Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?

jaime10285

Anderson Cooper was on TV while I was at the gym so I was watching it while on the elliptical and today's episode was about purity balls.  For those who don't know, it's girls pledging to their fathers (or other male figure in their life, usually) that they will remain sexually pure until marriage.  There is obviously great controversy over these events.

I know we have brides with a variety of views on sex before marriage so I was just curious on what people thought of these events.

DrPB2b13

I think whatever floats their boat, really.  However, various research studies have shown that teens who actually pledge abstinence are far more likely to become sexually active than teens who don't (75-80% vs. 45-50% of non-pledging teens).  I think that no sex until marriage has to be a choice made for personal, individual reasons - and that pressure from other parties to do so is just setting a lot of these kids up for failure.

I have heard of girls who specifically requested to receive purity rings and such from their parents, and I think that's awesome, but parents who want to try to make their kids do so by giving them a ring and/or going through a ceremony aren't terribly likely to succeed.

lindseyann410

I don't understand why they have to pledge to their dads or male figures.  Why can't they plege the their mothers?  Or just plege, not necessarily to anyone?

That seems weird to me.

DrPB, those are interesting statistics.

Zimsgirl26

Preaching abstinence or making a pledge doesn't do anything. I think they're dumb

daria24

I'm really, really against purity balls/pledges. -At 15 or 16 I don't think most girls are mature enough to make that kind of decision. At 16 I thought I would wait until marriage. By college that changed. -I think it's horribly sexist-most of the time these things are aimed only at girls-what guys don't have to remain pure? It just reinforces gender stereotypes -when and how you become sexually active should be between you am your partners, it's not of your parents' business -I find promises to your father/male figure just creepy. Your virginity doesn't "belong" to your Father. End rant.

DrPB2b13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:22519d13-6383-43ef-b6c7-4c4865bc5d2c">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]-I think it's horribly sexist-most of the time these things are aimed only at girls-<strong>what guys don't have to remain pure? It just reinforces gender stereotypes</strong>
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

Strictly speaking, historically, people didn't care if men in power (e.g. nobility) remained abstinent as long as their wives were virgins when they met.  Men fathered illegitimate children with other women, but his wife was supposed to be faithful to him - if she wasn't, their firstborn child (presumably a boy, poised to inherit the kingdom) might not be his, putting the kingdom/duchy/earldom/etc in jeopardy.  So no, historically, guys don't have to remain pure.

Additionally, if you make ALL of the girls abstinent, the boys have no choice BUT to remain pure, because who are they going to do it with?  I think the idea is more to keep the girls from giving into the boys' advances - after all, "boys will be boys" (yet another sexist view, I know).

Finally, I don't actually HAVE the research citations to back up the figures I named above (I've just heard and read them in several places, including TV shows regarding sex education) so if anyone has hard proof of anything different, feel free to dispute me :)

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:eba76fc3-a799-4736-9bf1-9277b6d77228">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"? : Strictly speaking, historically, people didn't care if men in power (e.g. nobility) remained abstinent as long as their wives were virgins when they met.  Men fathered illegitimate children with other women, but his wife was supposed to be faithful to him - if she wasn't, their firstborn child (presumably a boy, poised to inherit the kingdom) might not be his, putting the kingdom/duchy/earldom/etc in jeopardy.  So no, historically, guys don't have to remain pure. Additionally, if you make ALL of the girls abstinent, the boys have no choice BUT to remain pure, because <strong>who are they going to do it with? </strong> I think the idea is more to keep the girls from giving into the boys' advances - after all, "boys will be boys" (yet another sexist view, I know). Finally, I don't actually HAVE the research citations to back up the figures I named above (I've just heard and read them in several places, including TV shows regarding sex education) so if anyone has hard proof of anything different, feel free to dispute me :)
Posted by DrPB2b13[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Animals, each other, and cougars, of course.

</div>

DrPB2b13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:351fe7e2-cce5-401b-8608-0776400b7c6c">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"? : Animals, each other, and cougars, of course.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

I don't think anyone's claiming it's an intelligent point of view :D

The good news is, to the best of our knowledge, animals don't spread STDs...

kelsey+brandon

I have never heard of a purity ball, but my mind went in the completely wrong direction. I was wondering why these girls where giving their father some fancy balls to signify them staying pure. Wow. I need help. Haha

eltar08

This whole thread makes me think of when they had this in Shameless...anyone see how that went awry?

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:cf0523e3-163e-46ad-aeb0-6f7bc692761d">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"? : I don't think anyone's claiming it's an intelligent point of view :D <strong>The good news is, to the best of our knowledge, animals don't spread STDs...</strong>
Posted by DrPB2b13[/QUOTE]

<div>Monkeys gave us aids, duh!  But I knew you weren't supporting that view, I was just being an arse. </div>

jaime10285

I agree that they are ridiculous/creepy for all the reasons PP cited.

Melissa603

If girls have to pledge to their fathers boys should have to pledge to their mothers. I think they are very outdated. It should be a personal choice and not something that should have to be declared publically with a formal party. Do we get a party when you lose your virginity if you don't go to the ball?

diamondx423

Whats the point of the "ball" exactly? To hold between their knees? I don't get it.

MMRoberts11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:b7406b55-824c-434f-9aba-7ef45fefdfb1">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]Whats the point of the "ball" exactly? To hold between their knees? I don't get it.
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]

My thoughts exactly.

Urchin9

I watched the same show today. My fiance and I were really put off by the whole thing.

I think it is sexist, no matter what way they tried to wrap it. Even the your girls on there couldn't really explain their way out of how sexist it was or how the whole "purity" thing was basically only referring to their virginity (they tried to say purity was the whole person, not just their sexuality).

Personally, I have had sex with my fiance. He's the only one I've been with, and I waited until I was 17 (closer to 18) before I had sex. This was a big deal for a girl coming from my school...lol

I think it's fabulous to wait to have sex, but I don't think it makes somone "un pure" to have sex before marriage. It's silly to me and sold to girls as important just to fufil certain men's desire to feel powerful because he was her "first."

As far as I'm concerned, they wrapped up the whole "you must be pure and a virgin" thing with the glamor and sparkle of a ball (dance) to appeal to young girls. Heck, at 13 if my parents said, "be pure and I'll throw you a huge party, allow you to wear a pretty dress and a crown and have whatever you want" I'd probably go for that too..lol

diamondx423

OH! Its a party!! I literally thought she gave her dad a baseball or something. So its like a Sweet Sixteen with a no-sex twist?

sweet_melissa81

There was a statistic that those who made purity pledges were more likely to practice unsafe sex, but for the life of me I can't remember the specific verbage.

I am going to have a very open and honest relationship with my kids about sex. I will preach abstinence, but I will be very frank with them about the truth of sex. I will not lie to my children (specifically my daughter) and say that I was a virgin when I was married. ( Especially since I'm going to be a 30 yo bride! Not that their is anything wrong with being a 30 year old virgin (I actually knew a few). ) I really wish my mom would have been honest with me about sex and not so afraid to tell me the truth. I was way too unprepared emotionally for the first time and I think if my mom would have been honest with me I would have made better choices.

The one thing that I like about the "purity ball" is that the fathers are playing active roles in their daughters lives which I think is extremely important. I think if my father would have actually been a caring dad a lot of things would have been different in regards to relationships I have had with guys. My fiance is the first person I have ever "seriously dated" that hasn't been abusive towards me. I think dads need to make their girls fall in love with them and be the kind of men that their girls should base all their standards of a great guy on.

Urchin9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:dfaeaa32-092a-41a2-a376-9acf0ac918bb">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]OH! Its a party!! I literally thought she gave her dad a baseball or something. So its like a Sweet Sixteen with a no-sex twist?
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]
Yah, it's like a big, fancy party where a girl pledges and signs a contract to her father to assure him she will not lose her virginity before marriage...

kristin183

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:dfaeaa32-092a-41a2-a376-9acf0ac918bb">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]OH! Its a party!! I literally thought she gave her dad a baseball or something. So its like a Sweet Sixteen with a no-sex twist?
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]


I thought the same thing! Creepy in my opinion.
I wouldn't to talk about sex with my Dad! gross!

daria24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:dfaeaa32-092a-41a2-a376-9acf0ac918bb">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]OH! Its a party!! I literally thought she gave her dad a baseball or something. So its like a Sweet Sixteen with a no-sex twist?
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]



Yes, it's like a debutante ball where the girls dress all in white and get escorted by their fathers,etc. and my understanding it's a bunch of girls at once, not each girl gets a purity ball like a sweet sixteen.

DrPB2b13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:aa881489-b35b-4804-bf53-b365b5932557">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am going to have a very open and honest relationship with my kids about sex.<strong> I will preach abstinence, but I will be very frank with them about the truth of sex.</strong> I will not lie to my children (specifically my daughter) and say that I was a virgin when I was married. ( Especially since I'm going to be a 30 yo bride! Not that their is anything wrong with being a 30 year old virgin (I actually knew a few). ) I really wish my mom would have been honest with me about sex and not so afraid to tell me the truth. I was way too unprepared emotionally for the first time and I think if my mom would have been honest with me I would have made better choices.
Posted by sweet_melissa81[/QUOTE]

I just wanted to say - kudos to you!  This is what my mother did with me, and at 19 I was able to make a deliberate and informed decision regarding sex with my then-boyfriend.  She even gave me anecdotes about some of her (mostly nameless) friends who did wait, and some who didn't - and the pros and cons they had each experienced.  She was a strong advocate for waiting, but wanted me to be able to make my own decision as to when I was ready, and to be safe regardless.

acaponi87

"Sexual purity"...I don't even know what that means.

To each their own, but I just remember being annoyed in high school with girls who had purity rings, who would brag about not having "sex", yet would suck off multiple guys a semester. It pisses me off when people act like people are whores for having sex. Why is it that 1 girl is a whore for sleeping with her boyfriend of several years but a girl who does everything but isn't?

I'm more prepared for marriage because of my sexual experiences. I hate when people act like sex is a bad thing. It's not. It's an important part of life and relationships. It should not be treated lightly but come on, some people need to get their heads out of their asses. 

MissAmeliaPond

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:351fe7e2-cce5-401b-8608-0776400b7c6c">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"? : Animals, each other, and cougars, of course.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

This is hilarious.

I also think purity balls are creepy like PP said. I would NEVER discuss my sex life with my father. Ew. I found glow in the dark condoms in my parents bathroom once when I was like 10 and that was horrifying enough. I'm emotionally scarred.

acaponi87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:7e2f5974-6a12-4e60-9e8f-6a47116cd703">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"? : This is hilarious. I also think purity balls are creepy like PP said. I would NEVER discuss my sex life with my father. Ew. I found glow in the dark condoms in my parents bathroom once when I was like 10 and that was horrifying enough. I'm emotionally scarred.
Posted by ashbear720[/QUOTE]

My mother & I never had a good relationship until I decided I would regret that if she died soon (she has some not good life-habits and a family history of dying young..horrible but true). She took it too far when she decided to start talking about her love life. My father is the only person she's slept with. Which is beautiful but you can tell that she wishes she would have waited awhile longer and experimiented a bit (they married at 22). WAY TOO MANY DETAILS. SCARRED FOR LIFE. I love my mother but I do not need to hear that. And their sexual issues. Ugh. Sex life would <u><strong>NEVER</strong></u> come up with my father. He knows it happens but it is not discussed. He has 3 daughters and no sons. Poor guy.

doeie04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:dfaeaa32-092a-41a2-a376-9acf0ac918bb">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]OH! Its a party!! I literally thought she gave her dad a baseball or something. So its like a Sweet Sixteen with a no-sex twist?
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]

HAHAHA. I just laughed so loud I scared FI. :) This is the best thing I have heard all day! It sounds like something I would say.

doeie04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:f9cf0b87-4e91-418c-bbaf-9ff8df242896">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]This whole thread makes me think of when they had this in Shameless...anyone see how that went awry?
Posted by eltar08[/QUOTE]

I think I saw that too. Purity Balls make me think of that scene, I think it was from that. It was horrible!!!! :(

doeie04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:351fe7e2-cce5-401b-8608-0776400b7c6c">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"? : Animals, each other, and cougars, of course.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

This makes me think of an article I read in high school (In my medical classes) about this guy that was doing his sheep and got really sick. The doctor was asking him questions with his wife there, and he basically had to fess up. Kinda funny if you ask me. He shouldn't have been doing his animals. YUCK!

eltar08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_just-curiouswhat-thoughts-purity-balls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2d960d22-2f51-42f4-9b9e-a636a4cdd3d1Post:ec8aa9a5-f7e0-47b5-85bc-b12935f93043">Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just Curious...What are your thoughts on "purity balls"? : I think I saw that too. Purity Balls make me think of that scene, I think it was from that. It was horrible!!!! :(
Posted by doeie04[/QUOTE]

It was the worst scene ever....hence why they backfire and are a bad idea.