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Jewish Weddings
Some questions about breaking glass
I'm trying to figure out the glass breaking thing. I'd really like both my future husband and me to break it together, rather than just him alone. Did anyone do this or have you seen this done? How do we keep it from looking awkward? Should we have 2 glasses to break or should I put my foot on top of his? The second option seems pretty awkward in my mind. Any advice on this is greatly appreciated.
My other question is on where to buy the glass. Are there any coupons or free shipping offers anywhere? And is it safe to order the Shardz glass through the mail or will it do its breaking business prematurely on its way to me?
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Re: Some questions about breaking glass
I think you might also have to consider your guests. Will there be guests in attendance who might find this rude and disapprove?
I have seen a same-sex wedding were both partners broke a glass simultaneously - it was a really nice touch.
I'm leaving the glass to my guyI - i think he's been excited about that since he was a boy and I know it'll mean alot to him
all this to say: if it is meaningful to you to step on the same glass as your FH or to have a glass of your own, do it. if your rabbi objects, get a different rabbi. i think the only thing you should consider are your reasons for this, so that when you do bring it up with the rabbi or your FI, that you have a clear reason for wanting to do it. i can think of dozens of reasons for a bride to step on the glass, and i'm sure you can too.
good luck!
V.
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Dh and I broke the glass together. I'm Jewish and he isn't and it was something we wanted to do together.
I'd been previously married (also to a non-Jew) and in that ceremony, he broke the glass by himself only because I couldn't think of a way for us both to do it. I didn't want for both of us to try to break one glass together since he was wearing regular men's shoes and I was wearing formal women's shoes, which don't offer much protection. And I thought it would lose some of the symbolism that was important to me if we each broke our own glass. (My preferred symbolism has nothing to do with the temple and is all about life changes.) But I always felt kind of bad that he did it at that wedding and thought later that either I should have done it myself since it was my tradition or we should have found a way to do it together.
Dh and I discussed it and he liked the idea of us doing it together. He built something that allowed us to both do it. I forget the details but it was a piece of wood that the glass sat under -- the wood was wide enough for us both to put a foot on it at the same time and the pressure of both of our feet when we stomped at the same time broke the glass.
As I understand it, breaking the glass is a CULTURAL TRADITION, not any kind of religious imperative so you can do it any way you want (or frankly not at all). Sure, the tradition is that the groom does it, but there are loads of traditions I don't follow when they no longer make any sense. To me this fell into that category. And honestly, I preferred the symbolism of BOTH of us doing it.
While I can see making sure that the ceremony is not a problem for immediate family members, my goal in creating my wedding ceremony was to have something meaningful to me. If that offends any guest, then that's their problem, not mine, and they're free to use any traditions in the way they prefer at their own weddings.
If you both want to break the glass, I would get 2 separate glasses, wrap them in napkins and do it simultaneously. Having seen people miss, and I don't know if you're wearing heels, but putting your foot on top of his just sounds potentially awkward.
We used a lightbulb, it's cheap and makes a nice crunch. If you like the shardz idea, can you get the glass in 2 colours and then makes something out of the pieces put together? Either way, put the glass in a plastic bag then cover it with a napkin so that the pieces don't go flying (easy clean-up, especially if you want to save them). I'm pretty confident that shardz takes its packing material seriously, but if you're concerned about breakage en route, just don't order it at the last minute.
[QUOTE]I agree with Julie. I understand you may be having an egalitarian ceremony, but it really is the groom who breaks the glass, not the bride, and not both.
Posted by ballandchain10[/QUOTE] Maybe for you the groom breaks the glass, but there is no rule that stipulates that it has to be that way.
My feeling is that if it's meaningful to you and your future husband, then by all means have 2 glasses and you break one while he breaks the other. I really don't see why people would get offended by doing something different. There's nothing halachic about a man being the one to break the glass, just tradition. Maybe I see things differently now after DH's recent brush with death, but you cannot live your life based on avoiding what might offend someone else. As long as it is not directly causing them harm it's none of their business what you do at YOUR wedding ceremony.
I've never actually seen anyone else try that -- I'm a non-Jew marrying a Jew in an interfaith ceremony, so I haven't been to that many Jewish weddings. So I can't say how well it'll work, but it's our plan.
Though I like your option, tenofcups4me.
IGMuse, I'll see if I can find a pic of it to post (computer crashed last week and even though I know I have backups, I'm not sure where everything is right now). I'll also ask DH if he remembers what he did.
You can always hold his hands when he breaks the glass. We had a fairy equal ceremony, but I didn't want to worry about it rolling under my gown or not breaking under the weight of my shoe.
Adam & Shoshie 10-21-07: "My family is big and loud and everybody's in each other's lives and business. ... but wherever I go, they will always be there." * My Blog: Tales of a Hopeful Jewish Mom to Be *
I found a nice, blue, small sized (thin) wine glass at a discount store (Homesense). I think it was about $3. Better than paying $30 + shipping IMO. My sister-in-law is going to make us a pouch out of a satin we paid about $4 for, and we'll wrap the glass in some paper inside the pouch for some extra padding/safety.
Far from being too easy to break, it was way too hard! We tried together to break it, we tried separately, at one point my son even tried to help. NotFroofy was at one point actually standing on the thing, and it still didn't break. By that time, I was wondering whether it would be too much of a violation of tradition to throw the thing out the window to break it. ;-) NotFroofy finally managed to break it only by stamping very sharply on it--something which is hard to do in unison.
Thus, if you are planning to do it in unison, you might want to try something easier, like a light bulb. Or you could have one breaking glass for each of you, and put a ribbon between the two of them.
I will say the one advantage of the type of glass we used was that it produced enough shards, which were colorful enough, that we managed to have it made into a mezuzah by an Etsy seller after the wedding:
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