Anyone else dealing with this...

Elizabeth80

Anyone else have BM's, fam or close gf's who are just half hearted about your wedding. Not ignorant about it or anything just like not "into" or excited about your wedding.
 
One of my sisters in particular has been dating a guy for almost a year and wants to be engaged but isn't. She is so half hearted about everything related to my wedding. By that I mean not responding to updates (I message her every couple weeks if there is an update- she's my sister so she hears from me more.) My other sister talks to me everyday. We talk about NWR stuff a little more then WR because she's single and divorced and I don't want to be all about me. This sister has actually taken over the Bridal Shower for me and Bachelorette Party. She is just blowin me away with how she's organizing everything.

And besides the one sister who is half hearted about it I have a gf who is the same way. If I text an update or WR question she won't respond but if I ask her about the latest update on American Idol she's like this is who is in the top 12. I'm doing good in that from reading previous thread's I know to just take it in stride and appreciate the fact that they are participating. But man it would be nice for them to be a little happier about things or responsive..maybe throw in an exclaimation point occassionally. When the script is flipped I already know I will be beyond ecstatic for both of them.

Ash61612

Just remember, no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. My BM's are busy with their own stuff  going on. They all live out of state and haven't been able to help me with things going on for the wedding. 

KrisKenny

You probably already heard this before, but, take it with a grain of salt. Not everyone will be as excited about your wedding as you hope.

However, I kind of know what you are talking about.
  My FMIL is like that. First off, when FI & I first got engaged, she actually asked him if we were really going to do the whole big "wedding thing" again. Granted, we've both been married before, but not to each other. 
  She doesn't mention anything about the wedding.
   Our bridal party is arranging a Jack & Jill for us and when asked if she would sell some tickets, she said "oh, I really don't have any friends."  OK, total lie and FI said that to her (but in a nicer way).
   She went on her own to pick out a dress. No where near the style everyone else is wearing (girls & my mom all wearing short dresses, she got a long "prom" dress).
   Just the other day, FI was on the phone with her and they were talking. We had just finished up our details appt and he was kind of excited and wanted to tell her about some stuff. As he started to mention it, she said, "oh, I have to go now." Ticked FI off quite a bit.

Now, I know she likes me and all and we have a pretty good relationship, but I'm just not sure if she wants me to marry her son or not. So, I say "Oh well. Not everyone is going to like it." We love each other and are getting married. You can be excited & happy for us or not.

gregamywedding

I know it sucks, but there is not much you can do about it. That is what we have the board for. I always know that when I am really excited about something I can share it here and get a response of excitement.

Elizabeth80

True true and I realize that I my expectation was high due to me being so supportive of my friends and family in whatever they do. I assumed I would get the same in return. No worries that I haven't. Now that I realize this is how it is I'm fine and those that are excited for me outweigh those who aren't. Just needed to voice it:-)

Elizabeth80

Wow, so thankful I'm not running into this! And you're right they can choose to be happy or not either way not our problem.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-else-dealing-with-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0713e5a9-29cc-48e4-b837-7e1c76988492Post:b0cb8de9-1f76-47d0-a2f1-d11110c8fe65">Re: Anyone else dealing with this...</a>:
[QUOTE]You probably already heard this before, but, take it with a grain of salt. Not everyone will be as excited about your wedding as you hope. However, I kind of know what you are talking about.   My FMIL is like that. First off, when FI & I first got engaged, she actually asked him if we were really going to do the whole big "wedding thing" again. Granted, we've both been married before, but not to each other.    She doesn't mention anything about the wedding.    Our bridal party is arranging a Jack & Jill for us and when asked if she would sell some tickets, she said "oh, I really don't have any friends."  OK, total lie and FI said that to her (but in a nicer way).    She went on her own to pick out a dress. No where near the style everyone else is wearing (girls & my mom all wearing short dresses, she got a long "prom" dress).    Just the other day, FI was on the phone with her and they were talking. We had just finished up our details appt and he was kind of excited and wanted to tell her about some stuff. As he started to mention it, she said, "oh, I have to go now." Ticked FI off quite a bit. Now, I know she likes me and all and we have a pretty good relationship, but I'm just not sure if she wants me to marry her son or not. So, I say "Oh well. Not everyone is going to like it." We love each other and are getting married. You can be excited & happy for us or not.
Posted by KrisKenny[/QUOTE]

bchbride062012

I feel you! My FSIL is 12 yr old and my FI has insisted she be in the wedding but as a teenager she couldn't give a rat's azz! She visited with my FMIL last weekend and said a total of 3 words to about the wedding. Any other topic she talked my ear off. I know she's young and I didn't expect her to care but the complete lack of anything is a bit of a surprise. I figured she would be excited to get a new fancy dress.

I have learned the hard way from one of my freinds who got drunk and admitted that she was envious and jealous and didn't mean to be rude but she just don't know how to deal with her emotions.  She just thougth she would get married before me. Weird but whatever so I told her I really appreciated her being honest about how she felt. I just hate it took her getting drunk to explain it. I know everyone is not as excited as I am but hitting the reply button takes about 5 seconds.

Elizabeth80

So true! I'm sooo thankful for this board, the AAW board and our Facebook group.


In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-else-dealing-with-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0713e5a9-29cc-48e4-b837-7e1c76988492Post:6d2b8e46-d3b7-44e5-87fa-78c08e170558">Re: Anyone else dealing with this...</a>:
[QUOTE]I know it sucks, but there is not much you can do about it. That is what we have the board for. I always know that when I am really excited about something I can share it here and get a response of excitement.
Posted by gregamywedding[/QUOTE]

daria24

I know how you feel. I avoid the 'w' word around my BF at all costs because she is really down right now. She's at that point in her life when everyone around her is getting married or pregnant (seriously, I think I am the only person she knows that isn't pregnant) and she is single, 33 and really wants kids. She actually came over last weekend and was crying because she feels like a terrible friend because she knows I've been avoiding wedding talk around her. Sure I'd love to be doing DIY stuff with her, but I understand how frustrated she feels. And the great thing about TK is talking about weddings with other brides do your friends/family don't have to deal.

HarperBargo

I agree with PP.

Remember that weddings bring out the best and worse in people. I remember being a BM (several different times) though I was always happy for my friends the talk of wedding makes people look at their own relationships and status and get a little jealous, sad, antsy, ect. Also they have busy lives as well. Just because your life is revolving around the wedding theirs are not. So try not to treat it as such.

michellep1

I understand where you're coming from.  I'm the kind of person that is ecstatic for pretty much anything good that happens, especially to friends/family, so it always puts me off when other people don't get as excited about exciting things!  All of my BMs were sooo excited when I asked them, and I thought that meant they would be really involved & such, since they saiiiid they wanted to be involved, but not everyone is that pumped now that its actually time to do stuff.  One BM I know gets upset easily that shes still single, so I try really hard to think of things to text her about that aren't wedding related, but she barely even responds to me at all!  Then I have other BMs that will just randomly text me to say they're so excited. 

I guess what I'm learning is that everyone has different levels of enthusiasm for the things around them & although its hard, you can't expect people to be as excited as you are about things that aren't for them.  I'm not saying I don't get upset when it happens to me, but I do tryyyy to think rationally about it when I'm less emotional.

Elizabeth80

Wow, that does stink. I had a friend surprised when I told her I was engaged. She said she never saw me as getting married. I was like...um...ok? lol

You're comment about hittiing the reply button was too funny. All I could think was 'Exactly! Can I get a confirmation of receipt or something!!'

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-else-dealing-with-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0713e5a9-29cc-48e4-b837-7e1c76988492Post:358f11f3-9723-4529-b2ce-3c3ab6f796ed">Re: Anyone else dealing with this...</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel you! My FSIL is 12 yr old and my FI has insisted she be in the wedding but as a teenager she couldn't give a rat's azz! She visited with my FMIL last weekend and said a total of 3 words to about the wedding. Any other topic she talked my ear off. I know she's young and I didn't expect her to care but the complete lack of anything is a bit of a surprise. I figured she would be excited to get a new fancy dress. I have learned the hard way from one of my freinds who got drunk and admitted that she was envious and jealous and didn't mean to be rude but she just don't know how to deal with her emotions.  She just thougth she would get married before me. Weird but whatever so I told her I really appreciated her being honest about how she felt. I just hate it took her getting drunk to explain it. <strong>I know everyone is not as excited as I am but hitting the reply button takes about 5 seconds</strong>.
Posted by bchbride062012[/QUOTE]

melntaitt

I know where you're coming from; I think on some level we have that hope that our families and friends will be all excited for us but the truth is that some will be and some aren't.

My MOH is the point and case - she was originally very excited when I asked her back last year and as time went on she just lost interest, or something I don't know. I approached her about it and she said she was all "weddinged out" and I had too many pre-wedding parties and my wedding costs too much and her mother shouldn't have to travel for my wedding because her son's birthday is close and she REALLY should come for her grandson's birthday instead of my wedding...the list goes on and on and on.

I love her, I do but if I could fire her I would. I'm just glad it's the 1% in this and not the 99%.

bchbride062012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_anyone-else-dealing-with-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:0713e5a9-29cc-48e4-b837-7e1c76988492Post:2cb5b033-0bdd-4c37-b887-59bc8db78a89">Re: Anyone else dealing with this...</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, that does stink. I had a friend surprised when I told her I was engaged. She said she never saw me as getting married. I was like...um...ok? lol You're comment about hittiing the reply button was too funny. All I could think was 'Exactly! Can I get a confirmation of receipt or something!!' In Response to Re: Anyone else dealing with this... :
Posted by Elizabeth80[/QUOTE]

Oh my FI shocked a couple of his old freinds when our news got out. They didn't live near us so I had not met them eventhough we had been together 4 years when we got engaged. One guy even called after getting the Save the Date asking if it was a joke. I was like WTF?!?!?! I think some people just don't realize what they say is hurtful.

Elizabeth80

@ Daria- What a great friend! I'm 31 and one of the last few of my besties to get married. So I definitely understand where both of you are coming from. I so would have appreciated a friend when I was single!:-)

@Harper- I get what you mean. Fortunately I keep the wedding talk to a minimum to my gf's/fam etc especially to the single one's. I text my sister and gf about non WR things and my gf is responsive. Mys sister is hit or miss. So when I do share something esp with the gf its few and far in between. My main updates are to his mom, my mom and to my FI.

@ I get what you mean. There was more excitement initially and its tapering off.

I definitely get that its not all about me believe me. It is very nice to know though that other brides know where I'm at. Thanks ladies!!

chelseakopperud

My MOH goes in streaks of being excited an overly helpful. She is ALWAYS helpful though, just not always excited, which is to be expected since its not her wedding!

One BM is as involved as I ask her to be. She is excited about the wedding and VERY helpful when I ask her to be. She isnt overly involved, but thats ok.

The other 2 bridesmaids are wayyyy out of the loop and not involved in anythign WR. Its fine with me, I didnt ask them to be in teh wedding to help me plan it. But sometimes its frustrating. One in particular STILL hadnt tried her BM dres on (has had it since January). She finally tried it on after FI text her about it and insisted she try it on to be sure it fit. It luckily did.

littleluckypenny

I know how you feel Elizabeth80, and I do know the line of that "no one will be as excited as me".  But I think I've got you beat

Not only hasn't my bridesmaids (sister and cousins)  not asked about anything regarding the wedding, neither has anyone else, including my parents.  I figured at least my mom would be a little excited, seeing as I am the first to get married.  Since I told her I'm engaged last April, we haven't discussed any wedding details.  She hasn't asked about the venue, dress, travel (she lives OOT), anything.  I'm not saying she has to, but a daughter expects a question or two from her mom 
regarding planning!  The only people who has asked about any planning is a cousin of mine, only because she just engaged at Christmas so she wants to pick my brain, and co-workers, who aren't even invited!

I'm just glad I can get my wedding fix and excitement through TK!  Not sharing details, suggestions and experiences with you guys would have made this process truly difficult.

Elizabeth80

@ Bchbride- Wow, some people definitely need a filter. I'm sorry that that was how he responded!

@ Chelsea- I'm definitely with you on this. It does seem to come in waves and then on one hand you have people who seem consistently excited. Either way my MOH's are awesome and I need to appreciate that!
 
@LLP- Um wow, my mom has stepped up with this wedding. And is actually being a mother for the first time in years. You definitely have us to talk to about wedding stuff. Hope your mom comes around. And so glad you're on here to chat with us!

melfacto

I can totally relate, I have gotten minimal help from my MOH, which is fine, shes in her last year of university and has a lot on her plate, than she got engaged at xmas and I was asked to be her MOH in her DW in Mexico and she expects me to be SO excited and involved with planning her December wedding, sometimes I feel like saying did you forget I get married in June and have my OWN wedding to finish planning, I had to go dress shopping for her wedding gown last weekend, yet we haven't finished with her MOH dress.. arg.. I've gotten over it really and my FI is amazing with helping

lilmiss_34

I think it can be easy to get too caught up in just wedding talk. A couple things stuck out to me, like 'I message her every couple weeks if there is an update'.  Every couple weeks is a lot of wedding talk for someone not getting married. And how important could those updates be if they're coming in every couple weeks?

And 'We talk about NWR stuff a little more then WR'. In my opinion, talking about non wedding related things should not just be 'a little more'. You really can't expect that amount of devotion to talk about your wedding.

Very obvious hint you talk about the wedding too much and they just have nothing left to say: 'If I text an update or WR question she won't respond but if I ask her about the latest update on American Idol she's like this is who is in the top 12'

jenandnatea

I'm so glad this post was here because I was going to rant about something similar.  I have 3 awesome bridesmaids... and 3 awful ones.  My sister, my soon to be SIL, and one of my married friends are excellent.  Then my three friends from hs... have reverted back to being in hs.  Talking about me behind my back, being rude about my decisions from my own dress to the bm dress, to the food choice.  They are also constantly complaining about money.  I actually ended up telling them how I felt and that if they wanted an out and to not be part of my wedding, no hard feelings.  None of them took it.  At this point I don't care about them being involved, I wish they weren't.  I fear they will cause drama and try to ruin things the day of.  Just a sticky situation.  I should have known better because they were like this when our friend got married last summer too.  It's tough - I think it is jealousy on some level, also that they just aren't in the same place in their life as me.  I actually try not to talk about wedding things with them because it never has a good outcome.  

Good luck to everyone with their bm situation.  In hindsight I wish we hadn't picked such a big wedding party... but my dad is prepared to ask them to leave if they try and ruin the day!