Jewish Weddings
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weekday wedding

we are having a jewish ceremony and on the planning and etiquette board, it is seen as being rude to have a late night wedding on a sunday, monday, or thursday. friday is out for religious belifes, and saturday night, we could never afford based on what we want to have. on top of it, i have some orthodox relatives (mainly from israel) where it is common to have a wedding on "obscure" days. i know lose friends and relatives will go to the wedding regardless of the day. coworkers and acquaintances probably not.my question is, do i risk upsetting some relatives by pleasing many coworkers and acquaintances (all christian) by going with a day convenient for them, go just add some note with an invite addressing jewish days for weddings?i really do feel like a jew living in a goyim world lol.

Re: weekday wedding

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    Danaz1Danaz1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ours was on a Sunday night at 5:00 and everyone came coworkes and all. I don't see it as rude at all. I don't think i would would do a monday on thursday though
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    edited December 2011
    We're having a Sunday wedding that will be held over a long weekend (but not all need to be over a long weekend). Our ceremony is set to begin at 3 and then the cocktail hour will start at 4:30(ish). The whole thing will be over by 9:30. I think there is nothing wrong with Jewish weddings being held on Sundays... just plan to have it end earlier than 10. If people need to leave they can leave but its def not rude. Oh and I know that a lot of Jewish NYC brides are recently flocking to Thursday night weddings. Its way cheaper and depending on your guest list can go over fairly well. gl!
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    edited December 2011
    My wedding is an evening wedding on a Sunday. It is MLK weekend so that Monday school teachers and wall street people are off. My mom works for the school district and my FI works on wall street. That is what I cared about most. While it will be nice if everyone can come, I look at it as money saved if they don't and I still get married in front of the people that mean the most to me.
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    edited December 2011
    The fact that you are having difficulty deciding between pleasing your coworkers and pleasing your relatives is a little disconcerning but that being said, I would do the wedding on a Sunday. Most (all???) of the ladies here got married on Sundays and obviously very few of them were on 3day weekends as there are only a handful each year. As pp said, if the event is over by 10pm then your local guests can still be home in time for 8 hrs of sleep and work the next day. DH and I live about 2 hrs from my parents, where our wedding was held. We got married on a Sunday- people came from all over, Israel, California, Colorado, Pennsylvania, Arizona, etc. etc.- I should point out that we live in CT and wedding was in NY. My boss, his wife, and his adult son all drove 2 hrs each way to get to and from our wedding, on a Sunday, and he was at work on Monday. It can be done. If it matters for your invitees to witness you get married, they will make sacrifices to be there.
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    RachiemooRachiemoo member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    do it when you want to do it! there is nothing wrong with having a Sunday wedding and I've heard of many being done on Mondays or Thursdays as well! Do what YOU want, do not let the P&E board dictate what you should do :D
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    edited December 2011
    You didn't indicate when your wedding date is?  I see nothing wrong with an early Sunday wedding; many weddings take place early in the day but even those that have the later slot are usually done by 10pm at the latest.  If you aren't set on a date yet, then try a holiday weekend, so if you want to have the festivities end late, folks don't have to worry about work the next day and those that are traveling will have a travel day.As for your Israeli relatives, if they are just a few and are more extended, distant relatives, then your focus should be more on what you and your immediate/closer family members desire.  When it comes to weddings, you can have what appears to be the perfect date and still some folks won't come for whatever reason.  It's your day - go for what you want and everyone else, co-workers, family, etc. will have to adjust.  If it means a smaller, more intimate wedding - frankly, you're probably better off and will have more fun.  GL.
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    ShoshieShoshie member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    He were married Sunday at 4... those who could come, came.
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    tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm not actually sure what your question is. You ask about upsetting relatives by choosing a date convenient for co-workers, but also explain you can't do it Friday or Saturday night. So what days are you actually considering? I've been to a few Sunday night weddings. Not my favorite for obvious reasons, but I don't think they're at all horrible. And I understood the reasons why people had them on Sunday. The most recent one that I attended -- an Orthodox Jewish ceremony and reception on Staten Island -- lasted till about midnight on Sunday night. FWIW, that was a wedding for a co-worker and those of invited did attend, Jewish or not. I know that in some crowds Monday and Thursday nights are becoming more common, but I've never attended one and honestly don't know anyone who's had a wedding on either of those days.
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    MoFreeMoFree member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My advice would be to hold your wedding on whatever day works best for you. You will always have some people who won't be able to attend whenever you hold it. To me a weekday wedding would be really inconvenient to attend because I have evening classes but would have no issue one on a Sunday evening.
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    silversparkssilversparks member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Most of the Jewish weddings I have attended are on Sundays, but in very Orthodox circles, Tuesdays are also traditional. I'm not sure what you mean by "late night wedding" or why you would add a note about "Jewish days for weddings"? Choose a date and time that works for you - like you said, close friends and relatives will be there.
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    2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd say you go with what works for you, but understand that some people may not be able to be there because of the day/time.  In our case, the wedding was on a Tuesday at noon, but it was tiny--just a dozen people--and the logistics of having a weekend wedding would have been horrible for us.  We didn't hold it against the people who couldn't attend at that time.
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    masteralephmasteraleph member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sundays are, as people have pointed out, the best of a relatively bad situation. If you're willing to make the holiday weekend compromise, then do it the Sunday of a holiday weekend (i.e. before MLK day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, etc), and send out save the dates way ahead of time. Tuesdays are also somewhat traditional in Judaism (the third day in Genesis refers to things being good twice), and I've seen Thursday weddings in Jewish circles as well. Depending on how religious your coworkers and acquaintances are (I'm aware they're Christian), you could always do a late morning/afternoon wedding. Start at 11:30, be done before dinnertime, locals can go home and rest a bit, and relatives can potentially make it home even from out of town.
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    lachlomlachlom member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think it's so crazy to hear things like 'Sunday is the best option out of a bad situation'...Sunday weddings are incredibly common in the Orthodox Jewish world, as are weekday weddings. Some do Tuesdays because, in the Torah, it says 'and it was good' twice on Tuesday(the third day).I think you will be fine with a weekday or sunday wedding. The only weekday wedding I've ever heard of as being difficult or annoying is my boy's friend is getting married the day before Thanksgiving ;)
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    eglucroft eglucroft member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    okay, my biased two cents - biased because we're getting married the thursday before memorial day weekend, and we're pretty psyched about it! reasons why it works best for us are many: - my fiance is graduating medical school the weekend before so that was out, and we didn't want to get married on memorial day weekend(by the time we got engaged in july, most places were booked for then anyway) - his grandma definitely had to be there - she's flying in from south africa for his graduation, and can't stay for very long - most of his family is actually coming from out of the country, so the day doesn't matter much for them, most of my family lives within a 2 hour drive so easy for them on a weekday - most of our friends are also within a few hours drive at most - we checked with those we're closest to and no one complained about it! i can't say that its saving us much money - i think a kosher wedding in connecticut is going to be expensive no matter the day! in the end, you need to go with what works best for you. we realized up front that if people don't come because its a weekday, that's their loss, not ours! good luck! ~elyse
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