My FI has been in a funk for the last few days, but it's been building up. His dad asked him to go out to dinner a week and a half ago and basically FI was put on the spot about issues bothering his dad (too complicated and too many to mention). My FI is not a confrontational person and just wants peace so he keeps quiet. When he got home and thought about his conversation with his dad there were many things he wanted to say to his dad so he wrote him an e-mail letting it all out. His dad then responded and last night FI spent a good 3 hours thinking about and writing his dad a response. He and I had a long discussion about it before he sent the e-mail but it was things that were bothering him so he had to do it. After he sent it he was nervous because he knew his dad wasn't going to be happy so he didn't sleep all night. He ended up taking a sick day and working from home today. Well, this morning while I was getting ready his dad sent him a text saying that he's had enough of the e-mailing and he wanted to talk so for my FI to call him. Well aparently FFIL couldn't wait and called him at like 8am (not knowing FI stayed home). FI said that the first 20 mins of the conversation FFIL was flipping out on him and FI just listened. Then FI went off screaming and swearing at his dad (he NEVER swears or gets mad) for another 20 mins. They talked more and FI said he felt like crap and was so upset after that so he had to stop working. A little while later his dad called him and he didn't answer because he was working and didn't want to deal with it. Then his dad sent him a text saying he called and to please call him back. FI didn't even listen to the voicemail until I got home and then texted his dad saying he doesn't want to talk about it anymore today and needs his space. FI said he was leaving his phone in the bedroom and not answering it at all tonight because he doesn't even want to know if his dad calls or texts him back.
Basically his parents were never together and his mom and step-dad raised him but he still saw his dad. His dad never paid a dime for college while his stepdad worked 2 jobs (one was a custodial job at a hotel) just to put him through college. Basically his dad is only his dad when it is convenient. He is hardly contributing to our wedding yet still wants to be recognized. FI said that he didn't think it was fair for his mom and stepdad to have to pay for his side of the family. He is now saying it is part of his belief that if you want something you have to pay for it yourself (such as a wedding or college) but if we needed the money in an emergency he would help us out. Really?!? Well, the money isn't the only issue. We don't need it, but from an outsiders view it makes him look bad (especially to my parents who have never met him) because everyone else is paying for him and his family to be there. FFIL is remarried and adopted his wife's son who is overseas in the army. FFIL will do anything at the drop of a hat for that son, but not for FI. In the last year he has gone to his bootcamp graduation, visited him overseas, took a cruise, and bought a new car.....yet he made FI pay for his $6 hockey game ticket and when we have a big family breakfast he has never once picked up the tab for us. This is totally different than FI's mom and stepdad and my parents.
I feel so bad for FI that he is dealing with this. I do have to say though that I am proud of him for standing up for himself and letting this all off his back. I do like FFIL but I don't think that he's always treated FI like his son. He's just very hypocritcal about it all.
Sorry, I just had to vent about this. I would call my mom and chat with her about it but FI is home so I don't want to upset him by talking to her about it.