Are you having Benchers at your wedding?

jennifermdv

We're having an interfaith wedding (I'm Catholic and my Fiance is Jewish.) We agreed that we would not do a formal benching (where the entire reception stops for prayers) but my Fiance would like to have Benchers available on a table for those who would like to pray after the meal. I have no problem with people praying if they would like to, but I don't want to put the Benchers out on a special  table.. it simply makes me uncomfortable. I thought maybe his parents could give them to the people they think would like them (they'll be about 5 very religous people at the wedding.) Does this sound like a reasonable compromise? How many of you are having Benchers at your wedding?

meredithrohter

We are having benchers but we are planning on benching after the meal.

Rachiemoo

We didn't have Benchers, but I've seen them at a lot of Jewish weddings. Usually they're put out on the actual table that people are sitting at.  If you want, you could just have them on the tables of the guests that are Jewish.  I don't think the non-Jews would mind having them on the tables either.  Often they're though of as "favors" and have the bride and groom's name and wedding date on the front. 

slbriz34

We are having about half our guests Jewish (but not many observant) and the remainder non-Jewish.  As Rachel said, they are usually on everyone's table, but you can, if you wish, just put it on those tables that will use them - though you may have folks wondering why they didn't get one and wanting to have another keepsake.  I feel that if you are going to do it, you just shouldn't put to aside on a table of its own - seems like you are hiding it away; you shouldn't feel uncomfortable.  And if folks ask you what they are, simply explain so that they know and will appreciate the effort you've taken. 

We are putting benchers at each table, but as your FI suggested, only those that want to bench will do so; we won't take any break or make any announcement to break up the dancing.  Most folks won't do it - his family isn't really observant at all, but we will do so to complete the wedding ritual and we have a few observant guests; for everyone else, just like the kippot, they are looking forward to just having some other Jewish wedding keepsake. 

Jeni35

We are both Jewish; but most of our guests are not (small wedding). I know this is standard at our shul though and when I spoke with my mum about it- she said to have the rabbi lead a brief prayer time. I also do not want to make anyone uncomfortable; but I am sure they would think it is rude if some people didn't receive a bencher (I agree it is like an extra wedding favor). Also, we are doing service and reception at the temple, so it is pretty traditional overall. 

leoraanna

We are doing an interfaith wedding and I'd say close to 75% of the guests are Jewish but we aren't going to be benching, hence, no benchers.

Musicheals71

I don't think I'm going to bother ordering them.

vlevitt

we ordered custom benschers for our wedding, and will put a few on each table.  we're not going to stop the evening to bensch, but will make an announcement at the end of the night that bensching will take place at a particular part of the hall for people who want to participate.  

funny, i've never thought of bensching as "praying."  it's closer to saying ha'motzi than praying, i think.  anway, regardless, i'd say if you've agreed to have benschers, you should put them on every table.  they'll be meaningful to the people who want to bensch and they'll get used by those people.  for the folks for whom they don't mean a thing, they'll be ignored or taken home as a quaint  jewish souvenier.  i wouldn't worry too  much about it.

meredithrohter

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_having-benchers-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:571d59ef-c101-45ec-ba19-5cd1f0f2790ePost:5ad821a9-5620-4c71-a599-46296fd8c693">Re: Are you having Benchers at your wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]we ordered custom benschers for our wedding, and will put a few on each table.  we're not going to stop the evening to bensch, but will make an announcement at the end of the night that bensching will take place at a particular part of the hall for people who want to participate.   funny, i've never thought of bensching as "praying."  it's closer to saying ha'motzi than praying, i think.  anway, regardless, i'd say if you've agreed to have benschers, you should put them on every table.  they'll be meaningful to the people who want to bensch and they'll get used by those people.  for the folks for whom they don't mean a thing, they'll be ignored or taken home as a quaint  jewish souvenier.  i wouldn't worry too  much about it.
Posted by vlevitt[/QUOTE]

I agree with whats previously been said- its a nice mememto for those who want it and those who don't want it don't care. When I attend Catholic weddings and they say grace before the meal, I just sit there quietly and wait. And benching isn't really prayer, its just a blessing over food.

lynniearudner

we are having an interfaith wedding (im jewish, Fi is not) and we are not doing any benchers. nor are we planning to bench after the meal. 

i would say about 2/3 of our guests are going to be jewish, but since FIs family is not jewish we thought we might just skip the entire thing. i might make them feel alienated.