Hello There! (intro)

bsidebella

Hi there. Just wanted to properly intro myself before posting. I'm usually on NEY but thought I'd come over here to learn. So happy to know there is a community of other Jewish ladies here; I often feel very alone in my circle of friends, I'm usually the token Jew.

Well, I'm a recent college graduate, 23 years old. BF is also 23. We've been together 2 years. We both work full time and are moving in together on Sept. 1st. We have been seriously talking about marriage for a long time. He has a ring, but has not proposed yet.

BF was raised in a mixed marriage - mother is Catholic, father is Jewish (non-observant). He grew up celebrating Christmas and Hannukah, but that is it. He had never been to a service until he attended with me on Rosh Hashana last year.

When we first started discussing marriage, I was very firm that I wanted to have a Jewish ceremony. I did not want to lose my Jewish identity. Growing up as one of very few practicing Jews in my town, I am very fierce about defending my religion. I told him he did not have to participate, but when it came to any future kids, they would be raised Jewish.

Not only did he wholeheartedly agree to this, but decided that before we married, he would formally convert to Judaism. He even asked if he could speak to my rabbi once he proposed. It made me so happy.

Oddly enough, I have never been to a Jewish wedding (that I can remember). All my relatives who are married have been for nearly my whole life. I'm the oldest cousin on my dad's side and the second oldest on my mom's, and, as far as I know, will most likely be the first one to get engaged. So...yay for new experiences!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to learning from the seasoned veterens here

Rachiemoo

hello and welcome

Jeni35

Hello! Unless you are plannong on an interfaith or reform ceremony, your FI would have to do the conversion. You both have time to tink and please don't feel that I am patronizing by saying that you're still young yet. It seems like you both have the same mindset. While making sure that you insist your future kids are raised as Jews; just double check that a part of FI doesn't also want to show the kids xmas. It is also something he has grown up with and it is  a part of him. Welcome!

bsidebella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_hello-there-intro?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:2a4a32c8-f142-47d2-8958-d3abc702b405Post:328ff04e-8d76-4e34-854b-d4dc3ab9b043">Re: Hello There! (intro)</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello! Unless you are plannong on an interfaith or reform ceremony, your FI would have to do the conversion. You both have time to tink and please don't feel that I am patronizing by saying that you're still young yet. It seems like you both have the same mindset. While making sure that you insist your future kids are raised as Jews; just double check that a part of FI doesn't also want to show the kids xmas. It is also something he has grown up with and it is  a part of him. Welcome!
Posted by Jeni35[/QUOTE]

Thanks! I was raised Reform, so our ceremony will be Reform. But he wants to convert anyway. He said that his whole life, he never really connected with a religion until we started dating, and now feels like in his heart he is Jewish.

As for handling future kids and Christmas, it has definitely come up, and we're still not 100% sure on how to handle that, but are actively discussing it. You're right - we have plenty of time.

ciaraman

Hi, welcome!  I'm converting before my (conservative) wedding in June, so I understand where you and your FI are coming from. It's great that he's talking to the rabbi already (or soon).  I'm just now getting started on the formal stuff with the rabbi, so I'm a little  nervous about having time for everything.

Hope it all works out! The conversations about Christmas, families, etc. can be difficult, but I'm sure you two will be able to deal with them.  FI and I are definitely stronger in our relationship after dealing with that. 

FWIW, FI and I plan to visit my parents for Christmas every year, so the kids will be exposed to it that way.  His SIL converted, and she and his brother do the same thing with their daughters.   But I know your FI's situation is different since he was half-Jewish to start with.

bsidebella

Thanks for the welcome and the encouragement! The situation is not so different. In his family, the Jewish holidays (save for Hannukah) are usually ignored. Easter will probably be an issue, too. His mother sent me an Easter basket this and last year (just to be nice and make me feel included) and my mother was pissed that she had the nerve. I couldn't tell her that I got a stocking at Christmas too 

Good luck with your tutoring!

2dBride

Welcome!  I actually converted to Judaism at the age of 23, before my first marriage (back in 1997--yes, I am older than dirt!)  The marriage ended after about 20 years, but the religion is still with me.  Ironically, my biggest issue the second time around was that my fiancee (now wife) is not Jewish.  However, since a same-sex marriage wasn't going to be recognized by the Orthodox anyway, we just went with a Reform ceremony.

Jeni35

In regards to your mom being upset about the Easter basket, we all have to be accepting of one another. She was including you and I think it was a very nice gesture, especially if she included some good candy! My FI, who is Jewish grew up having an xmas tree. We decided that we will do a Channukah bush. My step-father is Christian so my family celebrates the day with him in a completely non-religious way. There's a mutual respect and that can be hard to compromise on. 

bsidebella

2dBride - thanks for the welcome! That is really cool that you still stuck with the religion

Jeni - Yes, I absolutely agree (also, the idea of the Hannukah bush has definitely come up! Great minds...!). And yes, the Easter basket came with some great candy, except this past Easter fell on Passover and I couldn't eat most of it! />_<

Rachiemoo

that would be funny if they made kosher for passover easter candy!

penaltyshot

Welcome! My husband was also raised in a Christmas/Hannukah home (although his mother was the Jewish one). He always *felt* Jewish, but was never taught much about the religion. Since we started dating, he celebrated holidays with my family (and he's now completely following Passover and Yom Kippur!) and I think he really likes the community aspect ot Judaism.

 It's great that your boyfriend wants to convert officially, so congrats to hiim! I'm sad for you that your mom didn't was upset with the Easter basket. She should be more understanding that that's how his family celebrates and they appreciate your relationship enough to include you in their traditions. It's not like by accepting the basket that you were agreeing that Jesus was resurrected on Easter! It's just a basket of candy!! lol

slbriz34

My hubby loves Christmas - lights, trees, music (which were composed by Jews, fyi) and he's Jewish.  You can separate the religious from the secular and not have it be an issue.

I told him that at least at first, it may be confusing (when/if we have kids).  You cross those bridges when you get to them, so don't worry so much now.

ciaraman

That's a shame about your mom getting upset about the Easter basket.  It's funny that you say that - when I told my parents about converting, my mom said that as long as they could give my future kids Christmas presents and Easter baskets it was fine with them.