So I just got a wedding invitation in the mail...

littleluckypenny

And it said Mr and Mrs HisName HisLast Name.

It kind of bugs me because (FI's friend is the groom) they never bothered to find out what my name is (I only met the guy once), assumed my name is Mrs Whatever (which it is NOT) and I'm not even married yet. 

Am I wrong to feel a bit irked by this?

daria24

As someone who is not changing her name, I anticipate many years of being irked at receiving things addressed to "Mr. & Mrs." 

littleluckypenny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_so-i-just-got-a-wedding-invitation-in-the-mail?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:3406277e-8172-4d54-b211-cd5cca6086a7Post:7fb4ba64-6679-4a38-9523-2ff8c1f32db0">Re: So I just got a wedding invitation in the mail...</a>:
[QUOTE]As someone who is not changing her name, I anticipate many years of being irked at receiving things addressed to "Mr. & Mrs." 
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

I'm not changing my name either.  And so it begins, huh?  lol

daria24

I got the timeline from my wedding planner and at 6:30pm she wrote "Mr. & Mrs. HIsLastName are married" and I emailed her back...you have to change that. I had to tell our cupcake baker not to make a "Mr." Cupcake and a "Mrs." Cupcake. It all began for me like a month ago!

MoonlightSilver

Like the e-board said, she was probably trying to be nice. FI and I are each taking each other's name, so my last name will be MyLast HisLast but I'd still love to get mail calling me Mrs. HisLast at this point. It's exciting! 

diamondx423

See I'm not thrilled about being Tara HisLastName but I'm more than OK with being addressed as Mr. & Mrs. HisFirst HisLastName because no matter what I decide to do with my name I will be his Mrs.

brittneyh4

As I posted on the e-board I didn't know what else to put, as I didn't know her that well and it was that or "and guest", which would've been rude, too. Luckily it didn't backfire on me.

I know it's becoming more common to keep your own name for whatever reason, but "traditionally", brides do take their groom's last name, so I think you're going to always run into this unforuntately. No one would have ill intentions, it's just the more common thing. I would just correct people in the future.

littleluckypenny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_so-i-just-got-a-wedding-invitation-in-the-mail?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:3406277e-8172-4d54-b211-cd5cca6086a7Post:a18707a0-ed0f-4bfc-a9fa-2712f9da9dbc">Re: So I just got a wedding invitation in the mail...</a>:
[QUOTE]As I posted on the e-board I didn't know what else to put, as I didn't know her that well and it was that or "and guest", which would've been rude, too. Luckily it didn't backfire on me. I know it's becoming more common to keep your own name for whatever reason, but "traditionally", brides do take their groom's last name, so I think you're going to always run into this unforuntately. No one would have ill intentions, it's just the more common thing. I would just correct people in the future.
Posted by brittneyh4[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I'm just going to write my name on the reply so they know what it is.

brittneyh4

"See I'm not thrilled about being Tara HisLastName but I'm more than OK with being addressed as Mr. & Mrs. HisFirst HisLastName because no matter what I decide to do with my name I will be his Mrs. "



(work won't let me quote) I think this is different from most people, I was surprised to see it. I've normally seen that people would rather be assumed the HisLastName socially and not Mrs. and Mrs HisFirst HisLastName because as a friend put it, you lose your entire identity and only get to be called Mrs.

How come you guys aren't taking the new last name? I've always wondered what makes people not want to (this is coming across in a weird tone I feel, but I'm genuinely curious).

littleluckypenny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_so-i-just-got-a-wedding-invitation-in-the-mail?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:3406277e-8172-4d54-b211-cd5cca6086a7Post:70af5040-eba4-4aa4-9687-0b59478a28af">Re: So I just got a wedding invitation in the mail...</a>:
[QUOTE]"See I'm not thrilled about being Tara HisLastName but I'm more than OK with being addressed as Mr. & Mrs. HisFirst HisLastName because no matter what I decide to do with my name I will be his Mrs. " (work won't let me quote) I think this is different from most people, I was surprised to see it. I've normally seen that people would rather be assumed the HisLastName socially and not Mrs. and Mrs HisFirst HisLastName because as a friend put it, you lose your entire identity and only get to be called Mrs. <strong>How come you guys aren't taking the new last name? I've always wondered what makes people not want to (this is coming across in a weird tone I feel, but I'm genuinely curious).</strong>
Posted by brittneyh4[/QUOTE]


Well, honestly, I never pictured my name to be anything different, married or not.  I didn't ever think I would be getting married.  I always thought I would end up as the crazy old lady at the end of the block that the neighborhood kids were afraid of.  haha 

I have however, always daydreamed winning awards and getting recognition in climbing corporate ladders as Littleluckypenny MyLastName since I was little.  It was always weird to me, even as a little kid, that women would change their last name if they got married.

Also, I happen to LOVE my last name.  Very few people have it and it speaks to my heritage as well.  And at the risk of sounding crazy, I like where it stands in the alphabet.  :) 

daria24

For me, I have a LOT of reasons I'm not changing it. Professionally it would be disastrous, from a feminist stand point I don't agree with automatically changing my name to the man's name. I am not having children so I don't have that whole reason for having a "family" name. I told FI I would consider hyphenating if he did as well, his reply was "why should I change my name?" which is the same reaction I have. And mostly I think it's ridiculous that as a society we have different titles for whether a woman is married or single, but men only have one.

abunger

No, I don't think you are wrong to feel irked by this - I'd be annoyed as hell.  People shouldn't assume every woman will change her name anymore. 

I'm not changing either.  Professionally, it could be damaging.  Personally, I don't feel that I want to or should have to give up my name.  FI keeps joking that he'll be Mr. Dr. Bunger (my last name)

kristin183

We got a wedding invite in the mail for a wedding we went to in May; they put Tyler and Kristin HisLastName and also put it on the escort card. I LOVED it! I did the same when we sent their invite (as they were not married when we mailed our invites)

I wouldn't take it to personal; a good amount of girls do change their names and are excited to do so. I really think she did it to be nice not spiteful.

But I could see why you would be annoyed especially if you do not plan on changing you name.

melfacto

I got an invitation like this and I was thrilled! Loved seeing it But completely understand why you would be upset. The invite we got like this was from close friends who know I am excited to change my name.. like PP have said you will be dealing with this probably all your married life..