Jewish Weddings

Unexpected Date Conflict

We booked out synagogue for our wedding in January 2011.  I'm not entirely sure when my FMIL let them know that we planned on having our auf ruf the day before, but that was decided on a while ago.  Yesterday, we had a meeting with our Rabbi to discuss our wedding.  The calendar for the next fiscal year was just printed and distributed to the bosses at the shul.  Well, the Sisterhood Shabbat is the same day as our auf ruf.  If we weren't so active in the shul, it wouldn't be a big deal.  We just go up, get blessed, read the blessing for the Torah, and sit back down.  That wasn't exactly our plan.  We wanted specific people to do p'zukei, most if not all of the Torah readings, and  Haftorah.  This includes me, my fiance, his mother, his aunt and or uncle, and other close family friends.  
This won't happen if we have to share the date with the Sisterhood, since they do all the readings on their Shabbat.  
We talked to the Executive Director, who said he'd bring it up at the meeting last night, but we haven't heard anything back.  We're assuming they won't change their date.  This means we're likely going to change the date of our auf ruf to the week before.  Is that odd, having the auf ruf eight days before the wedding, instead of the Shabbat directly preceding it?  
I'm not looking forward to the logistics of having two weekends in a row with important events.  Some people will need to be put up (they're shomer), a lot of out of town guests won't be able to come, who knows which weekend the catered Shabbos dinner will be.  Ugh.  Sudden stress is bad.
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Re: Unexpected Date Conflict

  • We had our auf ruf well in advance of our wedding.  We got married in Maine, 6.5 hours from where I grew up.  My parents wanted to have an auf ruf at their shul, so had one the Shabbat before Pesach, since we were already traveling down for Pesach.  My aunt also threw my shower while we were there (it was a busy long weekend!).

    If I were you, I would just plan the auf ruf as you had it.  There's nothing wrong with having it in advance, IMO, but if the logistics just work out better to have it your wedding weekend, I would do that, especially if your guests would likely come in before Shabbat anyway right before your wedding, so you'd want to do something for them anyway.  I understand wanting to be the main event (we were at ours), but I think you should be able to see if Sisterhood can share some of the readings, etc. if you end up keeping the date.
  • You could do it either way.

    Were there any out of town guests who wanted to attend? We wanted to have our auf ruf the weekend before our wedding so H could have his bachelor party the same weekend as the wedding without being hung over at the auf ruf but a lot of his family wanted to attend the auf ruf so we did it the weekend of.

    If it was me, I would find other honors for the people and keep the auf ruf the same weekend. We shared our auf ruf with a prima donna bat mizvah girl (she didn't want to share with us because she wanted to be the "star" in her inappropriate dress and 4 lines of Torah) and it all worked out fine.
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  • Update:  Amazingly enough, the Sisterhood caved and changed their date.  I'm both shocked and incredibly grateful.  It's just so much easier to have it all in one weekend.  We're having a Shabbos dinner Friday night, I think there's an informal dinner Saturday night, but my FI and I aren't attending that.  Thanks for all the advice.  I'm honestly glad I didn't end up needing it.
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