Jewish... and clueless

carleton2004

My FI was raised Conservadox in the deep South. Although his local Jewish community was small, it was dedicated and he grew up very active in Hebrew school and his congregation. After leaving for college, his attendance at services became a little more sporadic and few of his friends were/are Jewish.

I'm not yet Jewish and am in the (frustrating and rewarding) process of conversion with a wonderful Conservative shul and two rabbis. We're planning a Jewish wedding and, while I've had to let go of a few expectations (read: not being seen by the groom 'til I walk down the aisle), I'm finding the Jewish wedding traditions very meaningful.

Ah, but there is always a catch!

Somehow, at 28 and 31, neither of us has been to a Jewish wedding! I've been to an interfaith ceremony, but it was 15yrs ago and there was also a priest. :-) We don't know very many 'marrying age' Jews with weddings to crash between now and April. Additionally, most of our guests will be non-Jews... so heaven help us for the hora! Yet a Jewish celebration and ritual is very, very important to both of us.

On the other hand, I've had trouble getting FI to recognize some of the traditions are actively followed by Conservatives. (Example: he thought it would work to get married in May!) 

Bottom line: can you share any resources we can work with as we develop our understanding of a modern Conservative Jewish ceremony? I'm halfway through 'The Modern Jewish Wedding,' but it feels much more geared toward the Reform tradition. I'd just like to have a few things to point my FI toward as he attends his first Jewish wedding -- which just happens to be HIS wedding! :-)

Thank you in advance.

october010bride

Hi and welcome! And mazal tov on your conversion!

I am conservative and my H is reform. We had a traditional/conservative ceremony in his reform temple... done by his reform rabbi, who was previously a conservative rabbi, lol weird I know.

Anyways, I found the rabbi to be the best source of confusion/answering questions/ reassurance. He was so calm and helpful, it made everything a whole lot easier.

I found aish's wedding overview helpful and as well chabad's. And eventhough they aren't specifically "conservative" as long as its traditional it should fit the bill.

http://www.aish.com/jl/l/m/48969841.html

http://www.chabad.org/generic_cdo/aid/448431/jewish/The-Jewish-Wedding.htm

MrsMLRB

Hi and welcome to the tribe!

I am reform and FI is conservative. I have found the everything Jewish Wedding Book very helpful. Here is a link from Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Everything-Jewish-Wedding-Book-chuppah/dp/1598695487/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1294277587&sr=8-1 (I don't have this version, I have the older version which is a bit outdated but my librarian found it for me in the for sale books for a dollar). I feel like it does a great job of explaining everything that is in the Jewish ceremony and the traditions behind it.

I have also found the rabbi to be really helpful.

mickeypotter

Our rabbi suggested we read http://www.amazon.com/New-Jewish-Wedding-Revised/dp/0743202554/ref=pd_sim_b_1

It was a great, short book.

The crux of it was to make the wedding what YOU want it to be.

amgrossman

I second "The New Jewish Wedding". My Rabbi (conservative) said it was required reading for us before our wedding!

I also recommend a book i recently saw in B&N... "The Creative Jewish Wedding"

http://www.amazon.com/Creative-Jewish-Wedding-Book-Hands-/dp/1580233988/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1294356869&sr=8-3

It looked really cool but I didn't feel like spending the money on another wedding book right then. 

colourz

I made some notes for myself that I'd like to share with you. They may be a little different in other areas. Mine is conservative too.
1. Couple goes into room with Rabbi and close family. The couple and witnesses sign the ketubah.
2. The Bedeken - groom lifts veil to check whether or not you are who you are supposed to be.
3. Processional - the Rabbi walks out first, followed by the grandparents, the groomsmen, the groom and both of his parents,the bridesmaids, the flower girl and ring bearer, and the bride and her parents.   
    .    The grooms parents walk groom halfway,  the bride's parents walks halfway, bride comes down and joins parents, the groom escorts the bride into the chuppah and the ceremony starts. In all cases, men walk/stand on the left side, women to the right. Parents stand under the chuppah on the side of their child. Then siblings. Bride on right, groom's side on left. Attendants  flare out from the front poles on either side.
        Under the chuppah you will need a small, sturdy table to hold the wine, kiddush cups, decanter/wine, glasses to smash, and the ketubah.        
4. The bride and both mothers circle the groom seven times
5. There are two wine blessings.
6. Exchange rings,  then read the ketubah    
7. Breaking the glass (prepare by wrapping the glasses in  cloth napkins and tape them securely shut. Light bulbs are also OK to use. They make more noise.
8. Recessional order is: the bride and groom, parents (bride's then groom's), wedding party in reverse order, rabbi.
9. Yichud Being Alone Together After the Ceremony for a bit. Both have a snack.
10.  Introduction of couple.
11. The Hora. The bride and groom are hoisted up on chairs holding a napkin.
12. Blessing over bread.
13. Birkat haMazon -- the blessing after food, then seven wedding blessings.
14. Krenzl Dance.(Mesinka) If either of you is the last one in your family to be married your parents merit a krenzl (crownlet) dance! The bride and groom put floral wreaths on parents heads and seat them in the middle of the room and lead everyone in a dance around them.

carleton2004

Thank you, everyone, for all your input. I appreciate it!

pissedbride

Nu?  You're becoming a Jewish wife.  Use guilt 101!  "Here I am converting for you, and you won't even..."

Well, maybe not.  But "I need your help here... I'm converting and trying to understand and embrace your culture ...."  Just remember, when one partner "wins", the couple loses.

As for Bedeken, vs the dress being a surprise, my idea is to get a white cape to wear over the dress, so the dress is a surprise...  (be a great excuse for a second dress eh?). 

Just my two zuzim (oh that's Pesach lol)