Which are you doing?

LadyEmma

Hi Ladies,
My FI and I are getting married in October in NJ and I have a question regarding the ceremony.
I am Jewish and he is not, although he will be converting at some point after the wedding. We have decided to do a Jewish wedding with the Chuppah and all, but I'm not sure if I will have a role in the vows or if he'll just do the transliterated blessings and whatnot. Which are you doing?

I'm asking this question because I just watched Say Yes to the Dress and they showed a Jewish wedding with both bride and groom reciting vows.

Please give me a clue as to what's "right". Thank you!

LBRM_NJ

There are no vows in a traditional jewish wedding.  That said, I'm sure reform rabbis and maybe even some conservative allow the bride and groom to add vows, but, traditionally, they are not part of a jewish wedding ceremony.

LBRM_NJ

Oh, and I just finished watching that episode.  They didn't say vows.  Again, in a traditional ceremony, only the groom puts a ring on the bride's finger and he says what you heard the groom say (usually in hebrew, but, possibly translated in english).  Many rabbis will allow a double ring ceremony, but, often the woman won't say the same thing the man says and will, instead, say Ani L'dodi V'dodi Li, which is what you heard the bride say, only in english (I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine).

LadyEmma

Thanks ladies

caraellen23

We are planning a double ring ceremony, but we will also add in some "promises" that will sort of act like vows.  I read about it in the New Jewish Wedding book.  They will be sort, one or two sentences.  But we think its a nice way to personalize the ceremony for us.

slbriz34

Our rabbi is allowing me to say something and give FI a ring, though it won't happen until after the ketubah is read; I am going to pick out a few phrases in the bible and see what the rabbi allows.  For me, too many folks say the usual "I am my beloved's ..." that I wanted to have it be just a little different and more meaningful for us.

leoraanna

Ya I saw that too. We are going to be writing our own vows and our rabbi is allowing us to read them (he's reform). But they will be in english for both.

Jeni35

Thanks for this information. I am hoping that our rabbi will allow a double ring ceremony (because that will confuse our guests if not); but our next meeting with him is in June so that is when all of my questions will (hopefully) be answered. I do like the OP's idea about adding a sentence or two to make it personalized. That's very nice!

slbriz34

If you rabbi doesn't allow, the two of you can have your own little exchange - photographed of course - so that there's at least another intimate moment between you both.  If you are having programs, you can add a little section that you'll exchange your ring with FI after the ceremony and explain the rationale.  But don't think most folks will be shocked; many know that there are some differences between Jewish and non-Jewish weddings so if they don't see a double ring exchange, they will rightly assume it has something to do with tradition.

ARod22

There's nothing "unJewish" about saying your own vows, it's just not traditional.   More and more people are doing this at Jewish weddings. You can technically do them. See what your rabbi says about it.

Jeni35

I do plan to mention in the programs each of our traditions and meanings behind it. Our wedding is 25-30 guests and most are not Jewish. Based on the polite questions I've received recently... there is not much knowledge about a traditional Jewish ceremony. It's cool though and it seems like forever until we meet with our rabbi again. I am going away on Sunday for 2 weeks, so that should make the time fly!