questions to ask a rabbi

sakana1840

Hey all,

My name is Sara, I'm new to the boards....I have a question if you know the answer that would be great

I'm meeting with my potential rabbi on Sunday and I'm wondering what questions to ask him about ceremony, reception, etc

lemme know what you think

slbriz34

Lots depends on the type of rabbi you are meeting with.  The closer to Orthodox, then the more questions.

You should discuss, naturally, the actual ceremony itself - what will be said, ordering of events, single or double-ring ceremony, etc - and also get a feel of what the entire wedding timeframe will be.  Also (and he/she may ask you), what do you want to do?  Are you having a tish, b'deken, etc., and if so, you'll have to discuss the logistics.  You may need witnesses and they'll have to be observant, have you chosen them yet?  Etc.

Ask questions regarding your attire - will you need a jacket or other coverage?  You'll probably need a veil, unless your wedding is much less formal or on the more Reform side.  Can you have music (if you want)?  Aufruf for FI, etc.

I assume you've chosen a date, though the rabbi will confirm if it's good - also discuss time of day and any restrictions that may come up.

As for the reception, if it's not at the same place, take that into consideration when figuring out timeline.  Will the food need to be kosher? 

If your rabbi has done wedding before, he/she will know what to ask of you and ask you talk, you'll find areas to inquire.  GL.

RedZee

slbriz covered a lot. The only thing I'd add, and this depends on what branch of Judaism of course, is that you should ask about taking bride/groom classes (aka mikvah classes). Most Orthodox (and I'm assuming at least some Conservative?) require that you take one. Some are really picky about who you take it with. If you don't know where to go to take it, they can give you a name (or teach themselves).

Mazal tov and good luck and welcome to the board! (Even though I pop in and out myself.)

silversparks

Also ask about the Ketubah - some rabbis have very specific requirements regarding the text and who can sign as witnesses.

From what I've seen on the boards, the areas where people tend to have rabbi issues are: egalitarian questions (can men and women participate equally in all aspects of the wedding - rings, witnesses, blessings, etc?); inter-faith questions (again, this focuses on who can do what); does the rabbi require a particular ketubah text? does the rabbi require the reception to be kosher (and what are the rabbi's standards?);

silversparks

Oh wait, one more thing that comes up often - payment. Make sure you have a CLEAR understanding of how much the rabbi charges and how many times he or she expects to meet with you, and general availability for answering questions that come up.

2dBride

I can't add much to the list of questions.  However, I can say that this will likely be much easier than you think.  Rabbis learn what couples need to know, and will tend to guide you through the conversation.  To the extent you want to depart from Jewish tradition, you'll want to check to make sure this does not present a problem for the rabbi.  But mostly you can count on him to bring up things that could be an issue or that you will need to think about.

Jeni35

This is an addition to questions to the rabbi; but questions for the shul (if you plan on having your ceremony there). My shul has a wedding coordinator and I had no idea that I was supposed to contact her and reserve the chapel (we have three areas for services in our shul). I thought that I had already done so when I reserved with rabbi.

Ask about the need to have ketubah approved (I was told that I needed to order this now and our wedding is in October).

Ask about ketubah witnesses because in my understanding friends can sign and not close family; but your witnesses and attendants should be Jewish).

Ask about invitations: Is it norm to do Hebrew and English? 

Ask about formality if having service in shul. Ours is Conservative which means that shoulders should be covered and dress should be appropriate. 

Hope all has gone well. Chag Sameach!