Bigoted relatives

MoFree

I regret that I didn't speak up yesterday when one of my uncles made a really offensive anti-Semitic comment at the party after my niece's baptism. The man is an across the board bigot and has said some awful things not only about Jews (although he has never known any except for my husband and now me), African Americans, gays, Asians, Hispanics or basically anyone who is not exactly like him. There's nothing uglier than a drunken racist / bigot. I rationalized that my silence was not approval but that i did not want to cause an ugly scene and take away from the celebration. I find it ironic hat to some more traditional people I'm not even considered Jewish because I studied with a female Reform rabbi and had a Reform conversion but to some family members I'm "the Jew" and that's not really a positive thing.

Shoshie

Just look at him and say: You know uncle XXXX.... thank god bigotry isn't genetic or I could have ended up like you...and walk away.

october010bride

I'm sorry I think I'd react like you... I wouldn't want to cause a scene but inside I'd boiling. I just don't undstand people sometimes...

slbriz34

It's a tough position to be in.  Had it just been a regular dinner or get together, I would have unleased.  But you are right, it was your niece's baptism and if saying something would have caused a scene, despite the fact that you would be right, many might have been upset that you couldn't let it go for the sake of the event. Everything is about timing; what I may have done, had I been in your shoes, is say something to him as the festivities were winding down.  But it can't just be you; if other family members don't say anything and he continues to be invited to functions, then he doesn't have to change his ways. I would never allow a family member, whether on my side or his, to attend any function I was holding.  If someone else had a function and he was going to be there, I'd make it clear to not seat us anywhere near the person.  The more you voice your dislike for a person's actions, others will pick up and follow suit.

BenandDina

I think you did the right thing by not taking the attention away from your niece's celebration, but I would approach him privately on a different occasion (or perhaps, contact him) and tell him that his commentary was unnecessary, inappropriate, bigoted and unappreciated.  Obviously, you can't change him being a bigot, but you can make it clear that you won't tolerate him spouting hateful remarks around you and your DH any longer.  If he can't keep his mouth shut, he could at least, zip it around you.