Bridesmaids Dresses-opinions needed as well as vent

sweetcanadian1979

Ok here is my dilema, i know now a days most people go for different styles but i REALLY do not want that, 2 of the 4 i have chosen for bridesmaids are not fussy, the other 2 are. 1 asked for one that minimizes her chest and does NOT show her back at all as she has some ugly scarring. I can do that but.............. here it is, she described what she wants and it is a complete winter look with bell sleeves, NOT what i would have on ANY of my bridesmaids never mind them all. She doesn't seem to be willing to look at very much and everything i love she hates. How does one find a style in that? We live an hour from the stores and i am presently not working so gas is not easy or cheap for me (much more expensive in canada than in the us)

Please do not tell me i am over reacting, trust me, not the case, i am extremely lenient on everything else including things i am paying for. it is the ONLY thing i care about when it comes to my bridesmaids

kelsey+brandon

I don't think you're over reacting AT ALL!!!

It is your wedding...and the one requirement that your bridesmaids have is to buy the dress that YOU tell them too. It's nice that you're taking their preferences in mind, but at the end of the day it's your wedding, your pictures and you get to choose. 

Try not to stress and just stop discussing dresses with her. When you decide on one, just email all your bridesmaids to tell them that you've chosen what dress they're going to wear and this if where they can get it. The only thing that you really do have to keep into consideration when it comes to their dresses is the price.

sweetcanadian1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridesmaids-dresses-opinions-needed-well-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:44bff3e1-3ed5-4023-adba-819aa7498727Post:fb856141-f182-4d65-b90f-970498d03748">Re: Bridesmaids Dresses-opinions needed as well as vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you're over reacting AT ALL!!! It is your wedding...and the one requirement that your bridesmaids have is to buy the dress that YOU tell them too. It's nice that you're taking their preferences in mind, but at the end of the day it's your wedding, your pictures and you get to choose.  Try not to stress and just stop discussing dresses with her. When you decide on one, just email all your bridesmaids to tell them that you've chosen what dress they're going to wear and this if where they can get it. <strong>The only thing that you really do have to keep into consideration when it comes to their dresses is the price.</strong>
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

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</div><div>thanks i feel a bit better, unfortunately i do have to take her into consideration big time because of the scarring on her back but......... that is what a wrap is for. I don't think she sees my vision so it is stressing me out. I told her we have to go look soon because it is the only major thing left i need to do (find styles, not buy yet) and with my ocd i won't relax till i know what works. I know they won't be buying for about 9 more months but i still need to get it narrowed down now for pom. </div><div>
Wraps can do wonders and are cheap so i will take her to the store and show her lol. Her exact words were "i know it is your big day but i will NOT wear something i am not comfortable in" i am not stressing so bad right now but i am not happy still, i would not get something ugly at all or uncomfortable, and it can't all be about her, it has to be them all together. </div>

midgetthemighty

I just became a little more thankful for my group of girls. We haven't gone shopping yet, but none of them have made any outlandish requests like this. Mostly they've been fine with anything I've shown them as preliminary ideas and willing to accomodate the dress I pick out.

You're not overreacting. You are taking her concerns into consideration and she seems to be a little unappreciative of your efforts. There are other girls in the wedding with needs also (which is for her, not you...I know you know that). The bridemaid dress decision does not revolve around her solely.

I would pick out the dress that matches your style and covers her scars and inform all of the girls where they can buy it and when they have to order it by. If she doesn't want the dress, then unfortunately she has taken herself out of the party. I don't think this will happen. I think most people would see this possibility and get over the things they don't like about the dress quickly in order to stay in the WP.

Good luck.

Amynutrition

Could she wear a matching jacket/bolero to cover her back and arms? Then the dresses are the same but she is a little more covered up top.

michellep1

I agree with PPs, your bridesmaid is being a bit unreasonable.  It's fine for her to ask for something that covers her back, but pinpointing an exact style that isn't really in line with your vision is sort of crossing the line a bit.  I'd do exactly as others have suggested; pick out a dress that you like and the majority of your bridesmaids agree on, then suggest a wrap or another way to cover up for the bridesmaid in question if the dress you pick doesn't cover her back sufficiently.  Good luck!

SSaltzman87

What your BM is asking for in itself is NOT unreasonable, but perhaps the way she's going about it is. I completely get that she doesn't want a dress that shows her scars, my best friend doesn't really like to wear lower cut tops because she has a long scar going down her chest from open heart surgery. I do think you need to take her concerns seriously, because it sounds like an incredibly sensitive subject for her.

This is one of those sticky situations where there really isn't a good way to go about it where you don't come off looking like a jerk. All you can really do is either keep looking for dresses that meet her requests, or those that would still look cute with a shrug or bolero. At the end of the day, she should be comfortable in what she's wearing and you should aim for that.

diamondx423

Here are some options I found looking really fast that will cover the BMs back and do not have bell sleeves

http://www.billlevkoff.com/style/bridesmaid-dress/570

http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=0177bb66-28ac-4afe-a30a-cf3b844cb7cc&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=

http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=ae191d32-6086-41dd-bc7c-8576b77e1c4c&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=

myfeverplays

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridesmaids-dresses-opinions-needed-well-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:44bff3e1-3ed5-4023-adba-819aa7498727Post:b8df7710-8c88-4901-8e0f-f35918b6cf84">Re: Bridesmaids Dresses-opinions needed as well as vent</a>:
[QUOTE]<a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=ae191d32-6086-41dd-bc7c-8576b77e1c4c&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=">http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/productdisplay.aspx?productID=ae191d32-6086-41dd-bc7c-8576b77e1c4c&categoryID=772f03c9-de43-4942-bfa0-da77e21ebd65&pg=0&colorId1=</a> [/QUOTE]

This is the bridesmaid dress my girls are wearing! :) We just havent settled on a color yet. I love it. It really does cover the back completely and its flowy and gorgeous :) On the dress that my girls tried on there was a circle cut out on the top of the back underneath the clasps but it didnt show much.

sweetcanadian1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridesmaids-dresses-opinions-needed-well-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:44bff3e1-3ed5-4023-adba-819aa7498727Post:8a8f835f-e359-41aa-94c9-50d36b4a3ef7">Re: Bridesmaids Dresses-opinions needed as well as vent</a>:
[QUOTE]What your BM is asking for in itself is NOT unreasonable, but perhaps the way she's going about it is. I completely get that she doesn't want a dress that shows her scars, my best friend doesn't really like to wear lower cut tops because she has a long scar going down her chest from open heart surgery. I do think you need to take her concerns seriously, because it sounds like an incredibly sensitive subject for her. This is one of those sticky situations where there really isn't a good way to go about it where you don't come off looking like a jerk. All you can really do is either keep looking for dresses that meet her requests, or those that would still look cute with a shrug or bolero. At the end of the day, she should be comfortable in what she's wearing and you should aim for that.
Posted by SSaltzman87[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Thank you but i did say i AM considerate of her situation but....... that there are ways to do it without having to have a full covered winter looking dress. I told her wraps would go good for ceremony & pics and she could wear a sweater later if need be. I really am not being unreasonable in what i am looking for.</div><div>
</div><div>Diamond those 2 alfred angelo dresses are EXACTLY what i want but she said no, that she is not comfortable wearing them even though they FULLY cover her back where the scarring is. I don't know how i could be any more accomodating. I specifically said to her that she asked for 2 things and i got styles that would work and it is STILL not good enough. She wants to be COMPLETELY covered up with bell sleeves and i am NOT ok with that, i do not want my girls looking like that. It is a spring/summer wedding and i want the reflection of that. I see nothing wrong with those 2 dresses, ugh. 

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sweetcanadian1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridesmaids-dresses-opinions-needed-well-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:44bff3e1-3ed5-4023-adba-819aa7498727Post:8b820276-2b88-4bde-a227-7b10b4747272">Re: Bridesmaids Dresses-opinions needed as well as vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I just became a little more thankful for my group of girls. We haven't gone shopping yet, but none of them have made any outlandish requests like this. Mostly they've been fine with anything I've shown them as preliminary ideas and willing to accomodate the dress I pick out. You're not overreacting. You are taking her concerns into consideration and she seems to be a little unappreciative of your efforts. There are other girls in the wedding with needs also (which is for her, not you...I know you know that). The bridemaid dress decision does not revolve around her solely. I would pick out the dress that matches your style and covers her scars and inform all of the girls where they can buy it and when they have to order it by.<strong> If she doesn't want the dress, then unfortunately she has taken herself out of the party. I don't think this will happen</strong>. I think most people would see this possibility and get over the things they don't like about the dress quickly in order to stay in the WP. Good luck. :)
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That is exactly what will happen, if i do not go with exactly what SHE decides for everyone then she will drop out. She doesn't care that i am trying my best to accomodate everyone and in doing so take her worries very seriously and found styles that have her concerns in mind, not good enough for her

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