Grooms to do list

Ash61612

I wish my FI knew how important his "to do" list is. He wanted me to send him a monthly to do list because when he saw the HUGE one, his eyes kinda got glazed over. I was fine with sending him a month to month list. But nothing gets taken care of! I have sent the same one the past couple of months. I almost want to stop sending it to him because nothing is getting taken care of. Vent over. 

amonis

Ooooh I totally know what you are talking about! I literally have to tell FI something 10 times.  At that point, I might as well do it myself!! He says he was raised where the woman planned the wedding and the man just went along.  I soo don't want it that way but it's hard to get him to do stuff. In his defense, he is ridiculously busy, but it is still frustrating!

melntaitt

I had to literally wrestle FI to the laptop last night to start to figure out what song he wants to dance with his mom to - a VERY big deal to her.

He listened to three songs - said this one is fine - then got back to Sports Center. His to-do list grew today.

leah2489

Yeah I'm having the same problem. My FI is very involved and wants to be part of all of the decisions, but when I bring them to him he just says "whatever you like best" grrrr. That doesn't help! He was also in charge of booking a limo, and that still hasn't been done.

janeash

I know FI wants to help with the wedding because he sees how much it's stressing me out, but I just don't think guys care about all the little things that we do.  My FI really just wants to be told where to stand and when and aside from that, he's at a loss.  he would never even think of all the little (and sometimes big) things like colours, flowers, cake, music, etc.

The whole point of that being that it's not just your FI.....it's a guy thing.  They don't see the little things we see and so they don't see how important they are.  (this being a total generalization.....don't ream me out for saying so!)  As long as he is steady and reliable on the big things in life, you'll forget all about his lack of effort on the wedding in no time!

kelsey+brandon

Yea...FIs made no progress on his list yet. He really needs to get on it. We have got to reserve the groomsmen tuxes and get them measured and get the hotel blocks squared away. 

Ash61612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_grooms-to-do-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:1f3d1fe5-7d21-4016-9608-1a4816ed7530Post:c823bb89-4b87-4c65-95a9-168f41c86e65">Re: Grooms to do list</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah I'm having the same problem. My FI is very involved and <strong>wants to be part of all of the decisions, but when I bring them to him he just says "whatever you like best" grrrr. That doesn't help</strong>! He was also in charge of booking a limo, and that still hasn't been done.
Posted by leah2489[/QUOTE]
this is what FI said on ANY of the wedding decisions. I want it to be "our" day but I am the one who is making all the decisions and want some feedback. I almost want to stop telling him what needs to get done and sit back and watch but I don't want things not to get done and it blow up in our face in the end

tgerl

I have the same problem.  I finally did the important items myself and just left him with the things that didn't need to be done until the last minute - since that's when they will likely get done!

Skittles612

My FI was great in the beginning saying I'll do this and I'll handle that.  NONE of the things that he volunteered for are done except the stuff I took over and handled.  Its driving me nuts!  I keep sending him texts everyday saying 4 more months or 115 days left... He doesn't get the hint.

michellep1

This reminds me of a story my mom was telling me about her wedding planning.  My father was in charge of ONE thing - booking the limos.  He didn't do it and they ended up riding in the best man's van all day.  As a direct result of this, I've either taken over all FI's duties or reminded him like 3x a week of what he has to do.

FI was in charge of the honeymoon, but hadn't done any research at all, so I ended up figuring that out.  Then he was in charge of the limo and decided to contact limo companies in Syracuse (where he's from), when we live and are getting married in Rochester (1.5 hours away), so I took that over as well.  Currently all he's in charge of is picking out the tuxes (no progress) and favors.  Favors will probably also be something I have to do, and tuxes might only happen because we'll be going to Syracuse to pick out the FG dress with his sister, so maybe he can round up some groomsmen & do that.

On one hand I get frustrated that he doesn't seem to understand what an ENORMOUS undertaking planning this wedding is, but on the other hand I'm a total control freak and would probably just end up mad if he did something wrong anyway. 

L&J2012

My FI wanted to help out at the beginning but after a few weeks he realized it was best if I took care of everything. I've taken care of almost everything, though I ask him for opinions on everything before I decide anything. The only things he really needs to do is find a suit or suit jacket, decide on what his GMs will wear (and buy ther ties), and that's about it... Mind you, I'll be happy if I can even get him to pay attention to me over the next month or so. The third game in his favorite video game series just came out yesterday. He's already apologized for ignoring me most of the time we're home together...

KrisKenny

My FI doesn't have any "TO DO" list. It's all on me. And frankly, I kind of like that. I ask his opinion on things, but I basically have the final say on everything. Hehehe. We have already gone over some of the music together and will go over more, but actually booking appointments & sending deposits and actual meetings has been all me. He didn't even go to the food tasting. My MOH went with me because FI had to work (even though I felt he should get someone to cover for him).

Oh wait...He does have something to do...Pick out the GM gifts. Surprisingly, he pretty much has them all picked out. But, yet again, I have to order them for him.

goodine11

My FI is doing it but on his time. He saw me getting my bridal party list together and he got his groomsmen gifts. He is working with the travel agent so I don't have to do much with that.

MMRoberts11

My FI has a growing to do list.  His latest excuse not to do some of it was with my being part time now I can do more of it.  We will soon be having DIY weekends together in the garage.

HilareyL

So glad you guys share my frustrations with FI.  We actually had a discussion about how I was doing everything last night.  He hasn't done anything except book the rehearsal dinner location which took all of two seconds on email.  What are your guys getting their groomsmen?  He's having trouble thinking of something.

ncd5015

My FI's been helping when he can. He can get really overwhelmed when you give him too many options. But he really enjoyed the food tasting (after I narrowed down the food options) and gave some great suggestions for the menu. All I really need him to do is email his GM about fittings and golf - it's been 3 weeks, no sign of an email.

Ash61612

FI needs to figure out tux's, get the fishing flies for the bouts, pick out a song for the dance with his mom. He is in charge of out get away from the reception and there is no telling if he has started researching that.

daria24

My FI just can't seem to prioritize. For instance, he has given zero thought to what he is going to wear (he knows he is going to buy a new suit but that's it), he doesn't seem concerned that we don't have a single thing for the ceremony or an officiant. And yet he's been making detailed playlists for e dry section of the day. Dude you can figure out the cocktail hour music in May! I did however almost burst into tears the other night because I came home and found him cutting out fabric circles for my pomanders. It's the first thing he's actually taken the initiative to do.

Ash61612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_grooms-to-do-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:1f3d1fe5-7d21-4016-9608-1a4816ed7530Post:f0c25327-c9d1-43b0-a411-af192125d997">Re: Grooms to do list</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI just can't seem to prioritize. For instance, he has given zero thought to what he is going to wear (he knows he is going to buy a new suit but that's it), he doesn't seem concerned that we don't have a single thing for the ceremony or an officiant. And yet he's been making detailed playlists for e dry section of the day. Dude you can figure out the cocktail hour music in May! <strong>I did however almost burst into tears the other night because I came home and found him cutting out fabric circles for my pomanders. It's the first thing he's actually taken the initiative to do.
</strong>Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

thats really sweet

Rethany

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_grooms-to-do-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:1f3d1fe5-7d21-4016-9608-1a4816ed7530Post:f8a7386a-55a0-4902-9d98-50df3933394c">Re: Grooms to do list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Grooms to do list : this is what FI said on ANY of the wedding decisions. I want it to be "our" day but I am the one who is making all the decisions and want some feedback. I almost want to stop telling him what needs to get done and sit back and watch but I don't want things not to get done and it blow up in our face in the end
Posted by Ash61612[/QUOTE]


This is where I am at right now Ashley! Ready to just watch fit hit the shan but don't want it to be on our wedding day!

I knew all along FI wasn't going to plan a single thing. So i can't complain anout much but there are things I cannot do myself. I can't just buy him a ring because I literally have no idea what he wants. I can't rent his tux because I don't know his measurements, and I think my pastor would frown on just me showing up for pre-marital counseling. Those are really the only things that I need him to do at the moment and it is like pulling teeth just to talk to him about it.

sweet_melissa81

If you ladies are able to find something that works please let me know. I've tried wooing him with sex, threatened to break the PS3 (which I would never do), I threatened to hide his games, I've begged, pleaded, called off the wedding, cried, screamed, fussed, bitched, nagged and nothing really worked.

MiksChick23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_grooms-to-do-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:1f3d1fe5-7d21-4016-9608-1a4816ed7530Post:ba9a6522-8ff1-400e-af04-33f64ed64a57">Re: Grooms to do list</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI's been helping when he can. He can get really overwhelmed when you give him too many options. But he really enjoyed the food tasting (after I narrowed down the food options) and gave some great suggestions for the menu. All I really need him to do is <strong>email his GM about fittings and golf</strong> - it's been 3 weeks, no sign of an email.
Posted by ncd5015[/QUOTE]

Ditto on this. The golf outting is his big "To Do" item. He is in charge of picking the course, and setting up the prizes and all of that...after I approve of course (can't have it butting up to the rehearsal!).

I made him a list and I've crossed out more of the stuff than him! An example is some people in his family I wasn't sure on the spelling of their names and some of the cousins have different last names than their parents so I needed him to get the info from his mom. The list stuck to the fridge for like 2 weeks and I really wanted to get the invites addressed, so I just called FSIL and got all the answers. Now he parades around with his list and how far he's gotten when I crossed off half the stuff! LOL.

doeie04

Chad is the same way. I knew he would be though, it isn't just wedding stuff he has no interest in planning. haha.

The only thing that is upsetting me right now is the HM. Most of you know he doesn't want to spend the money on one so we haven't even pin-pointed where we are going, let alone book it. It is really frustrating and he has ruined that part for me.

courtneyclare103

FI is away at med school while also studying for his first set of boards, so he literally can't do anything to help me...and I am almost glad I get to do everything, haha. We've done a few things together when he's been back on breaks, like visiting the reception venue, cake tasting, and picking out the tuxes, but for the most part I find something I like, I ask his opinion, and I handle it. I like it!

MissyB1313

URGH. He was driving my absolutely nuts. He stepped up the other day and made the decisions on lighting and guest book. Not a whole lot, but it's progress. It took me looking at our to do list on TK, bursting into tears and looking at him, then starting all over again with an good old ugly-cry. He *kinda* got that I'm overwhelmed with dealing with our house & financial stuff, the wedding, and running my salon while getting ready for the next one to open exactly 2 months before the wedding. URGH. 

brittneyh4

My FI has been married before and talked about how much stress it was to plan the wedding, that she would ask him for his opinion and purposely go the other direction - why bother asking, right?

I went into this carefully - though I did ask him to watch the flights for a good price and book asap - he booked them Jan 2nd.. plenty of time!

I raved to EVERYONE about how incredible he was for that, because really, he procrastinates on EVERYTHING so I was thinking it'd be May before we got our tickets. Since then, when I ask him to do something, he's generally on it pretty quickly, and I've only had to ask him twice on one thing (and that was going in to pick out tuxes... I made him do it in Jan knowing we'd have an issue with the groomsmen... only one has got fitted lol). I just praise what he does and what he doesn't want to do, I do myself. It's SOOO much easier for me to just make the decision instead of having him say 'but I want this' when I have my heart set on something else