Bridal Shower Issue. Please help!

ilovezak

So My maid of Honor put off my bridal shower until last minute and she had me help her make the invitations and we sent them out and now she is leaving tomorrow until the 18th on vacation (my bridal shower is on the 19th) and I just talked to her and she has bought nothing for it and she was supposed to call everyone and see if they were coming and if they were bringing any food (it’s a pot luck) and she didn’t do that either. She said she will be too busy today to do anything and she won’t have time when she gets back because it will be too late. Now she wants me to go out and plan/buy everything for my shower. I feel stupid planning my own bridal shower though not to mention the stress of already planning a wedding, working, house hunting and we just found out im pregnant with our second! It’s really stressing me out should I just call everyone and Cancel it? I’m going to feel embarrassed having to call everyone and telling them not to come…. What would you do?

Ash61612

can you get another BM to help?

chelseakopperud

Like Ash asked... is there another BM who can help? Honestly... if there isnt, I would cancel it.... which totally stinks, but its not your job and it would look rude on your part of if you were the one that was doign everythign for it... ya know? People might take that as you throwing yourself a shower....

HarperBargo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridal-shower-issue-please-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:002910e9-8d63-4a43-b28f-d47d62d51f9bPost:1d951485-b6c6-4659-a469-eac834d38a9e">Re: Bridal Shower Issue. Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Like Ash asked... is there another BM who can help? Honestly... if there isnt, I would cancel it.... which totally stinks, but its not your job and it would look rude on your part of if you were the one that was doign everythign for it... ya know? People might take that as you throwing yourself a shower....
Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

I agree. Plus why had the extra pressure and stress to yourself?

ECOlson

I'd ask someone else like another BM or a female relative if they could pick up your MOH's slack.  It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and adding this would only stress you out further.  I doubt anyone would feel like you're throwing your own, especially if they know that your MOH had been in charge of it, but it still isn't something you should be doing.

psuxdoll

Or if you have family that can help throw it for you that would work too!

MMRoberts11

I would definitely ask a family member (sibling, mom, FMIL, etc) about helping out or having a BM do it.  If no one can I'd just cancel it to avoid all the hassle.

ilovezak

I have 3 other bridesmaids 1 of them works full time and she’s a student she’s already having a hard time getting days off just to make it to all the wedding stuff. I wouldn’t want to put anything else on her. another one of my bridesmaids is my sister in law but she’s only 13 so certainly she can’t do it and my last one has a lot of issues and stress in her life right now so I wouldn’t ask her to take over. I think I will just cancel at this point I don’t see any other way! Thanks guys! Maybe somebody will offer when I cancel but if not it sucks but oh well

MMRoberts11

Why can't the 13 year old help?  I obviously don't know her but is it because of her maturity level?

lb1212

What about another close friend? Or a co-ed shower? Get your FI and/or some of his groomsmen to help out!  It might not be as feminine as you wanted, but it might be better than canceling a shower. - Especially if gifts had already been purchased.

brittneyh4

I think that when you explain why you're cancelling, someone is probably going to offer to throw it. They'll ask when it's going to be and you'll say there won't be one as you don't throw your own shower, boom! I didn't have anyone throwing a shower (I think everyone thought MOH was going to do it, MOH assumed family was) so FI's aunt threw it when she found out.

lindseyann410

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridal-shower-issue-please-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:002910e9-8d63-4a43-b28f-d47d62d51f9bPost:68f7a15e-ea98-4c11-bfdf-ce70c3d8a2b8">Re: Bridal Shower Issue. Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Why can't the 13 year old help?  I obviously don't know her but is it because of her maturity level?
Posted by MMRoberts11[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm assuming because a 13 year old wouldn't have any money, transportation, or experience in knowing what to do. She wouldn't be able to go out and buy decorations, and I doubt that she would have the communication skills/desire/confidence/organizational skills to call what could be strangers to organize a potluck.  It may be the girl is more interested in her friends and thinking about school and her own 8th grade graduation to even want to help.</div><div>
</div><div>Sure, OP could dictate to the her some minor things to do, but I doubt that would go over very well, and it might be just as much work as doing it herself, which wouldn't alleviate the problem.  </div><div>
</div><div>OP, I would tell your MOH that you aren't comfortable organizing your own shower, so she should call everyone and cancel it.  I was uncomfortable enough with the idea of getting gifts, there's no way I could plan a shower for myself.  </div><div>
</div><div>Good luck to you, and I'm sorry she put you in this position.</div><div>
</div>

precamies

First of all, let me congratulate you on the second baby, what a blessing!!

Now, about the shower, what you could do is, instead of mentioning it to your 13yo sister in law to be, how about her mom? If you feel awkward flat out asking her, just mention that your bridesmaid backed out of it and feel out the air. An aunt throwing a shower would be acceptable as well. Like PP said, I'm sure someone will step it up, once they hear about it. it's a sucky situation, but you have to evaluate whether it is worth the stress.

precamies

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridal-shower-issue-please-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:002910e9-8d63-4a43-b28f-d47d62d51f9bPost:47c613e3-af01-4169-a5b0-93aad8aaf3af">Re: Bridal Shower Issue. Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Shower Issue. Please help! : I'm assuming because a 13 year old wouldn't have any money, transportation, or experience in knowing what to do. She wouldn't be able to go out and buy decorations, and I doubt that she would have the communication skills/desire/confidence/organizational skills to call what could be strangers to organize a potluck.  It may be the girl is more interested in her friends and thinking about school and her own 8th grade graduation to even want to help. Sure, OP could dictate to the her some minor things to do, but I doubt that would go over very well, and it might be just as much work as doing it herself, which wouldn't alleviate the problem.   <strong>OP, I would tell your MOH that you aren't comfortable organizing your own shower, so she should call everyone and cancel it.</strong>  I was uncomfortable enough with the idea of getting gifts, there's no way I could plan a shower for myself.   Good luck to you, and I'm sorry she put you in this position.
Posted by lindseyann410[/QUOTE]

also, THIS! by no means you should be the one calling around and cancelling! she messed up, she should clean it up as well, if it comes to that.

michelletobin

I agree with the other people, there should be another family member, aunt FMIL, mother or someone who can do it, or at least talk to you MOH and explain to her how rude and uncomforatable it would be to cancel your shower! So sorry you are going through this, i would be furious. Congrats on the new baby though, that is awesome!!

ilovezak

Thanks everyone! Well when I told her I was canceling it she got offended and went out a couple hours before she was suppose to get on her plane and bought everything so i guess shes still going to do it so hopefully it all goes good.