabbi's wife) so I know the Orthodox customs. I'd like to know more about the Conservative movements perspective. Can anyone recommend a book or webpage?I'm still pretty conflicted about all of it.

Shoshie

I don't know of any conservative writings on this. (?)

Rachiemoo

I don't keep it but I do think it is a very beautiful custom.  I did a quick google search and I found the below text on wikipedia.  It looks like this book might be helpful to you: Isaac Klein's A Guide to Jewish Religious Practice.  Conservative Jewish views Conservative Judaism teaches the halakhot (laws) regarding family purity are normative and still in force, including the requirement to refrain from sexual relations during niddah, but there is a difference of opinions over how much other strictures need to be observed, such as whether there should be complete prohibition on any touching during niddah. Isaac Klein's A Guide to Jewish Religious Practice is one of the most common references used by ordinary Conservative Jews, and describes the obligations and rituals of niddah in detail. In December 2006, the Rabbinical Assembly's Committee on Jewish Law and Standards passed 3 responsa discussing the extent of Biblical requirements and continuing applicability Rabbinic prohibitions concerning Niddah for Conservative Jews. Each responsum advocating different standards of observance[20]; two responsa were the majority opinions, one by Rabbi Susan Grossman[21] and one by Rabbi Avram Reisner[22], the other responsum was the minority opinion, written by Rabbi Miriam Berkowitz[23]. Despite the official stance, the practices related to family purity are often not widely followed among the Conservative laity. A recent edition of the United Synagogue Review (Fall/Winter 2006) included a series of articles on mikvaot. Rabbi Myron S. Geller, a member of the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards, writes about a recent upswing in the observance of the laws of family purity within the Conservative Jewish community. [24] Conservative Judaism has largely ignored this practice in the past, but recently has begun to reevaluate its silence in this area and to consider the spiritual implications of mikvah immersion for human sexuality and for women. Jews-by-Choice tend to recall the mikvah ceremony as an experience of heightened spirituality, leaving a permanent mark on their religious awareness. Some comments I have received about the mikvah include: 'It made me feel closer to God,' 'An emotional highlight of my life,' 'When I came up from the waters all was quiet, my eyes wanted to cry. My soul was still...I am still in a state of peacefulness and love fills me.' ...These observations, written by converts to Judaism several weeks after the event, reflect the powerful impact of the mikvah ritual on Jews-by-Choice and the profound importance they attach to its spiritual significance. At a time when New Age enthusiasm is persuading numbers of people, disenchanted with traditional religious expression, to seek fresh ways of discovering spiritual meaning in their lives, Conservative Judaism has found in an age-old practice a metaphor for rebirth and renewal that retains its power to uplift, cleanse and inspire.  

Yellen

Hello,I am actually supposed to be meeting with the Rabbi's wife, (the rabbi is Orthodox) to discuss this.  I have researched it online, but since I haven't been raised Orthodox or with too much formal religion, I am still clueless.  Did anyone do this before their wedding?

silversparks

Rabbi Miriam Berkowitz who was ordained at the Conservative seminary in Israel wrote a reasonably good book called "Taking the Plunge" which goes through a number of explanations and perspectives. It's probably your best place to start.Also, Nishmat, which is an Orthodox women's seminary, is a leader in the field of halacha (Jewish law) in the area of niddah. They started a "yoatzot" program, the 1st to train women to answer questions about niddah. Their website is pretty user friendly www.yoatzot.orgYou can read the Conservative movement responsa (Jewish legal opinions) on the Rabbinical Assembly website, but they'll take a while to slog through. http://www.rabbinicalassembly.org/law/teshuvot_public.htmlWe are trying to keep some practices associated with Taharat Hamishpacha (family purity/niddah). Both DH and I went to the mikveh before the wedding, and I'll be trying to go every month. If you want to talk some more about it, e-mail me off the board deborahbmiller @ yahoo dot caLastly, JOFA (Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance) has a list of kallah teachers who they have trained http://www.jofa.org/about.php/resources/kallahteache/kallahteacheAt least on the New York list, I can vouch that 2 of these ladies are medical students with Conservative backgrounds (1 is married to a classmate of mine at the Conservative seminary in New York) - I'm not sure where you are located though.Hopes this long response helps!

RedZee

Do you mean meeting with the Rabbi's wife or going to the mikvah?I met with the Rabbi's wife and I did enjoy the classes and I see some benefits to the practice. It's funny - I was reading something about natural birth control and it recommended not having sex at the most fertile times and said that many couples feel like it gives them a honeymoon every month and they like expressing their feelings through non-physical ways. This is what I was learning in the bride class. (Unfortunately, if you practice both methods there would never be the honeymoon!!)I also like that I feel connected with past generations of women and I do see how it really helped protect women in the past (in my opinion, I didn't read that anywhere).At the same time, I have some feminist-related issues with it. And I think the laws became too strict over time. Thanks to Rachiemoo (who by the way, always finds exactly what I'm looking for!), I read a more lenient/biblical ruling from the Conservative movement and I think I'll follow that.

Rachiemoo

a little off topic, deborahandsteven - two of my SILs studied at Nishmat in Jerusalem and loved it, it seems like such a great place for Jewish women.

MoFree

As a Reform Jew by choice (aren't we all Jews by choice, though) this is something new to me. RedZee, I'm glad you stated taht as a feminist you have some issues with this custom. I won't give my opinion lest I offen someone more traditional.

Rachiemoo

mofree- for the record, there are a lot of feminist women who follow niddah, in fact many view it is a means to sexual feedom and liberation.

Danaz1

I met with the Rabbis wife who is orthodox to talk about the mikvah. She told me about all of the customs but she is realistic and knows most people don't observe it.

MoFree

Rachiemoo, I think there are just as many feminists who have a different perspective and that we have to agree to disagree.

RedZee

MoFree - I think Rachiemoo's point is that the not observing/following/believing/supporting niddah is not an official "feminist perspective". I think it would be hard to find a feminist who doesn't believe that a woman should be paid the same as a man for the same job, but issues of family purity are not necessarily so black and white.For me, a major factor is that the Torah plainly states that men and women should abstain during that time period. This falls into a category where my feminism and my faith have to work it out.

silversparks

rachiemoo - slightly off topic - I was at Nishmat for the summer program about 6 years ago, and occasionally still go when they have speakers in the city - it is definitely a frum environment but the quality of their teachers is excellent...We are trying to observe some elements of taharat hamishpacha - me going to the mikvah every month, not having sex for a certain amount of time, etc. We definitely talked about what DH can do to be a part of this. He wanted to go to the mikvah too before the wedding, and that has kind of evolved into him taking time for a bath, etc. when I go to the mikveh (so we both have some prep and self-care time)... As much as I think it can be a very powerful and important mitzvah for women, I think figuring out how to do it as a couple is helping us deal with some of the feminist issues and makes it much more rewarding for us to observe together (it's not ALL about me and my body)

signingjulie

I am meeting with an Orthodox rabbi's wife (just started a few wks ago) and plan to go in the mikvah.  she gave me a book called "Total Immersion: A Mikvah Anthology" by Rivkah Slonim, which explains all the customs and has a compilation of people's stories/experiences.  She also gave me a video called Still Waters run deep.  HTH

ozziejules

I'm also doing my Kallah classes currently (orthodox). I recommend them to anyone, as even if you have no interest in following the customs relating to family purity, it is really interesting to learn about. I can recommend: waters of eden- the mystery of the mikvah by aryeh kaplan total immersion- a mikvah anthology by rivkah slonim and to be a jewish woman by lisa aiken

slbriz34

I've discussed the whole topic with my rabbi and I wouldn't be surprised if it came up again as we have more discussions about the wedding.   There is definitely recognition that most Jews do not follow the practice (though is wife does). I will not do so; my mikveh visits will be limited strictly to before my wedding and maybe at least once a year before Yom Kippur or to commemorate some other life cycle event.  However, in my own way, I have my own personal minchag that's similar to niddah - just not the same long waiting period or mikveh visit.