Is there such a thing as a small Jewish wedding??

LHealey28

Hello,

I converted to Judaism and I am hoping to get engaged soon.  While I am excited by that prospect, I am feeling a little anxious about wedding planning, costs, and heightened drama due to having non-Jewish relatives.

Based on weddings I've been to, seen pictures of, and heard about, it seems like the expectation for most Jewish weddings is to invite over 100 people.  I'm not sure that this is something I would want, plus I am concerned about cost especially considering that my parents may be less willing to help pay for things that they don't understand or see as necessary (like the extra expense of kosher catering, kippot, benchers).

Any tips from anyone who managed to keep it small, kosher, and sane?

Thanks!!

Rachiemoo

of course you can have a small jewish wedding!

jewish weddings need not be over the top.

my SIL had a smaller/simple jewish wedding.

they had a sunday brunch and served vegetarian and fish (think quiche, salmon, etc).

they had the ceremony and reception both at my IL's synagogue.

it was absolutely lovely!

ibelongtochris

If you live on the east coast, its possible to find an all-inclusive banquet hall with kosher options, thats what my brother did up in NJ.

As for the mixed relatives.  My fiance converted and his family will be present at the wedding.  I've decided to include in the program the traditions that will be taking place during the ceremony so that no one feels lost of left out.

It might be a good idea to sit down and talk with your parents about what the traditions are and what they mean.  A lot of the ceremonial traditions come from the Torah (ya' know, they call it the old testament) So maybe they will be able to see the long history of the traditions and not see them as so different from a Christian service.

Also, benchers don't have to be expensive, you can do them with inexpensive material, or even better, borrow them from your shul!

sakana1840

it's possible if you have a small synagogue, a caterer who will do a small group of people

i'm having less than 20 people at my wedding, so that's tiny!

of course, i guess if i had a bigger family, but i don't, so, oh well!

2dBride

We had a dozen people at our ceremony (details in bio), so it is possible.

One thing to think about is that it is actually traditional to have the chuppah outdoors, so that it is the only thing between you and the sky.  So you might want to consider a local park for that.

We also used the private dining room of a restaurant for our reception.   Ours was not a kosher reception, but the same thing could be done at a kosher restaurant.   If you're not doing the whole DJ and dancing thing, that could be an option to consider.

As for kippot, my experience at both of my weddings was that they were relatively routine for Jewish guests.  However, the ones who really appreciated them were the nonJewish guests.  It was like, "I get to keep this?  Really?"

Also, as others have suggested, a program setting forth the meaning of the various Jewish traditions can be helpful for nonJewish guests.  Here is a link to the language we used.

amgrossman

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_there-such-thing-small-jewish-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:c1dc464f-a671-42b6-bf16-c29b655edd14Post:a7cc75ce-9d74-4a25-bb8b-c9860913e3be">Re: Is there such a thing as a small Jewish wedding??</a>:
[QUOTE]  Here is a link to the language we used .
Posted by 2dBride[/QUOTE]

<div>I was reading your program and at the end saw "Temple Shir Tikvah" under reception. I thought to myself "so funny, so many temple's always have the same name, must be one in DC" then after reading your bio you were married in Winchester! I don't belong to ST Winchester but have been there a few times!</div>

2dBride

Yes, amgrossman, it was the one in Winchester.  At the time, DC didn't have same-sex marriage, so we had to travel.  I loved the place, though!

carolyn.moreno

I am engaged and in the process of converting and we are having a "smaller" Jewish wedding with total guests under 75 people. For my family, who is not Jewish, we are going to have a detailed program to explain the traditions that will occur during the ceromony. We are having our reception at our favorite restaurant, but we are not kosher, so our wedding menu is not kosher either. Our parents are splitting the cost of the wedding, but in order to ensure as much peace as possible, my parents are paying for the non-religious aspects of the wedding - flowers, music, photographer and half the food and drinks, while his are paying for the kippot, chuppah, ketubah, party rentals and half the food and drinks.