timing the ceremony and sundown

JoBell123

Hi all, this is my first post here.  I'm from NJ and got engaged just over 2 weeks ago.  We've started the planning already and found a place we love that's only available on Oct 29th.  Sundown that night is 5:56.  I know that some reform rabbis will start ceremonies close to sundown (meaning they'll travel before shabbat is over), but a few guests including my aunt and uncle won't travel until shabbat is over.

If the hotel is literally a 2 min shuttle ride or 5 or so min walk from the wedding location, what time would you suggest starting the ceremony?  Would 6:15 be ok, or to give them more time to get dressed, etc, push it to 6:30?  I don't want the rest of the wedding to feel rushed, but I do want to try to accomodate those who are observant.

Suggestions?

Frozenpenguin

I think it is best to ask the ones you are trying to accommodate. But I suggest finding a Rabbi before booking a date/location/time. I made the mistake of booking first and looking second. We would have loved to have our congregation rabbi do the service but he does not do any ceremonies on Saturday regardless of the time.

Good luck and Mazel Tov on your engagement!

MrsMLRB

7 PM. I went to a Saturday night wedding that started at 7 PM and the ceremony was not rushed and everyone had a great time. We went right from the ceremony to cocktails (the cocktail hour was less than an hour) and then on to dinner. It'll be lovely.

I agree with Penguin to ask both the guests and the rabbi ahead of time before booking a venue.

caraellen23

I agree with PP.  But if this helps, I got married on Saturday 10/2 and our Rabbi would not leave home until after 7pm.  We did the ketubah signing as soon as he arrived (about 7:15ish) and walked around 7:30pm.  I believe we called the wedding for 7pm on the invite.

7:30-8:00pm - ceremony
8:00 - 9:00pm - cocktails
9:00pm - 1:00am - reception with dinner (courses mixed with dancing)

Everyone had a great time and no one minded it being later. 

JoBell123

Thanks everyone!  I'm asking my aunt how she feels.  We do also need to find a rabbi, but neither of us have ones that we have a connection with, so maybe we'll ask around now before we sign the contract for the restaurant.

As long as the rabbi is ok with it, we may call it for 6:15 and have the ceremony start between 6:30 and 6:45.

caraellen23

Good luck finding a Rabbi! You'll have a much better sense after you talk to them.

Just a suggestion, if you are hoping to start the ceremony around 6:30-6:45, I would call the wedding for 6pm on your invitation.  Its best to state the time on the :00 or :30 and 15 minutes isn't enough time for stragglers if you do start on time.  Most people know weddings start late and you can always spread the word about the real start time to those you think would show up super early (we did this).  Just my two cents.

tenofcups4me

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_timing-ceremony-sundown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:b82aac3a-785a-4564-ae23-883b3fb97ed9Post:9e1fc25a-6583-4954-a68a-693cb950930e">Re: timing the ceremony and sundown</a>:
[QUOTE]Just a suggestion, if you are hoping to start the ceremony around 6:30-6:45, I would call the wedding for 6pm on your invitation.  Its best to state the time on the :00 or :30 and 15 minutes isn't enough time for stragglers if you do start on time.  Most people know weddings start late and you can always spread the word about the real start time to those you think would show up super early (we did this).  Just my two cents.
Posted by caraellen23[/QUOTE]

Sorry, but I strongly disagree! I expect a wedding to start at the time stated on the invitation. If it's going to start at 6:30, I would put 6:30 on the invitation. Because if you put 6, I'll be there by 5:45 -- and pretty freaking pissed by 6:45 that I've wasted an hour of my time standing around waiting for you to start.

caraellen23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_timing-ceremony-sundown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:b82aac3a-785a-4564-ae23-883b3fb97ed9Post:027aed1e-7570-4e83-ab28-2722a4a23e15">Re: timing the ceremony and sundown</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: timing the ceremony and sundown : Sorry, but I strongly disagree! I expect a wedding to start at the time stated on the invitation. If it's going to start at 6:30, I would put 6:30 on the invitation. Because if you put 6, I'll be there by 5:45 -- and pretty freaking pissed by 6:45 that I've wasted an hour of my time standing around waiting for you to start.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

Re-reading the OP's post, I agree 6:30 would be a better time to state on the invite  I was thinking about my own wedding invitation time and actual start time, but I had extenuating circumstances based on a last-minute officiant change.   My mistake.   But I still stick to the thinking that invitations should state a time on the :00 or :30, not the quarter hour.

LBRM_NJ

I have never been to a jewish wedding that didn't have the time on the invitation as 30 minutes before the actual wedding start time, but, in each of these cases, they served champagne and coffee and pastries or something like that while you waited.  This is VERY standard practice in the metro NYC area (not sure where in NJ you are). 

tenofcups4me

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_timing-ceremony-sundown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:b82aac3a-785a-4564-ae23-883b3fb97ed9Post:740fdf71-43c2-4b83-85d2-7dd9aaddac9e">Re: timing the ceremony and sundown</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never been to a jewish wedding that didn't have the time on the invitation as 30 minutes before the actual wedding start time, but, in each of these cases, they served champagne and coffee and pastries or something like that while you waited.  This is VERY standard practice in the metro NYC area (not sure where in NJ you are). 
Posted by LBRM_NJ[/QUOTE]

I've never seen that (not even in NY though I've only been to a few NY weddings). I have on occasion seen a full cocktail hour come before the ceremony, but that was clearly indicated on the invitation.

JoBell123

The place we liked the best so far does serve champagne, bellinis, water, etc  prior to the ceremony.  Not to get people drunk, but they have the guests gather in a smaller room and when we're just about ready to start the ceremony they lead everyone into that room so they're not all sitting there bored for however long they're there.

caraellen23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_timing-ceremony-sundown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:b82aac3a-785a-4564-ae23-883b3fb97ed9Post:740fdf71-43c2-4b83-85d2-7dd9aaddac9e">Re: timing the ceremony and sundown</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never been to a jewish wedding that didn't have the time on the invitation as 30 minutes before the actual wedding start time, but, in each of these cases, they served champagne and coffee and pastries or something like that while you waited.  This is VERY standard practice in the metro NYC area (not sure where in NJ you are). 
Posted by LBRM_NJ[/QUOTE]

Not to butt my face back into this thread, but I do agree and think this might just be a regional difference.

shortee426

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_timing-ceremony-sundown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:b82aac3a-785a-4564-ae23-883b3fb97ed9Post:740fdf71-43c2-4b83-85d2-7dd9aaddac9e">Re: timing the ceremony and sundown</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never been to a jewish wedding that didn't have the time on the invitation as 30 minutes before the actual wedding start time, but, in each of these cases, they served champagne and coffee and pastries or something like that while you waited.  This is VERY standard practice in the metro NYC area (not sure where in NJ you are). 
Posted by LBRM_NJ[/QUOTE]

<div>We are having our cocktail hour BEFORE our ceremony.  My parents want to put the cocktail hour start time on the invite.  I want to put the ceremony start time, realizing that people will show up early.  I suggested we compromise and put 1/2 hour before the ceremony (1/2 hour into cocktail hour).  Still waiting to hear if they like that idea.  They didn't like like my idea of:</div><div>Cocktails at 430</div><div>Chuppah at 530</div>

tenofcups4me

Shortee, how about putting the cocktail hour start time on the invitation and then an insert that highlights what happens when? Kind of a compromise between the two ideas. (That's what I did when DH and I got married.)

shortee426

Tenofcups, That's not a bad idea.  I'll suggest it to my parents.  Thanks.

Christie Pietsch

Back to your original statement...Havdalah times are easy to look up for the whole year as it looks like you were able to find. It gives you an indication for when your observant guests/family may begin preparing ie; bathing,grooming and getting dressed to come to your wedding. Not just when they can walk out of the door to attend the wedding