Circling Tradition Meaning

stahlop

What exactly are the origins of the bride circling the groom?  I wanted to do it at my wedding, but the rabbi was hesitant because he said it was demeaning to the bride.  He said it meant I was saying I was giving up my world to revolve around my husbands needs.  I told him I wanted to do it anyway and I've seen that the groom can now circle the bride as well.  So, what are the meanings for the circling?  Thanks.

robinmsw

As with most Jewish traditions, it has lots of different interpretations.  We're doing it, and this is what we're putting in our program:Prior to entering the chuppah, Robin and Jay will encircle each other seven times total.  There are many interpretations of this tradition, including a symbolic protection aroundt eh couple to shelter them from harm from the outside.  Others see it as an act that defines a new family circline, binding Robin and Jay as a new family unit.

Danaz1

what kind of rabbi is marrying you who would say that it was demeaning to women. That is crazy. I did it and i never thought it was demeaning. You can also circle him 3 time he will circle you 3 time and then you circle together.

Knottie_22381855

I have to say, and I mean no offense to your rabbi, that is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard! Clearly this is a tradition he doesn't believe in, but, to tell you that is just ludicrous! There are multiple meanings, but, the ones that we believe in (and, I circled my husband only) are below (excerpt from my program). Circles Before entering the Chuppah, Lisa will circle Glenn three times. There are different explanations for the practice of the bride circling the groom. One is that she is creating the space they will share together. Another is that she possesses the ability to form a protective circle around her groom and herself.

goldgold

I can see where the rabbi is coming from. If you don't like that and the circling doesn't symbolize that to you then do it. I believe some people do 3 times instead of 7 or have the groom also circle 3 and then circle once together. I wanted FI to share the circling with me, but he says that he smashes the cup and I have the circling so it's each our own thing. I'm a little torn about it. Since he won't do it with me I'd prefer to do 3 times personally, but will have to make sure the rabbi is ok with that. I'm still going to try to convince FI ;)I'd like to think of it as creating a space and home for us. I don't believe it's just the woman's job, but I do think it's a nice sentiment.

tenofcups4me

I get what your rabbi means, though I'm not sure that demeaning is quite the right word. From what I've read it basically symbolizes what the above posters have already said -- the concepts of creating the home space, or protecting the groom and the home, or making the groom the center of the bride's life. None of those resonate to me as something I wanted to do as the bride alone, though they all make some sort of sense to me if both the bride and groom do it. FWIW, I think it's a very old-fashioned tradition that from what I can tell is making some sort of comeback in more egalitarian ways with the bride and groom both doing it. I'm a lot older than most here (in my 40s) and my friends never would have considered circling 20 years ago because of all the sexist connotations. I've seen it done exactly twice at all the weddings I've attended. But it seems that some are kind of reeclaiming it with both people doing it. It's not something I personally ever considered doing. Since I've rarely seen it, it's not part of what I considered "tradition."

slbriz34

That you *want* to do it but your rabbi said it was demeaning imho leaves much to be said - certainly, he could have chosen better words. Be that as it may, I am doing it, I am doing the full 7 and I put in my program the meanings others have mentioned.   You can totally make it something for yourself; I like the idea of creating a space uniquely for my husband and I and that that will be conveyed for all is a lovely thing. If you don't want to circle 7, try 3 or you both can do a combination.  If this is something you want to do, do not let your rabbi discourage you - after all, it is still your wedding day.  GL.

ABH2105

I circled 7 times and it was very meaningful for me, for my husband, and I think for all of our guests. It gives lots of time for thinking about two people joining as one at the beginnning of the ceremony. Here is how we explained it in our program. This origin of this tradition is actually unknown and explanations widely vary. For your rabbi to say some interpretation is so absolute is ridiculous and for him to say its demeaning is just wrong.                                  Hakafot (circling) GOD HAS CREATED SOMETHING NEW ON THE EARTH, A WOMAN WILL ENCOMPASS A MAN.                                                      - JEREMIAH 31:21 WHEN AMANDA REACHES THE CHUPPAH, SHE WILL CIRCLE JEFFREY SEVEN TIMES.  THIS IS AN ANCIENT CUSTOM WITH A VARIETY OF EXPLANATIONS AS TO THE ORIGIN OF THE TRADITION.  AS THE BRIDE CIRCLES THE GROOM, SHE BINDS THEM TOGETHER.  JUST AS IT TOOK SEVEN DAYS TO CREATE THE EARTH, AND IT TAKES SEVEN BLESSING TO SANCTIFY THE MARRIAGE – SO TOO DOES IT TAKE SEVEN CIRCLES TO BIND AMANDA AND JEFFREY TOGETHER AS A FAMILY UNIT.

lachlom

That is an awful thing for your Rabbi to say. The bride circling the groom creates a circle that encompasses their future family together, sealing themselves together so that no one else may pass that circle. I can't think of a better way to describe it. It is not a sign of submission, it is actually the woman creating a 'boundary' around her marriage, keeping it sacred.

bonniebrett

my rabbi asked if we wanted to circle, and he said exactly what i was thinking before i could ask. he said, some brides don't want to do it because they think it means they are saying that their life now revolves around their husband, but it in fact means that we are symbolizing our new bond and home. i am creating a circle, and the circle is our new life together as a family. so in that sense, it's more demeaning to FI! It's like I'm marking my territory, and telling everyone else to stay away, he's mine!

stahlop

Thanks for all the responses!  I went to a Jewish wedding the same night I posted and she had the 7 days symbol as well.  I'm thinking I like the 3 circles, the groom 3 circles and then both of us circle.  And I like the symolization that we are joining our worlds by circling each other.  I think that is what we'll do.  Now I just have to figure out the right wording.