How should I ask another bridesmaid this late??

RKPugs

So my FI's friend was supposed to be one of our bridesmaids.  She just told us she's pregnant and due 5 days after the wedding. We mutually agreed that travelling and being in the wedding would be too much that late in her pregnancy. I'm bummed that she can't be in it but I'm happy I have an open spot to ask a close friend of mine. How do I ask her without insulting her? I don't want her to think she's my second choice?

gregamywedding

That is hard, but I am sure if you are just honest with her she will understand and not be insulted. I personally would just be honored.

kelsey+brandon

How long ago was it since you asked your last BM? 

I think if it's been awhile, you should just leave you bridal party be. Whether you feel this way or now, this close friend is your second choice and you would be replacing the other bridesmaid who you are still on very good terms with.

The sides not being even isn't the end of the world. I had a BM drop out in early December, so now I'll have 7 bridesmaids and FI has 8 groomsmen. It's not a big deal.

chelseakopperud

I dont think it is possible to ask her and have her not know she is second choice, since she is second choice..... If a friend of mine asked me this late I wouldn't mind at all, but some people are more sensative than others. I guess if I was in the situation I wouldn't fill the spot.

MichelleAG05

My now-SIL asked me to be a late bridesmaid.  I was offended and really wanted to say "HECK NO" but didn't think that was a good way to welcome her into the family.

She didn't have anyone drop out - just decided 2 months before the wedding that she should have asked me and hadn't.  My brother ended up paying for my bridesmaid dress and the rush order because he felt bad.

Ash61612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_should-ask-another-bridesmaid-this-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:37c9f7c9-77b8-465c-aac1-0722a210c54dPost:0e1863a6-4b30-4aef-88a9-89b1332b74c4">Re: How should I ask another bridesmaid this late??</a>:
[QUOTE]How long ago was it since you asked your last BM?  I think if it's been awhile, you should just leave you bridal party be. <strong>Whether you feel this way or now, this close friend is your second choice and you would be replacing the other bridesmaid who you are still on very good terms with.</strong> The sides not being even isn't the end of the world. I had a BM drop out in early December, so now I'll have 7 bridesmaids and FI has 8 groomsmen. It's not a big deal.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]
agree. Even though you are coming from a good place and have the best intentions, she may feel that she is replacement, because essentially, that is what she is.

DodgersBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_should-ask-another-bridesmaid-this-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:37c9f7c9-77b8-465c-aac1-0722a210c54dPost:0e1863a6-4b30-4aef-88a9-89b1332b74c4">Re: How should I ask another bridesmaid this late??</a>:
[QUOTE]How long ago was it since you asked your last BM?  I think if it's been awhile, you should just leave you bridal party be. Whether you feel this way or now, <strong>this close friend is your second choice and you would be replacing the other bridesmaid who you are still on very good terms with. The sides not being even isn't the end of the world.</strong>I had a BM drop out in early December, so now I'll have 7 bridesmaids and FI has 8 groomsmen. It's not a big deal.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

I totally agree. I would not ask her to be a BM. I would just go ahead with my current WP.

SoSaysTara

I think you have to know your friend.  Only you can know how she will react to this.

Most of my close friends would just be happy to be ask and want me to be honest with them.

julianahenao881

I agree with everyone else, she is going to think she is ur 2nd choice.

MMRoberts11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_should-ask-another-bridesmaid-this-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:37c9f7c9-77b8-465c-aac1-0722a210c54dPost:04fe461e-b221-4210-8a8a-ec810f350801">Re: How should I ask another bridesmaid this late??</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont think it is possible to ask her and have her not know she is second choice, since she is second choice..... If a friend of mine asked me this late I wouldn't mind at all, but some people are more sensative than others. I guess if I was in the situation I wouldn't fill the spot.
Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

This.  You know her better than any of us do and if you think she will react fine with it go ahead.  Only you will know if she'll take it as a compliment or not.

Danidawn20

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_should-ask-another-bridesmaid-this-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:37c9f7c9-77b8-465c-aac1-0722a210c54dPost:f7dd9e00-cb0b-4cb7-a712-7286e256bd98">Re: How should I ask another bridesmaid this late??</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you have to know your friend.  Only you can know how she will react to this. Most of my close friends would just be happy to be ask and want me to be honest with them.
Posted by SoSaysTara[/QUOTE]

This, you know your friend better than we do, so only you would know how she would react

RKPugs

I'm not asking whether or not to ask her. I'm going to ask her- she was my first choice all along but FI really wanted his friend in it. I'm asking on suggestions on what to say. Thanks!

chelseakopperud

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_should-ask-another-bridesmaid-this-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:37c9f7c9-77b8-465c-aac1-0722a210c54dPost:571b1ec4-53ef-4147-ac28-fc2eadfd43a8">Re: How should I ask another bridesmaid this late??</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not asking whether or not to ask her. I'm going to ask her- she was my first choice all along but FI really wanted his friend in it. I'm asking on suggestions on what to say. Thanks!
Posted by RKPugs[/QUOTE]

Just tell her the truth- explain the situation.

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_should-ask-another-bridesmaid-this-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:37c9f7c9-77b8-465c-aac1-0722a210c54dPost:0e1863a6-4b30-4aef-88a9-89b1332b74c4">Re: How should I ask another bridesmaid this late??</a>:
[QUOTE]The sides not being even isn't the end of the world. 
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

<div>This.  This is borderline B listing to me.  I'd hate to be that friend.  It "seems" nice but at the end of the day, they will feel last picked in dodgeball. And preggly friend will feel replacable. </div><div>
</div><div>
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midgetthemighty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_should-ask-another-bridesmaid-this-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:37c9f7c9-77b8-465c-aac1-0722a210c54dPost:f91b2d1e-8285-424d-9f70-6bcfae03b6d8">Re: How should I ask another bridesmaid this late??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How should I ask another bridesmaid this late?? : This.  This is borderline B listing to me.  I'd hate to be that friend.  It "seems" nice but at the end of the day, they will feel last picked in dodgeball. And preggly friend will feel replacable. 
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

True facts.

Plus, your FI could have asked her to be on his side and you could have asked this other friend to be on your side. Or both could have been there because "uneven sides are not the end of the world."

Danidawn20

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_should-ask-another-bridesmaid-this-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:37c9f7c9-77b8-465c-aac1-0722a210c54dPost:571b1ec4-53ef-4147-ac28-fc2eadfd43a8">Re: How should I ask another bridesmaid this late??</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not asking whether or not to ask her. I'm going to ask her- she was my first choice all along but FI really wanted his friend in it. I'm asking on suggestions on what to say. Thanks!
Posted by RKPugs[/QUOTE]

 Oh, I was confused by the question. In that case, then I would just explain the situation to her when you ask.

DodgersBride

What I don't understand is if you really wanted her to be in the WP she should have been all along. I would feel like I am a place holder if I were to be asked now after the rest of the WP was asked and especially since you are now down a person.

midgedenver

I had this happen a few months ago and when I asked my friend to fill in the spot. She was honored that I asked and had no problems being the "second choice. I did tell her upfront what happened (another mutual decision with a bridesmaid) which she said she appreciated knowing instead of hiding it or avoiding telling her.

I would just approach her honestly.

tania0930

I asked a BM late.  She's my childhood best friend and my brother's now girlfriend (a lil weird but not bad).  My brother was concerned that if I asked her she'd feel like an after thought.  I asked anyways because in my view, I want the people standing up with me that I cannot imagine NOT standing up with me, and she is one of those.  I explained my delay to her honestly, and she was SO honored and excited to be asked at all.  And we DEFINITELY have the type of relationship where we're very honest so she could have and would have told me if she was hurt.  I know that each and every person is different, but when you're just honest about everything, things seem to work out well   Good luck and let us know how she responds!!

kathleenkmm

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid late. One of my sorority sisters went off the deep end and ended up getting kicked out of our house.  My roommate kicked her out of her wedding and asked me to fill in. I was happy to be asked and didn't mind being a "second."

RKPugs

Thanks to everyone that answered my question! I asked her tonight and she's thrilled! I was just honest with her and she understood.