Jewish Weddings

Bat Mitzvah - How much to give?

Duplicate Post from Chicago Board!My boss's daughter is having her bat mitzvah, and my husband and I have been invited. I don't really know her, but my boss and I are on a small team of three, so I know him well. The celebration is on a Sunday afternoon at a nice resturant. I have never been to a bat mitzvah before. I am assuming you are supposed to bring a gift, right? How much would you spend on something like this? Do I "cover the cost of the meal"? I feel like that's a little too much to give someone I don't really know. Or do I equate it to a Christian confirmation and give the same I would do for that? But I would feel a little cheap taking that route - as most confirmations that I have been to are typically family only at someones home. If you are supposed to bring a gift - what do you give? Cash? Religous presents? Other gifts that would interest a 13 yr old girl? Thanks for helping out a clueless Catholic!!! :)
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Re: Bat Mitzvah - How much to give?

  • edited December 2011
    In my circle (metro NY), we give the same thing we would give for a wedding and, yes, we write a check. I'd probably give $200-$250 since it isn't family, but, I really don't know the custom in other parts of the country.
  • hbrynnhbrynn member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'd do $180. There is symbolism for Jews with the number 18.
  • edited December 2011
    IMO, you can give as little or as much as you feel. When I read the other posts I thought, wow that's a lot!If you want to give cash a multiple of 18 is meaningful. 18 means "chai" or "life".Many people buy gifts to be used later in life (ie. menorahs, candlesticks), jewelry, books (coffee table style, religious), etc.
  • edited December 2011
    I think $136.00 (the 36 is a multiple of 18, the chai, and means double life) is very reasonable, and you could give a small present to with it...maybe a cute sterling pendant (you could get on sale at a department store) any gift you give is generous though, and people should be grateful for that.
  • edited December 2011
    I think maybe different communities do different amounts, because where I'm from $36 or $54 (multiples of 18) would be perfectly acceptable for someone you don't know well, but from what other people said it sounds like that wouldn't be enough in some circles.  You can also go with a necklace or something that a 13 year old would like.
  • ShoshieShoshie member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I usually give double chai -- that's what i gave my bosses daughter at hers last year.Or you can do 68 -- 50 plus chai
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  • RachiemooRachiemoo member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    i'd give ~ $100.  it is for a 12 or 13 year old, i don't think any more than that is necessary.
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'd give a lot less than some of those earlier posts! I've been giving $100-$150 for cousin's children and I would give less than that to the child of a boss. I know lots of people here do multiples of $18, but I've never done it and people I know tend not to do it (I say that based on the fact that I received no wedding checks like that).
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with goldgold and rachiemoo, and I'm from NYC. This isn't family or a close relation so it's a bit absurd to give a 12/13 y/o over $200!  If you want to give cash, I'd give mulitiples of $18 - whatever you feel comfortable with.  But why not look to give a nice, meaningful gift.  There are great books folks give to girls for their bat mitzvah.  Or perhaps a nice gift certificate to a favorite store in lieu of cash. Don't feel like you have to shell out a ton of money just because this is your boss' daughter's party.  GL.
  • signingjuliesigningjulie member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No offense to the pp's, but I don't care what part of the country you're in, giving $200 for a Bat Mitzvah of your boss' daughter you don't even know is ridiculous. Writing a check for a multiple of $18 is fine. $54 or $72 would suffice. Or give her a gift card/certificate to a store she likes. p.s. if you ask a bunch of Jewish women a question, expect to get at least 6 different answers, lol
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone for your oppinions.  I think the multiple of 18 would work nicely.  I'll probably do a gift card somewhere.  The $$ suggested in the earlier posts is more than my boss gave me for my wedding so I think I'll keep it to 54 or 72. 
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  • lauren9317lauren9317 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No offense to the pp's, but I don't care what part of the country you're in, giving $200 for a Bat Mitzvah of your boss' daughter you don't even know is ridiculous. Writing a check for a multiple of $18 is fine. $54 or $72 would suffice. Or give her a gift card/certificate to a store she likes. I totally agree, I was shocked that anyone would give that much! I would probably give $54, or a gift card to a store she likes. I gave my cousin a $50 gc to Hollister for her BatM a few years ago.
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