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Jewish Weddings

Orthodox Jewish Wedding

I'm an orthodox Jewish woman.  Not only am I orthodox, but I'm chassidish.  Now, most of you by now are wondering what I am doing on The Knot, but I am here for the same reason you are: I'm getting married. 

A little background:

I was not raised religious and basically had no Jewish idenity beyond knowing I was Jewish.  In fact, I'm the first in my family to be religious in six generations.  My chosen (name for groom in orthodox weddings and is pronounced "CH-oo-san") is the first in his family to be religious since the Communitst take over in Russia.  However, we've both been religious for years and this is our second wedding.

The reason I'm posting this is because the wedding is constantly on my mind, but I'm boring my friends with constant wedding talk.  I've also wanted to open up the floor for those of you interested in what differences can be seen in an orthodox wedding.  I am happy to discuss any topic or answer any question regarding Judaism, Orthodoxy and chassidism.  My only request is that you show me respect just as I show you respect and do not criticize me for my choices.  Judgement is for the Heavenly Tribunal...lets be friends.

My wedding is planned for two days before Rosh HaShannah and it will be held in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, New York.  Most likely the chuppah will be held right outside 770 like most Lubavitcher weddings.

Add me as a friend!  Send me questions!  Lets talk weddings!

Regards,
Miri
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Re: Orthodox Jewish Wedding

  • LBRM_NJLBRM_NJ member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Mazel Tov!  I would never question why you are here.  There are no rules about someone being "too religious"!

    I am a traditional conservative and have been to many orthodox weddings and a handful of chasidim weddings.  Can't wait to hear more of your plans and see your pictures!
    Lisa
    The Knot lost my info, but, I've been married since 6/19/05!
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    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker My Blog - "Helping Make Sense"
  • rivkahstein1rivkahstein1 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Mazel Tov!!! I love wedding talk.  I was raised Orothodox and have been to a number of orothodiox weddings. My fiance and I are conservative and will be having a conservative ceremony.  I have gotten some flack from my family and friend but I have not been orothodox for almost 10 years.  But if you need to talk i would love to chat.  I am getting married in 11days!!! I am super excited. Hope to chat soon!
  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    This board seems to be quite open to diverse viewpoints.  If they can handle the interfaith Reform same-sex weddding we had, I'm sure we can handle having someone Orthodox here.  So welcome!

    Oh, and my daughter is named Miriam.  :-)
  • RachiemooRachiemoo member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Hi Miri!

    I just wanted to welcome you.  I think you will find there is a wide range of Jewish beliefs on this board!  I'm also a Brooklynite btw :)
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  • edited December 2011
    I concur with everyone else.  One thing I'd like to point out - please don't assume we/the board do not know or have dealing with Orthodox or Chassidic community that you feel you have to explain every little thing (like what a groom is called); it can come across as a lecture and the point of the board is to learn, vent, and have fun.  Respect works both ways.  
  • rivkahstein1rivkahstein1 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
     

    Hey guys,
    I am trying to finalize last min wedding plans and I had a quick question about circling the groom 7 times? As stated in my earlier message I was raised orthodox but have not been in about 10 years. My fiancé are having a conservative ceremony but I would like to have it as traditional as possible.  When speaking with our rabbi I asked him about circling 7 times, he said I can do that but I should circle 4 times with my mother and 3 time with his mother.  What do people traditionally do? His reasoning was because the chuppa is not that big and there is not enough room for both of them to go around when speaking with my future mother in law she mentioned that my sister-in law only circled 4 times.  Just wanted to see what you guys suggest.

  • RachiemooRachiemoo member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Rivkah,

    I circled DH 3 times by myself (without my mom or MIL).  As far as I know, circling is a tradition and not Halacha, so I do not think it really matters in the end.  My conservative Rabbi was fine with me circling 7 times, 3 times or not at all.
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  • edited December 2011
    Mazel Tov Miri! So nice to meet you :)
  • edited December 2011
    miri, welcome!!!

    i am having an orthodox wedding including bedeken and tisch. Fi and i came from a conservative upbringing, i became very observant for a few years while living in Israel, but i realized it wasnt how i wanted to live my life, but i feel i should get married the way it is said, but halacha.
  • lachlomlachlom member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hi Miri, I'm Orthodox and having an Orthodox wedding too. Sometimes I feel a little lost in the online world of wedding plans because so much doesn't seem to be relevant. When you don't have mixed dancing and your music is made up of a few Jewish guys playing the traditional Jewish stuff only, your food is all glatt kosher and only can come from a handful of caterers, and your wedding is on, gasp, a sunday!, you sort of don't fit in. :)

    Nice to meet you though and good luck on your plans!
  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_orthodox-jewish-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:3a953a60-64ca-4fa1-a4b6-4ebd77c653aePost:22e8a41e-e269-4357-b478-dd9b9df166b8">Re: Orthodox Jewish Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]When you don't have mixed dancing and your music is made up of a few Jewish guys playing the traditional Jewish stuff only, your food is all glatt kosher and only can come from a handful of caterers, and your wedding is on, gasp, a sunday!, you sort of don't fit in. :) [/QUOTE]If it helps any, our wedding was on a Tuesday.  I have yet to meet a single other Tuesday bride.  Then again, there were so many other ways in which we did not fit in.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
  • LBRM_NJLBRM_NJ member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_orthodox-jewish-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:3a953a60-64ca-4fa1-a4b6-4ebd77c653aePost:22e8a41e-e269-4357-b478-dd9b9df166b8">Re: Orthodox Jewish Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi Miri, I'm Orthodox and having an Orthodox wedding too. Sometimes I feel a little lost in the online world of wedding plans because so much doesn't seem to be relevant. When you don't have mixed dancing and your music is made up of a few Jewish guys playing the traditional Jewish stuff only, your food is all glatt kosher and only can come from a handful of caterers, and your wedding is on, gasp, a sunday!, you sort of don't fit in. :) Nice to meet you though and good luck on your plans!
    Posted by lachlom[/QUOTE]

    Sunday in NJ?  Really not all that uncommon.  Kosher is less common, but, still, not THAT out there, especially in North Jersey!
    Lisa
    The Knot lost my info, but, I've been married since 6/19/05!
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  • edited December 2011
    Welcome! I'm not around much, but I do stop by occasionally (esp. since my FSIL is on here now!!!). I may be asking for your advice shortly, though.

    As far as circling, I circled DH 7 times ALONE. My MOH gave me my train and I held it over my arm as I walked around. It was kind of a small space.
    The Knot won't share my Bump Siggy, so here's the low-down: 4/27/07 - Got engaged! 8/31/08 - Got married (to my best friend)! 12/30/08 - Got Pregnant! 9/3/09 - Welcome to the world, Elias Solomon! 8/16/10 - Got Pregnant, again! 5/14/11 - Welcome to the world, Talia Hadassah! 1/14/12 - Ready or not, here comes #3 (EDD 9/27/12)
  • edited December 2011
    I've never seen circling with the FMIL, but whatever you decide is really up to you.  My rabbi wants my mother to do it, but she hasn't been feeling well and walks very slowly and it'll be enough for her to stand under the chuppah, so I'll have my MOH help with my train as I circle.  I don't really care if he has an issue, as it's not mandated and it's my day (yes, a little bridezilla huffing here is in order... :p).
  • Jeni35Jeni35 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Mazel Tov Miriam! Personally, I am happy that you are on the sight. The Knot welcomes all from diverse areas. I also appreciate you explaining some of your traditions. I don't think it comes across as rude; but it allows people to learn. My parents were Orthodox but my beloved is Reform and we agreed to a conservative wedding. You must be very excited! I don't have a ton of people to talk to either, except my mum, whom I may be driving a little crazy! 

    To answer someone's question about the circling- it appears to be Ashkenazic in tradition and it is not law...more of a custom. You can circle your groom 3, 4 or 7 times or you can both circle together. I posted on another message today that it was traditional for the bride's mother and groom's other to help carry the train; but my mum explained that she would become very dizzy, so I will do it myself. I found a lovely wedding song to circle to and have been practicing, so that I am not dizzy!
  • rivkahstein1rivkahstein1 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_orthodox-jewish-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:3a953a60-64ca-4fa1-a4b6-4ebd77c653aePost:ccefd94e-1eb0-42c0-b586-d20028d7518d">Re: Orthodox Jewish Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Mazel Tov Miriam! Personally, I am happy that you are on the sight. The Knot welcomes all from diverse areas. I also appreciate you explaining some of your traditions. I don't think it comes across as rude; but it allows people to learn. My parents were Orthodox but my beloved is Reform and we agreed to a conservative wedding. You must be very excited! I don't have a ton of people to talk to either, except my mum, whom I may be driving a little crazy!  To answer someone's question about the circling- it appears to be Ashkenazic in tradition and it is not law...more of a custom. You can circle your groom 3, 4 or 7 times or you can both circle together. I posted on another message today that it was traditional for the bride's mother and groom's other to help carry the train; but my mum explained that she would become very dizzy, so I will do it myself. I found a lovely wedding song to circle to and have been practicing, so that I am not dizzy!
    Posted by Jeni35[/QUOTE]



    Do most people have a song when they are circling the groom? What song are you using? and What songs are you using for the ceremony.  I am walking down to Erev Shel Shonamim. Can't figure what the bridal party should walk down to, we were thinking can't help falling in love with you, But I would love a jewish song!
  • Jeni35Jeni35 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't know if people use a song for circling; but the one I found was an old Moroccan wedding song on YouTube...... the melody is sad and haunting and that is perfect for my circling. I think it will capture everyone's attention and to the fact that I've been practicing my circling! LOL! FI's late father was from Morocco and as I am Ashkenazic and Sephardic and FI is Sephardic- I found it important to mix traditions. 

    Rivkah, when are you getting married?
  • Jeni35Jeni35 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hey, this is on an entirely different note, but does anyone know any good parve bakeries in LA? I know the top three; but I read a pretty good mix of horror stories, so that is freaking me out a little!
  • rivkahstein1rivkahstein1 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_orthodox-jewish-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:3a953a60-64ca-4fa1-a4b6-4ebd77c653aePost:eacc30e4-0cf5-4a27-acc6-b98d1c53b950">Re: Orthodox Jewish Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know if people use a song for circling; but the one I found was an old Moroccan wedding song on YouTube...... the melody is sad and haunting and that is perfect for my circling. I think it will capture everyone's attention and to the fact that I've been practicing my circling! LOL! FI's late father was from Morocco and as I am Ashkenazic and Sephardic and FI is Sephardic- I found it important to mix traditions.  Rivkah, when are you getting married?
    Posted by Jeni35[/QUOTE]

    I am getting married this weekend!!!! May 1st! Do you know of any good songs for the bridal party and groom to walk down the isle to?
  • Jeni35Jeni35 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Mazel tov Rivkah! I went back to Youtube to find my song and it is listed under Jewish Sephardic Wedding from Morocco and is sung by Francoise Atlan and the cd can be purchased on Amazon. That is my circling song.

    Some posters have mentioned the music that they will be using for the processional.

    Ani L'Dodi Li (I am my beloved and my beloved is mine from Song of Songs). Why can't the groom walk down to this? There may be a reason but are you not each other's beloved?

    Eishet Chayil (Woman of Valour): This is a lovely song that you could walk down to. 

    Erev Shel Shoshanim (Hebrew love song)... either you or groom could walk down. 

    Many of these songs can be played as music only and not accompanied by voice (albeit I prefer the voice).

    We love music and to not have it in our ceremony would be unlike our ancestors...

    I am sure other posters have some additional ideas. Have you Googled Jewish wedding music? Have you checked out some Israeli music? There are sure to be some more modern love songs. 

    I am certain that you are excited and a bundle of nerves! Do you have a cantor performing music or will you use an Ipod and speakers? In the latter case, you would need to have your list set to perfectly time everything or have someone "man" the station. Perhaps, aside from a cantor, you have someone who is a good singer?   
  • rivkahstein1rivkahstein1 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Hi Jeni,

    So i think I finally figured out the song list for the ceremony 3 days before my wedding!! haa.. I will be walking down to Erev Shel Shoshanim , the bridal party will be walking down to al Koelah and my FI wants to walk down to can't help falling in love with you.  I will be circling to Ani L'Dodi Li! I think there are a nice assortment of songs, my Fi feels he wants an english song becaus we will have a number of non- jewish guests attending and he wants to play something they can understand. So thats about it, just waiting for the day to  finally arrive!

  • Jeni35Jeni35 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Rivkah, that is wonderful! I wondered about having all the Hebrew music; but in the shul it seems right and most of our guests are not Jewish either. We all wish you a wonderful wedding and an enjoyable honeymoon!

    P.S.- Did anyone know they could not have flowers on top of their chuppah or was this just me? So glad I asked about it...
  • rivkahstein1rivkahstein1 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We are having flowers on top of the chuppa, I don't think it is an issue.  We are getting married in a conservative temple, but I have been to a few orothodox wedding where they had flowers on top of the chuppa.  Where did you get the info from?
  • Jeni35Jeni35 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I called yesterday to let the office know that I had not yet received my updated proposal from the caterer and I mentioned having a florist and doing flowers. She said we could do flowers around the poles; but not on top. I was a little down about that; but what can we do? 
  • MyLevMyLev member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Mazal Tov on your upcoming wedding.  I got married this past February, but kosher wedding planning on a budget was challenging.  I learned a lot from my experience and I have a blog to help other Jewish brides plan their kosher wedding:  http://www.orthodoxjewishwedding.blogspot.com/

    I hope you find this useful.

    Sophie
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