venting

[Deleted User]

Ok i know this sounds like drama or venting but i feel the need to get this out there and see if anyone can help me.

 When i started planning my wedding everything was going great. But one day all this wedding stuff became about my mom and she has to have it her way. And one battle im fighting her on is the wedding shoes. I want to wear horizon blue wedding shoes but she wants me to wear Ivory wedding shoes. Everytime i try to talk to her about she has to put her two sense in and wont let me express how i feel. I'm really starting to feel like this wedding is going to be all about my mother and what she didnt have at her wedding. It's very frustrating to me because i dont even want to plan with my mom because she has to have it her way. I dont know what to do. Should i do the Ivory shoes just to make her happy or the Blue shoes like i want.
Second thing is i cant fit into my wedding dress and i found out that they have to put 8-10 inches into my dress and im ver upset that i let myself go. But i dont have any motivation to lose weight. You would think im getting married and starting a new life with someone would be a enough motivation but not really. And im sick of my parents telling me i have to lose weight so my alterations wont cost so much. And yes i understand the alterations cost money. But i wish they would get off back about this. I used to be athlete and healthy but since i quite ive put on so much weight and yes i want to look skinny and i need help i hate working out on my own and I dont know why. my fiance is trying his hardest to help me but he's working alot. any ideas.

Sorry for it being long i really had to get this out..


Thanks girls!

AmoLovesAud

Is you mom paying for your wedding (or at least, your entire outfit)?  If you can, buy the shoes you want with your own money.  I mean, don't just do it behind her back, but ask her why its important to her that you wear the shoes she chose, and explain why you prefer your choice (maybe you want them to be your 'something blue').  It seems like such a very minor thing to fuss over, and besides, they're YOUR feet, not her's.

For the dress: Can you exchange it for a larger size?  I don't mean this to sound like a critique on you (it isn't), but 8-10" is a lot to add to a garment.  At that point, they'll have to add panels of fabric, which is why its costing so much.  A larger size that's meant to fit you will be much easier, and thus cheaper, to alter, AND it will look a heck of a lot nicer.

lnf616

Take a breath for a moment, I believe all will work out in the end!

I'm with the previous post, perhaps your shoes can be your something blue!  Or if your mom is really causing a fuss, can you wear ivory to the ceremony, then have some awesome party shoes??

I have not yet mentioned to my mom that I plan on wearing some bright purple shoes for the wedding, I'll talk to her tonight and get her reaction, then maybe we can compare!

I hear you about gaining weight.  I don't consider myself a large girl, but when I went shopping I came home with a 14W.  Yup, I'm a plus size bride, never thought that I would be.  Worst part is that I know I have gained weight since I bought my dress, and I'm afraid to try it on for my first fitting next month.

I'm not great with motivation either, but if you are looking for someone to help you to be accountable for diet and exercise, I would like to be your support.  Maybe together we can talk through our frustrations and come up with ways that will help us both!!

Meanwhile, like I said, take a breath!  All will be wonderful come your wedding day!

Julyet06

You are going to have to have a heart to heart with you mother.  You should be able to wear what you want and what makes your happy, esp if you are indeed paying for it.  If she is paying for it, I say still have the heart to heart and if she is adamant about the ivory shoes, try and compromise and have fun party shoes as lnf616 said. 

I also agree with exchanging your dress for another size (unless of course you find yourself motivated to work out, I mean really motivated from now until the wedding not skipping a week).  I had mine exhanged b/c they wanted to make tons of alterations and it just didn't make sense to try and alter a dress to the next size when you could just exchange it!

Talk with your mom (who I hope can be rational and listen, sometimes it's hard to talk to mom's lol!) and see her reaction.  Tell her you love her and are so appreciative of her input.  you understand her excitement and you want her opinions, but you also want to have some say in the wedding too and you feel like your feelings are getting lost in the excitement.

We can start a daily accountability post here where we outline our meals/snacks and planned work outs for the day!  How about it?

HopefulLife

It's okay, just let it all out and btw I totally hear you! I had to buy a new dress because my original one (for a wedding planned for last year) didn't fit and now I've gained more weight and this one doesn't fit now. But we're adding a corset back to this one now so hopefully it'll help. I agree with PP about seeing if you can exchange. I tried adding panels into my other one and it wouldn't work. This one is only a couple of inches small as of last I checked.

For the shoes, PP have a covered it. I just don't talk wedding with my family because 1) we're paying for all of it ourselves (2) they don't agree to me getting married <--- Dramaland if there ever was one. My mom would probably want me to wear white shoes but I already got red ones and I love them. I feel like blue shoes could be reworn more easily than ivory. Maybe you can use that ideal in your talk with your mom.

I could definitely use a daily accountability. I've become a size 24-26 and I used to be 18-22 Since I gradauted, I've managed to put on ~40 lbs (!) despite working out more and eating less but healthier. </3 

Ctrossello

Ftwbride2be - what a coincidence I came on the boards tonight because I need to vent about my mom too!!!

My mom hung up on me because she wants one of her friends to sit at a table with her at the wedding.  I let her know it may not be feasible and she completely blew up at me.  One would think she would want to sit with her family but I guess not lol!!  AND she called me earlier today to add yet another 2 people to our wedding list (she is helping with the wedding but def not paying for it all). KILL ME PLEASE - I still have 6 months left and dress shopping with her next week

I agree with everyone above about the shoes - they are YOUR feet and you should wear what you want.  Maybe ask her to help look at some blue shoes?  Maybe you can pre-pick out some not so nice blue ones online and mix in the ones you really like, hopefully she will like them.

As for working out, I need motivation too!  Maybe we can post some workout plans that we all have to complete each week.  Even better, we should make a sched of anyone who wants to participate, we take turns weekly to submit a workout.  Then throughout the week we can post on how the workouts went?

i.e.

Week 1 - Cardio & Abs

Week 2 - Cardio & Back

Week 3 - Cardio & Arms

Week 4 - Cardio & Butt/Legs

HopefulLife

Ctro: That sounds good to me. Yesterday I saw a magazine that had a "walk it off" six-week plan that I figured I could try out as well.

lnf616

I love this idea of being accountable to each other.  I found an article called "Five Weeks to 5K" which I wanted to start next Monday.  I always feel that September is time for a new start, guess it goes back to those old school days!

How about we start a thread here and anyone who wants to participate can join in.  Then we can check in every few days or each week to see how everyone is doing!!

And I think it will be great if we do have different exercise programs that way we can share and see what is working for everyone!! 

Thoughts??

Ctrossello

I think it is a great idea - we can be each others support system!  So should we lay out some "ground rules" haha.

Starting Tuesday Sept 4th the first workout will be posted (I can take the first week if you like).  

Every Monday a new workout will be posted by a member (we should make some sort of schedule hah).

Monday-Sunday we can make updates on our thoughts about the workout and how it went, how often we were able to workout during the week, etc.  Then we can start posting our progress.  

We can also open up a thread to submit healthy breakfast, lunch, and dinner ideas.  

HopefulLife

I like it. Ctro - that's your bid, run with it.

[Deleted User]

Hey girls thank you for the support. I will try to talk to my mom. Hopefully. About the dress. My dress is already paid off when I got they would only have to put a inch and I wasn't expecting to gain so much weight : but I know with the help of my fianc I can do whatever my mind wants to do : and yes I think an accountability group would be good. Look forward to hearin from y'all :

[Deleted User]

And I also refuse to trade my dress. I LOVE MY DRESS! :