S/o previous post, Who paid for your wedding?

MoFree

I hope this doesn't upset anyone and I'm not interested in the amount, just curiosu who paid for your wedding, what percentage was yoru parents, your inlaws and you and your spouse. My DH and I had every intention of completely paying for our wedding because that's what I'm accustomed to and believe that as adults you should pay for things yourself. My MIL sent us a very generous check as a Hanukah present which covered approximately 80% of the costs. Technically we paid since we were the ones writing the checks, but I was aware it was her money. If we were to do it over, I don't know if we would have accepted her money because no one likes to feel beholden to someone and there is no free lunch.

bonniebrett

my parents paid for most, with FIL's contributing what amounted to about 20%. i'm not young (30), but my parents refused to let me pay a penny for anything. of course, that means that i have to deal with it being their party, and not mine

ilovemycarats

our parents are splitting it 50/50.

tenofcups4me

This is all from the first time I got married. My parents told us right up front that they had $x to give to us to use as we wanted. In the end, I'd say that came to about 1/2 the cost of the whole thing, maybe a drop less. Or another way to look at it is that it pretty much covered the reception. It was a very generous amount and plenty of people make entire weddings on signifcantly less than that, but my ex- and I were in our 30s and able to contribute quite a bit ourselves. His parents told us they'd cover the band or the florist, whichever was more. Turned out the band we chose was more. They also offered to host a rehearsal dinner, but we weren't having a rehearsal and I did not want anyone to feel they had to come in town a day early for a silly dinner so we declined. In the end, they hosted a brunch the day after instead. So...don't know exact figures, but something like: my parents 50%, his parents 15%, us 35% FWIW, sometimes there IS a free lunch. I didn't feel beholden to either set of parents in any way.

Knottie_22381855

We probably paid for maybe 5%.  My parents paid for the majority of my wedding and they wouldn't have had it any other way.  And, I was 36 when I got married. My parents, and others in my family, feel it's a mitvah and a joy to be able to throw your daughter a wedding.My mother let me know at a very young age that she and my father would be the hosts and I would be a guest at my wedding.  In reality, my mother and I have very similar taste and didn't have to fight over anything.  For example, if I had wanted a punk rock band, I'm sure there would have been arguments over them paying, but, none of that happened.  I asked for my mother's opinion, but I selected the menu.  If we had very different ideas of what a wedding should be, I don't think this arrangement would have worked.Now, all of that said, my mother still occasionally gets irritated that my MIL (who doesn't have a dime but lives like she does) didn't at least offer something.  We would NEVER have asked and my parents probably wouldn't have taken it, but, she felt she should have offered something, especially when she made comments to me like "you have to make sure you have baby lambchops" and "make sure you don't have any carnations because they look cheap".She did pay (well, Glenn gave her the money so it appeared that she paid) for the kiddush after Glenn's aufruf because we discussed that that would be appropriate for her to pay for and we ended up dickering over $1000.....

Shoshie

My father, my grandparents (on both sides), my aunt paid for our kettubah, I paid for some, DH took care of his stuff, his parents paid for some. My mother is the only one who didn't contribute -- although she later gave us mileage to get to Europe for our cruise.

penaltyshot

My parents paid for nearly everything because they wanted to do so. My MIL paid for the cake and my husband was planning on paying for the rehearsal lunch, but my father ended up taking the bill and wouldn't let him. We would have paid for the wedding if my parents hadn't offered, but it certainly wouldn't have been as nice.In return, we have not borrowed any money from my parents or the bank to pay for our house and all the remodeling/landscaping that we've done.

bonniebrett

LBR_NJ - you made me laugh. my parents are footing most of the bill (prob 80%), and at the caterer, FMIL was stuck on baby lamb chops... which my parents weren't paying extra for.

Knottie_22381855

Bonnie - you're better than me!  I didn't even include my MIL in the menu planning at all!!!  She just came out with this one day about the baby lambchops!

SpceCadet

We are adults (30 and 42) and our parents have offered equal amounts of contribution equaling about 25% from each side and 50% our responsibility. We've been open about how their money will be spent (location, catering) and they are happy with our choices.

slbriz34

My FI and I are paying for everything - even then, there's a split.  He makes a lot more than I do, so I am paying for lots of the deposits, my and MOH dresses and accessories.  I'm also doing all the paper and the kippot.  With that in mind, I have made sure to get good deals whenever I can and to keep a balanced budget.  Aside from the venue, which required a deposit up front and he came with me to review it, I've done all the work and he'll basically be taking out the check book a few weeks before the wedding.  I hope we'll get some nice gifts from our families, but I doubt it'll cover the cost of much.  So I at least made sure to register for things we can use for our home and hope that they'll at least get us a few things from there.  But given that we are both professionals in our 30s, no one offered a penny.  Probably just as well, I don't have to account to anyone what I am planning - well worth it if you can do it!

bonniebrett

LBR, they told FI they wanted to come

october010bride

Fi's parents have generiously contributed a set amount which will cover the welcome dinner, after wedding brunch, and just about more than half of the reception cost. Fi and I will be providing the rest. I have $ from my grandmother and mother (they have both passed) to use on the wedding and anything else we will need will be paid for out of pocket by fi and I.

alinaandjared

I am not sure to the last dollar what my parents contributed but it was about 60%, DH and I contributing 20% (to cover photographer, ketubah, and bridal party gifts) and his parents about 20%- enough to cover their guests, the aufruf, and donation to the temple. My grandparents saved a little at a time from their social security checks to pay for my dress- it makes me teary every time I think about it.... my dress was not cheap (nor over the top) and they WOULD NOT have it any other way.

BenandDina

I think what the "right" thing is to do varies widely, family to family. My parents paid for about 1/3 of our wedding, we paid for 1/3, and my in-laws paid for about 1/3. That was an arrangement that suited all of us, and everyone's input was considered, but both sets of parents were very good about not imposing their own tastes on us and focusing the wedding on what we wanted. Well, everyone, except my Stepmom, but she is diagnosable.

signingjulie

My mom is contributing about 70% FMIL 20% FI and I 10%. We both don't have very much money right now and my mom basically insisted. FI's mom offered a certain $ amount and offered to buy our ketubah and host the rehearsal dinner. They both offered this, we did not ask. My mom is insistent on throwing us a nice wedding and wants to do it.

lynniearudner

My parents are paying for most of it (maybe 90%). They have told me constantly that this is something they have been looking forward to hosting (i am an only child) and have always wanted to participate in that mitzvah. FIs family seems pretty disinterested with the entire thing. I'm not sure if this is because it is his second marriage or something else entirely, but every time I try to engage them on ideas or anything they pretty much blow me off. It took FI about 2 months to get them to let us know if they wanted to have any sort of "family dinner" the night before (we were not planning an RD, and this dinner is going to be 15 people, max). i almost feel like we are pulling teeth. Like LB said - though - the contribution of my folks this does at times make me feel like a "guest" at my own wedding, though after some rough starts I think my mom and I are at a place where we are both able to feel comfortable. Initially FI and I gave in to her desire to have the event closer to their hometown (still 5 hours from FIs hometown and 50% of our friends) but after getting relatively deep into the planning, it was actually my mom who voiced disappointment about the venue (and location) and eventually warmed to our idea of a slighter more "desitnation" type setting (not that Northern NY is exactly a destination, but, you know!)

2dBride

For my first wedding (when I was still in law school), my parents gave us a set dollar amount, and told us that we could a) have a blow-out wedding and use it all, b) elope and keep it as a wedding present, or c) do anything in between.  His parents took the approach of paying for specific items, e.g., the rehearsal dinner.  Also, if his parents wanted things we didn't care about (e.g., flowers to decorate the synagogue), they paid for them.  My parents honestly didn't care what we did for the wedding, and his parents were lovely people who didn't try to dictate things, so it all worked out.For my second wedding, we paid for everything.

MoFree

Based on the responses here and the experiences of people I know, I was born into the wrong ethnic group in terms of helping their children. How nice to have such generous families who are able and desirous of contributing to your weddings. I think it is a safe generalization to say that the actual wedding does not have the same significance for working class Czech Catholic families as they do in the Jewish community. Alina, What a touching story about your grandmother's generosity. I honestly cannot imagine, but it has to be a wonderful feeling that she would do something like that for you.

slbriz34

I don't think ones ethnic group necessarily determines who'll pay for what.  I'm sure if we were a lot younger (and perhaps students) and our parents had money, they would pay for our wedding.  I know Catholic friends where families paid and where other didn't; same for my Indian friends, etc. In today's age and given that many folks are getting married later, there's not always the expectation that parents will foot the bill.  Or, as is the case with many, some parents cannot afford it. Certainly one day, G-d willing, if I can contribute to the wedding of my kids, I will.  But we aren't going to fall into customs or archaic practices where his parents expect us to pay or our kids will expect us to foot X amount.

Liz4444

my parents are paying for 100% of the wedding and his are paying for the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon.  my parents are very traditional in the fact that they believe the brides parents should host and would not accept any money from his family.