confused and converting.

completeanduncut

So I am converting to Judiasm. My FI was raised Orthodox, but currently practices Conservative. I plan on converting Conservative, but have been attending a Reformed temple. I don't really know what traditions I should have at the wedding. My FI has not been to a wedding since he was a kid so he doesn't know what he wants either. We also have problems with finding a Rabbi for our wedding because we attend both a conservative shul and a reformed temple. Our orthodox Rabbi will not officiate our wedding which I understand, but my FI is a little dissapointed about having a reformed rabbi. I won't be converted by then because it takes a year to convert including about 6 months of classes. We are getting married this november and I don't really know what to do. Plus, we are getting married in a central location that is an even 3 hours away from all of the major cities in TX. Our reformed Rabbi would have to drive 3 hours to officiate the wedding. Is it appropriate to ask him to do this or should we try and find another rabbi who is closer?

october010bride

First off, mazel tov on your upcoming conversion!!

Secondly, I recommend picking up Anita Diamant's New Jewish Wedding. It's an excellent book with tons of resources for Jewish weddings and overall nice explanations as to why we do the things we do.

As for your rabbi situation, I'm sorry it's been such a task finding one. I'd ask the rabbi you have a relationship with and see if they would be willing to travel for your ceremony. It's not uncommong for officiants to travel for weddings, you never know what they might say. If they are unable to travel then I would start looking for rabbi's in the area of your wedding.

hope this helps!

ciaraman

Mazel tov! I converted (conservative) in January, so feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat or need advice or anything.  Although it sounds like you've got that under control.

I'm sorry about your rabbi situation - but I couldn't give you better advice than october010bride did.  Once you get a rabbi, I'm sure they'll be willing to talk with you about traditions in the ceremony.  My FI and I are doing a fully Jewish (double ring) ceremony - chuppah, both parents walking down the aisle, I'll circle him 7 times, 7 blessings, breaking glass, etc.  Incorporate whatever traditions have meaning to you and are comfortable with you. 

Another great book is, also by Anita Diamant, Choosing a Jewish Life.  I read that, along with The New Jewish Wedding, when I converted. 

jessicabessica

I third the recommendation for The New Jewish Wedding.  And I also agree with october 010bride about checking with your rabbi.  You will have to pay travel costs, most likely, but I wouldn't be surprise if the Reform rabbi wasn't willing to travel if s/he was available on your date.  If s/he can't officiate, start looking for other officiants that you both feel comfortable with.  And don't forget to consider cantors--they are clergy members so they're qualified in the State's mind, and they can make a really beautiful ceremony, musically.  

ETA: Mazal tov!

Bonzo2011

Mazel Tov!

I'm going to add in another recommendation for Anita Diamant's books. She does a really thorough job explaining the customs, and the variations between Orthodox, Conservative and Reform takes on each. (ie, typically no double ring ceremony in Orthodox, while it is common in Reform, and can go either way Conservative, depending on the officiant and couple). I haven't read Choosing a Jewish Life myself, but I know my mom found it helpful when she was contemplating conversion.

As PP said, rabbis will typically travel if you have a relationship with them, especially if you foot the travel expenses. Good luck, and again mazel tov!

sakana1840

mazel tov! your rabbi should have enough info for you!

ps. like a PP said, "the new jewish wedding" is a great book!

you don't have to be as traditional as you think, make your own traditions and it will be fabulous!

Sekhmet2386

My FI was going ot convert but the Rabbi we had backed out last minute, my wedding is in 4.5 months and I was so nervous. Honestly I found a Rabbi who would do it, yes she is a reform/rent-a-rabbi. At first my parents were against this and I really wanted my Rabbi from childhood to officiate but honestly, after I took a step back, I am happy to be having a jewish ceremony in the first place with my FI and keeping traditions etc. that in the end I dont care who does it. I did however, have to pay her extra for her drive bc it is 2hours from where she lives and she charged an extra $200 to drive the distance.  THe key thing is, is to put things in perspective and I got sick and that put that one in there for me, that at least I can still have my jewish ceremony etc. and my family realized this too and although they are not happy they also feel that there are more important things to worry about and be stressed over. Find one who is willing to talk to you and explain everything and makes you feel comfortable and it doesnt matter what sect they represent.

Hope this helps