Jewish... but not?

emeejeeayen

My mom was raised Catholic, my dad Jewish; not sure if either of them are familiar with any traditions beyond Christmas and Hannukah. Actually, pretty sure my dad isn't very familiar with Hannukah. 

My fiance, however, is Jewish. His mom converted to marry his dad, they attend an orthodox synnagogue even though they're not orthodox, etc. I will not be converting.

FH doesn't keep kosher (not even for Passover), and hasn't been to synnagogue in probably a couple of years, but I'd still like to incorporate a few Jewish traditions into the wedding. His parents had a super small wedding (5 people?) and are unfamiliar with any real traditions. I've read a bit online, but I'm so unaquainted with Jewish traditions that it's difficult to really get a sense.

Notes: Our officiant will be a friend (his grandfather was a rabbi, but he knows little about Jewish traditions); FH synnagogue is in NYC and we will be married in CA; my dad (he's a large-scale artist) will build our huppah to the specifications I designate; I will also be including a few generic Christian elements. 

Can someone walk me through a few options for the ceremony and reception? 

Thank you tons!

samaram

There are a gazillion options...
- you could do an interfaith ketubah (marriage certificate)
- traditionally a bride circles the groom during the ceremony 7 times - you could do that
- there are 7 traditional blessings read that you could read in english
- you could do a hora during the reception and be lifted up on chairs
- you could break a glass at the end of the ceremony
- you could walk down the aisle to a traditional jewish tune (erev shel shoshanim is a popular choice)
..... i am sure there are tons more....

emeejeeayen

Right, I've seen those online, but I'm actually hoping someone can walk me through how those things work in a bit more detail? I assume the DJ would know about the chairs/hora, but for instance with the breaking of the glass, I assume we don't just pause and stop on some glass - is there something that's said?

jessicabessica

I really recommend you read New Jewish Wedding, by Anita Diamant.  It is a great resource for learning about a Jewish wedding ceremony, and it comes across as "here are some traditions, here are different takes on them and what you might consider," rather than "you must do xyz."  

Work with your officiant on what things you want to incorporate and how you will do so.  You could have the seven blessings read in English, by your officiant or by guests that you ask to participate.  Before the breaking of the glass, the officiant can say something briefly about how it is the traditional conclusion of a Jewish wedding ceremony and mention a few interpretations of the symbolism.  

For the hora, definitely talk to the DJ about it beforehand.  If s/he has Jewish wedding experience, it shouldn't be an issue, but I would just go over things, like how long you expect the hora to last and if you want to go up in chairs.  Also, make sure you have non-folding chairs (preferably with arms) available for you and your new H to go up in, if you want to do that.

[Deleted User]

The ketubah is one of the easiest. It also gives you the chance to see one another before ceremony (if you want to do it that way). You can have your mom and dad walk you down the aisle and stand with you under the huppah. If you want to create your own Jewish tradition, pick a taspestry and incorporate that in your huppah. You could then pass that down to your kids to use in their wedding, whether they marry a Jewish person or not. Also, if you are saying your own vows, you can incorporate some things that a Rabbi would say in a traditional Jewish ceremony i.e. "I am my beloveds, and my beloved is mine" is absolutely beautiful. Hope this helps and congratulations