Bridal Shower dilemma (long)

amyl9

Hey ladies! Long time, no talk. I've been really busy with the new job/house lately and we STILL have no Internet, so I'm around but mostly lurking on my iPhone. However, I just had a situation come up that I need to talk about... My sister (and MOH) just called me from my mom's house where she was spending the weekend. She, my other sister and my mom were talking about the options for my bridal shower. She asked if I would like it April 28 (no, because that's my weekend on) or May 5 (sure!). Then she says, "We were thinking of having it at the bowling alley. We could close off the lounge for the day so we wouldn't be bothered by the open bowlers...blah, blah". Dead silence from me... ...a little background. My mom is employed at the bowling alley and has been for about 13 years. She's a waitress and recently promoted to bar manager. Because of her employment, our family gets "perks" so to speak. Free bowling and shoes, discounted food and drinks, etc. We've had my younger sister's birthday parties there many times because, well it's fun and, with the discounts, ends up being cheaper for my parents. So I guess when it came to planning my bridal shower these "perks" came to mind. At least as far as the food, drinks and rental of the lounge being cheaper is concerned. (We aren't planning on actually bowling obviously) So after my moment of dead silence my sister says, "You're not into it. I told mom you wouldn't like the idea." *Sigh* So then I start trying to explain myself... ...maybe it's vain or selfish somehow, but to me a bowling alley lounge isn't the classiest place to have a shower...of any kind. It's dark (think, no windows), dingy and smells like stale beer and cigarettes and the oil the use on the lanes. Then there's the food. Bowling alley fare? For a bridal shower? Pizza and pop is good for a kids birthday but not so much for a shower in my opinion. Lastly, and maybe the biggest reason the idea turns me off, FI's family (mom, sisters) are really conservative, as in, no drinking/dancing/etc. Regardless of if alcohol is served to us while we are in the lounge, we're still "in the bar" which I think would make them feel very uncomfortable. And I don't want that. I'm already afraid that the wedding itself is going to put them over the edge of their comfort zone (open bar, DJ, dancing), I certainly don't want to push it. *Sigh again* My sister said it was okay, they were just suggesting but now I feel like an ungrateful bridezilla because I spoke up about my concerns. I know it was my mom's first choice because of the money saving probability so that makes me sad. I don't want them to feel like it has to be an expensive, lavish affair...but...I don't know. If money is the concern I should offer to help because I can...I just hadn't thought about it yet. What do you girls think? Was I wrong to feel that way? What would you do? TIA!!!

nvelez28

That's tricky because of course you want to be grateful, but their first idea of the bowling alley is not what you envisioned.  It sounds like you explained it calmly and without having a bridezilla moment.  I'm guessing that you're right and it was first thought of because it would be affordable.  Could you talk to your sister again and ask what other places might be just as pocket-friendly?  Maybe a ladies lunch at a BM's house or backyard.

I think you should share with your sister exactly what you wrote here: you have some concerns about the bar there and it isn't what you first envisioned.  Your sister shared it was just a suggestion, so hopefully everyone will be receptive to a different place for your shower.  I'm sure they want you to be happy and have a great time!

Good luck!

franklissa

I think that you had valid concerns. I would just have a talk with your Mom to let her know the reasons, that you would not want to have it somewhere that will make your FILs uncomfortable.

melntaitt

You didn't sound nasty at all and you certainly don't sound bratty; it's ok to voice your concerns as long as they aren't demands. I get what you're saying and it wouldn't be my first choice either, and I would definitely tell them, if that's really what they want to do, that was fine, but it wasn't my vision. I would be honest.

Good luck to you; follow up and let us know how it works out

Kfudge0714

I think you have vaild concerns but it sounds like your sister understands so I don't think you have to worry about feeling like you were a bridezilla. I agree with PP if you think the money may be a concern then talk to your sister and consider having it at someones house or backyard

goodine11

Those are valid concerns. I don't think you are being a bridezilla. Could they do it at someones home, where they could shed money on paying for a venue. I told my bridal party to have my Shower at my FMIL's home ( with her permission). I found out that my mother told them to do finger foods. My FI told me. But I am going with them to pick out the food. I wanted them to keep the cost down due to all the money they are paying to get to the wedding. But not a bowling alley. It is kinda childish ( unless it's an upscale bowling alley, those adult bowling alley.

Teep

I think having it at a bowling alley sounds like a lot of fun. But I can see where you're coming from if you have a lot of other stuff there too. My girls are using my house for mine because they can't afford to rent anywhere, so I think them offering to host it there is pretty generous.

Sarah0335

I cam see where you are coming from.  I think if you have a house that could host it, that it could be more appropriate and budget friendly.  Mine will be at my FMIL's house.  She was nice enough to let me MOH throw it there.  I think it will be simple and perfect.  I told them I just want it to be enjoyable for all including you, so don't go broke throwing it.

Melissa603

I think it helps that your sister is on board with not doing it. I wouldn't want a shower at a bowling alley either. You have valid points. Is there a house that you could hold the shower at to help alleviate some of the cost?

amyl9

Thanks for the input everyone. I guess we could have it at someone's house...in fact, I was ASSUMING we would be having it at my parents house. It was a surprise to me today to learn they wanted to have it "somewhere." Maybe they were thinking that there would be too many people attending to have it in our house? I don't know. I was kind of blind-sided with it today...hadn't thought much about my shower...so when my sister asked, all I could say was what I DIDN'T want. I'll have to think on it and call her in a day or so.

sweetcanadian1979

I think the bowling alley would be ok for the start of a bachelorette but not for a shower. Don't feel like a bridezilla, why should we always feel guilty when something doesn't work for us? Are we not allowed to have different tastes? I am also of the mindset that showers do not need to cost hundred's of dollars. I would never let my girls do that in a million years. 

We are having it in either my aunt's backyard or mine (i will leave for the morning to prep of course) with light snacks, it will be in between meal times so no need to have a full meal. We are from the country though so that's just the way it is done here.  

MMRoberts11

I don't think you are being a bridezilla at all.  You have valid reasons and honestly I'd say the same thing.  Have you talked to your sister about possibly having it at someone's house? 

I would definitely create a list on how many people will be invited and maybe come up with a few ideas for when you talk to your sister.