BM Help- Vent sorry

colleenm18

Ok so as you all know I live in Philadelphia and so do all but 1 of my bridesmaids, she is from Pittsburgh.  And to say the least she has been somewhat missing from the wedding events. We will call her J

So first when ordering the BM dresses she waited until the last week to order the dress.  No big deal I had another girl who also did the same thing, this difference was lack of communication from J.  I ended up ordering her dress for her, so let's hope it fits!

So then I send out an email a few weeks ago about shoes.  No response.  I again had to track her down to find out if she wanted me to order her these shoes since it was a buy one get one sale and another BM was interested in ordering them as well.  It took her almost a week to respond.

I then find out from my sister (MOH) that J hardly ever responded to anything that had to do with the shower and would go weeks without answering emails or text or anything from the other BM.  She also then told my sister she would be at the shower on saturday and then at 11am on saturday sent her an email saying she wasnt going to make it... well no crap you live 6 hours away and the shower was starting in 3 hours!  I have yet to hear from her at all which just hurts my feelings.  I am not upset or mad that she couldnt make the shower, however she knew my shower was that day so a phone call after would have been nice just to say hey sorry I missed it.


So now my BM dresses are in and I sent out a group email to let them know they can all pick them up, nothing from J.  I am more then happy to go ahead and pick up her dress and have it shipped to her in pittsburgh, however I am just annoyed with her right now and I dont want to do this unless she actually ask me to do it.  I feel like she is an adult she agreed to be a part of this wedding so she should at least have enough respect to say hey Col would you mind picking up my dress since I wont be in Philly before the wedding.  Is that wrong? 

I am just at a loss for words with her right now and have no idea how to handle the situation.

mekiakoo

Oh I would be very annoyed too.

Why don't you get ahold of her and see how everything is going with her and if there is something going on that you aren't aware of. Put aside wedding talk and be her friend, I think that'd be a good place to start. Maybe then you can bring up your concerns and see if there is anything you can do to help her.

NIKKIANDTYE

I'm sorry I know that's frustrating but I agree call her or go visit her and see if there is something going on with her before you get up set

janeneo

I agree with the PP that you may want to take a step back, and if this behavior is surprising try to she what is going on in her world. also, don't even bring up the wedding stuff I took a step back and found out my BM was really worried about her little one. I was so glad I made a point to call her to see how she was and not anything about the wedding. If nothing comes out of the conversation then drastically lower your expectations, and if she steps up then great, and if not then you know where you stand and maybe she'll be more of a sideline friend in the future. It doesn't sound like you've have any crazy expectations, and I am a firm believer that when you agree to be in someone's wedding that the dress and attending the shower is part of those duties. Otherwise graciously decline. I have been a BM 15 times Maybe it's cause she's a Steelers fan? Haha I'm from Philly too... ;

bridetobe71412

I agree with what's been said.

I'd say first thing you should do when you're settled back in the country is give her an actual phone call, not email/text. Some people are just really bad with email and text communication (I'm not one of them, but I know people who are). Just ask her how she's doing and say you've been thinking about her and just wondering what's up, etc.

It sounds like there has to be something else going on in her life for her to just ignore you totally, right?

michelle11988

I agree with PPs totally.  I would definitely give her a call and talk to her about non-wedding related stuff and see whats going on in her life.  It definitely seem like something is up with her from the way you described the situation.

BeachLover2885

I completely understand how you feel. It's so annoying when people do not answer emails/texts/etc. It takes two seconds to answer an email.  When's the last time you've seen J or talked to her on the phone? Is she typically flakey when things aren't about her? I agree with PP about contacting her and seeing what's new in her life, but just remember that she accepted when you asked her to be a BM and she should be answering your emails about wedding related things. 

And you're not alone with having to track down bridal party members.  I've had to tell some of my BMs to order their dresses and pick them up more than once.  You think one email would be enough! And I know a few of the GM haven't gotten fitted for their tuxes yet either.  I completely get that people are busy, but whenever I've been a BM I've always returned emails and texts. It's not that difficult!! 

mbody

Has she always been flakey? Is going MIA one of her characteristics? Or is this unusual? 

If it's unusual, maybe something is going on with her that you're unaware of. Like other have said, just give her a phone call and check in. Don't make it all about the wedding/dresses/shoes, ect. Find out what's going on with her. I'm sure you'll feel better once you two speak. 

As far as the dress goes, I'd just pick it up and send it to her. I understand your frustration with it and not wanting to go out of your way, but I'm sure she'll appreciate it. Plus that way she can go ahead with alterations and make sure it's ready in time for the wedding. 

colleenm18

Thanks for the help ladies!  Once I am home again I will try to get a hold of her just to chat!

I last saw J in the fall. I went out to pittsburgh for a visit, this isnt unusual for us to not see one another often, normally 2-3 times a year.  She is not normally flaky, however always very difficult to get a-hold of so hopefully this is just her being herself and nothing is seriously wrong with her!