Interviewing Rabbis

boston88

We are going to be speaking with a few different rabbis to figure out who we would like to officiate for our ceremony.  What kinds of questions should we be asking them?  They will be from all different denominations (Reconstructionist, Reform, and Conservative.)  I know I want to ask questions about having an egalitarian ceremony, but other than that, I'm not sure what to ask to figure out who is the best fit.

Thanks for your help!

MrsMLRB

Will they perform a double ring ceremony (where you both receive rings during the ceremony instead of just you)?

What kind of ketubah will they accept (many will only accept ketubahs from their movement)? Is there anything that must specifically be in the ketubah (or not in the ketubah)?

If you are having your wedding on a Saturday, what is the earliest time they will perform the ceremony (many rabbis- even reform- will not perform ceremonies until Shabbat ends)?

Sorry I am not much help but we are using my childhood rabbi so we didn't really have any questions to ask him.

silversparks

Some rabbis will have standards regarding whether or not the reception is kosher (and what the standard for kosher is).
I'm assuming that since you are talking to a Conservative rabbi your FI is Jewish, but it's worth asking all of them if they have requirements for who is allowed to participate in your wedding and how... possibly both in terms of gender and religious background... are there places where they will and won't let others participate...
As a general principle, I think I see the greatest number of problem posts on this board regarding rabbis when there was some miscommunication about religious standards and/or someone has a family rabbi they "needed" to use to keep someone else happy. Before meeting with the rabbis figure out with your FI what YOUR SHARED religious requirements are and if you can think of any religious deal breakers that would immediately make you say no to a rabbi. Also, make sure that you get a very clear understanding on what the fee includes (can you call with quesions anytime before the wedding? how often will you be meeting? will you be the onlly wedding that day? are you expected to pay travel costs?)
GL!

tenofcups4me

Besides the specific religious issues, I'd make sure to ask some general officiant questons:

- Do they have a boilerplate ceremony or is it customized? If it is customized, in what ways?

- How many meetings, if any, will you have before the actual ceremony?

- How much input will you/can you have into the actual ceremony?

- How long is their typical ceremony?

- Are there any kind of couseling or pre-marriage sessions you'll need to attend?

- Are there any elements the rabbi feels must be incorporated into a wedding? Any he or she will not incorporate into a wedding?

- If you want ketubah signers who are either not Jewish or not male, is that ok?

- Cost, of course.

And then, of course, just the general feel you get when talking to him or her. Some will be a good fit; others not so much.

sakana1840

our rabbi just asked us questions! just let them tell you how they want to do the ceremony and ask if you can modify it in any way!

boston88

Thank you everyone!