Showers....

chelseakopperud

All of this talk about showers has me thinking....

My MOH/Cousin is planning my shower along with two of my aunts. Etiquette-wise, who should be invited? With just my family and FI's mom, 2 sisters, SIL and 2 grandmas we are over 50 people. His family is huge as well and if we invited his aunts and cousins we would be WAY up there in numbers. How do I handle this? Is it rude not to invite his aunts and cousins? I dont know how to handle this...

kelsey+brandon

This is why I'm having problems!! haha

I didn't even include FI's family in that 50 people estimate because his mom and sister have already said they want to throw me a shower.

If it all works out, we want to invite my close friends that are invited to the wedding, all the women in my family, and some of my mom's close friends. This is why I'm thinking 3 showers might be necessary because I don't want to overwhlem my MOH and BMs with hosting a shower for so many people

chelseakopperud

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0532b1fe-211b-48d3-92c6-05153ef60680Post:719ff05b-4b62-43bc-a8fd-2404898b822d">Re: Showers....</a>:
[QUOTE]This is why I'm having problems!! haha I didn't even include FI's family in that 50 people estimate because his mom and sister have already said they want to throw me a shower. If it all works out, we want to invite my close friends that are invited to the wedding, all the women in my family, and some of my mom's close friends. <strong>This is why I'm thinking 3 showers might be necessary because I don't want to overwhlem my MOH and BMs with hosting a shower for so many people
</strong>Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

I agree. I dont want to ask my MOH to host it for a bigger group, but at this point, no one in FIs family has mentioned a shower, so I dont know what to do. Is it the brides side responsibility to host one for EVERYONE?? I dont want to offend anyone!

daria24

I think first you should ask the hosts how many people they can afford. If that number is large enough to include FI aunts & cousins, great! invite them. But I think inviting the MOG, any FSILs, and any WP party members from the groom's family are the only ones that "have" to be invited.

The groom's family should understand that hosts have limits, due to space or budget.

chelseakopperud

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0532b1fe-211b-48d3-92c6-05153ef60680Post:91f68a49-cfb6-42ad-9c19-eeb6a4bdbb5c">Re: Showers....</a>:
[QUOTE]I think first you should ask the hosts how many people they can afford. If that number is large enough to include FI aunts & cousins, great! invite them. But I think inviting the MOG, any FSILs, and any WP party members from the groom's family are the only ones that "have" to be invited. The groom's family should understand that hosts have limits, due to space or budget.
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

Ok good- that is what the current plan is. We are having it at my aunts house and its big, but not THAT big.... 50 is already a lot!!!

Ash61612

My family lives 3 hours away from FI's family so luckily I am not running into this problem. I am having a shower at home for my family and friends back home and then a shower where FI's family and friends live.

I agree with the PP's suggestions.

Cassandra999

so what about out of town?

My aunt's have offered to throw a shower in Michigan.  My aunts have asked for my guest list, I planned on all of my female relatives in MI, a few girlfriends, & some of my mom's close friends, all that live there.  Should I invite FMIL & FSIL (BM) too, even though they live here in OH?  I don't want to exclude, but I don't expect them to travel to come to the shower either (4hrs away)  Same w/ BMs, I was going to have them invited but tell them they don't need to go. (other than my sister, MOH, She has to go. haha)   Does that make sense? 

daria24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0532b1fe-211b-48d3-92c6-05153ef60680Post:94dd0e00-be2f-4013-9b5e-0dbe9fa1688c">Re: Showers....</a>:
[QUOTE]so what about out of town? My aunt's have offered to throw a shower in Michigan.  My aunts have asked for my guest list, I planned on all of my female relatives in MI, a few girlfriends, & some of my mom's close friends, all that live there.  Should I invite FMIL & FSIL (BM) too, even though they live here in OH?  I don't want to exclude, but I don't expect them to travel to come to the shower either (4hrs away)  Same w/ BMs, I was going to have them invited but tell them they don't need to go. (other than my sister, MOH, She has to go. haha)   Does that make sense? 
Posted by Cassandra999[/QUOTE]

<div>I threw a shower last year for a friend in NJ, we invited her FMIL (who lived in FL) and her FSIL (who lived in NC, they were also BMs). None of them came but the bride wanted them to know that they were invited and would love it if they could come, but of course she understood if they were not able to. </div><div>
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sweetcanadian1979

you have to remember not everyone will show up either. I saw a bride that had 36 invited with only 6 showing up. Your date won't work for everyone. Just make sure his mom/grandma & siblings are included otherwise it will be a complete slight to them & they will probably feel slighted. 

kelsey+brandon

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0532b1fe-211b-48d3-92c6-05153ef60680Post:94dd0e00-be2f-4013-9b5e-0dbe9fa1688c">Re: Showers....</a>:
[QUOTE]so what about out of town? My aunt's have offered to throw a shower in Michigan.  My aunts have asked for my guest list, I planned on all of my female relatives in MI, a few girlfriends, & some of my mom's close friends, all that live there.  Should I invite FMIL & FSIL (BM) too, even though they live here in OH?  I don't want to exclude, but I don't expect them to travel to come to the shower either (4hrs away)  Same w/ BMs, I was going to have them invited but tell them they don't need to go. (other than my sister, MOH, She has to go. haha)   Does that make sense? 
Posted by Cassandra999[/QUOTE]

<div>My mom and I were talking about this last night.</div><div>She said that a good rule of thumb is to invite FMIL and FSIL to anything that I would invite my mom to. It's okay if they can't come, but they should at least be invited.</div>

chelseakopperud

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0532b1fe-211b-48d3-92c6-05153ef60680Post:2053ec7b-ba49-41c4-a315-469c27d8f658">Re: Showers....</a>:
[QUOTE]you have to remember not everyone will show up either. I saw a bride that had 36 invited with only 6 showing up. Your date won't work for everyone. <strong>Just make sure his mom/grandma & siblings are included otherwise it will be a complete slight to them & they will probably feel slighted. 
</strong>Posted by sweetcanadian1979[/QUOTE]

That is teh current plan.... to invitie his sisters, mom and grandmothers. I am just worried his aunts and cousins will feel slighted!

slice85

My aunts are hosting for my side of the family and COry's aunt and cousin are hosting for his side of the family since we live two hours from my family.  I'm not much help with how far to extend invitations since we're having two, but I know each side plans on inviting moms, grandmas, and siblings to both.

Carebear62584

I was helping my mom/aunt/cousin put together my shower invitations last weekend.  We are at 86 invitations (not including the 3 of them).  We were pretty much expecting in that range, however, I know there are people that won't come since my aunt decided to schedule my cousin's shower the same day and won't budge even though mine was planned since last summer.  To avoid drama my mom told the rest of the family that I understand if they don't make it and she would rather that they go to the other side because otherwise I'll be on the big S-list.  I'm mature enough to understand the crappy situation they are in so I won't be hurt if they go to the other one and not mine...as much as it sucks and I would love to have them there.  It's still a losing battle though.

sweetcanadian1979

I would worry about the aunts & cousins, if they are so worried about it they can throw you one. 

chelseakopperud

thanks ladies!!