Is he Jewish?

mlashley

My FH was not raised in a religious home, but both of his parents and his family all the way back is Jewish, but his parents decided not to pursue the religious aspects of that. He only has one living grandparent (she is very religious). So my questions is: is he still Jewish? And are we supposed to follow his Jewish heritage's traditions for our wedding?

Shoshie

Yes, he is still Jewish -- even if he is non-practicing.
Are you Jewish or is this an interfaith wedding? Are you getting married by a rabbi?
Not to pry, it just helps us get an idea of your situation better.

alinaandjared

no one HAS to have a Jewish wedding, just like no one HAS TO have a wedding with Mass in a church.No one is going to chase after him to beat him with a stick. If religion does not mean anything to him/his family, then do whatever makes you and your DH happy. Obviously you mention his religious grandmother, is it important to you/DH to make her happy?

2dBride

He is still Jewish, unless his mother or he converted to some other religion.  However, this does not obligate him to have a Jewish ceremony.  Indeed, if you are not also Jewish, arranging a Jewish ceremony could be complicated.

mlashley

Is it possible to pay homage to his Jewish heritage without having a full blown Jewish ceremony? Such as incorporating certain aspects? And if so which once should we include?

mlashley

Oh, and to answer your questions: I am not Jewish, and neither of us have converted to any other religion. Though we have discussed studying the religious aspect of the Jewish faith see if that is a commitment we would like to make. We are both very spiritual people, but with very little formal religious training.
Also if we do have a religious wedding does that mean we are hypocrites if we do not choose to live a Jewish life (Keeping Kosher, Shabbat, etc)?

Rachiemoo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_jewish?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:95b10489-bb28-45b3-a928-8250a0a9e799Post:6b2b4a50-abee-4e6c-aef4-4cbd57ef0233">Re: Is he Jewish?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, and to answer your questions: I am not Jewish, and neither of us have converted to any other religion. Though we have discussed studying the religious aspect of the Jewish faith see if that is a commitment we would like to make. We are both very spiritual people, but with very little formal religious training. Also if we do have a religious wedding does that mean we are hypocrites if we do not choose to live a Jewish life (Keeping Kosher, Shabbat, etc)?
Posted by mlashley[/QUOTE]

Well, in traditional Judaism, a Jew can not marry someone who isn't also Jewish, so it would not really make sense for you and your fiance to have a Jewish wedding imo.  If you chose to convert then that would be one thing, but if you are not Jewish then I don't see the point of having a Jewish wedding.  If you both want to honor your husband's Jewish heritage, it may be best to not focus on any religious aspects but instead to incorporate a few cultural Jewish customs into the ceremony, like breaking the glass.

tenofcups4me

I would say he's Jewish if he considers himself Jewish, which isn't entirely clear from your post. Does he want a Jewish wedding? Does his family? Do you? It's not really clear to me who wants one.

You certainly don't need to have one. As others have suggested, if you both want, you could incorporate elements of a Jewish ceremony without having a full-blown Jewish ceremony. My first wedding was interfaith (me a non-practicing Jew and my ex- a very lightly practicing Catholic). We had Jewish cultural elements such as a chuppah and breaking the glass, though no rabbi and no religion of any kind in the ceremony.

mlashley

tenofcups4me, we are still early in the planning stages, but we both want to incorporate at least parts of it, but we don't want to be hypocrites. As we do have Jewish friends (and family) that will be in attendance we don't want to offend anyone.

tenofcups4me

Thanks for the clarification Mlashley. I wasn't sure if incorporating elements was something the two of you wanted to do or if you were feeling pressure from other people.

I'm sure different people have different takes on this, but here's mine. To me, it would have felt hypocritcal to have a wedding with a rabbi since I don't practice Judaism. But I'm very much Jewish from a cultural standpoint and the cultural elements were important to me. So I had a wedding that did not incorporate the religion per se, but did incorporate the culutral aspects that I associate with a Jewish wedding.

Some examples: we both walked down the aisle with both of our parents, we had a chuppah, both sets of parents stood under the chuppah with us, we broke the glass at the end. We had non-denominational officiants and no religion in the ceremony itself.

At the reception, we did not do any prayers, but did do a hora and later crowned the mothers (done when the last child gets married).

I personally don't see how any of that could be offensive to anyone -- I felt that we were honoring my history and culture in a way that felt true to me. I'm sure others will chime in here though if they would find that offensive. I've also attended many weddings where the participants were either interfaith  or non-practicing Jew with many of those same elements and no other real religion. In those cases, the officiant was usually a judge or other non-religious officiant.

samara267

Hi! My fiance is not jewish, but we are having a jewish wedding ceremony. The rabbi is having him sign an agreement stating that he agrees to be a ger toshav. Here's an article written by a rabbi that explains what that means.

http://www.clal.org/ss43.html

Good luck!

reddie36

I am Agnostic and my FI is Jewish - reform non-practicing - as is most of his family (except a couple who are Jews for Jesus).  We are incorporating the traditions we both relate to and are meaningful to us like the ketubah, chuppah, kiddush & sheva brachot, breaking of the glass, yichud, and hora (of course!) at the reception. We are not bring married by a Rabbi. 

That said - I feel like if your FI has no strong feelings or does not want to incorporate anything from the religion into the wedding you don't have to and at the same time if you like some things and don't identify with others then incorporate what you would like.

goldgold

My brother married someone who wasn't Jewish. Though they had a very small (8 person) wedding, they incorporated a couple Jewish things. He smashed a glass and in their vows they said in english "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine".

If a Rabbi will marry you, why not? If that's what you want then try to find someone (since it may be harder because you're not Jewish). I have no personal quams with what someones does/does not do as a Jew in their life/home.

2dBride

If you are not Jewish, and do not convert before the ceremony, any rabbi willing to marry you is going to be Reform. (And even most Reform rabbis do not perform interfaith marriages.)  As such, s/he is not likely to care whether you keep kosher, keep Shabbat, etc.

If you want to go that route, you might try Googling "interfaith rabbi" and the area where you want to get married.  Or just check with your local Reform rabbi to find out whether he or she performs interfaith weddings.

Alternatively, you might try incorporating whatever Jewish elements you want into whatever ceremony you have.  Even under Jewish law, a rabbi is not necessary to a Jewish wedding.  You just need someone who knows the traditions enough to do it.  That could be a cantor, a JOP, a friend ordained online (in many jurisdictions), etc.