Sister won't go to Bach. Party without husband * VENT*

futuremrsbecerra

I was just informed by my middle sister that my oldest sister is bringing her husband to my bach. party which is next weekend. What the hell is the point of a bach. party if a guy is there? I think it is bc her husband won't let her go if he doesn't go ( he is like that on a day to day basis about everything even if she runs to the grocery store- he has to go there with her). I brought this up to my FI bc it pissed me off and he was really pissed that he is going. My FI said it's MY weekend and no guy should be there. I AGREE!!! He wanted to confront him but my middle sister said that she is going to try to handle it but if it doesn't change I'm def. going to have to stand up and say something. WHAT THE HELL!!!! I swear my bach. party has been more stressful then playing this wedding bc my oldest sister has to have an opinion about everything regarding my bach. party since the bach. party has been brought up. But she won't say any of it to me or any concerns she has to my face. I always hear it from a third party!!!

Megbo2012

Sorry Sister, but my bachelor party will be women only, no exceptions.  I'm sorry if that means you cannot make it, we will miss you!!

MoonlightSilver

As annoying as that is, I think you have bigger problems if your oldest sister isn't allowed to go anywhere- not even the grocery store- without her husband. That sounds like an unhealthy relationship. 

psuxdoll

Give him a big pen!s straw and party on!  If you make it girlie enough maybe he'll get the point and exit early!

midgetthemighty

I agree with Meg and Moon. Why would he even want to go to a bachelorette party unless he was just that controlling?

Danidawn20

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sister-wont-go-to-bach-party-without-husband-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:45e34ffe-047a-4807-8ad6-95d42a898cfcPost:3d635103-537e-4384-bbc6-b7858f396bd8">Re: Sister won't go to Bach. Party without husband * VENT*</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with Meg and Moon. Why would he even want to go to a bachelorette party unless he was just that controlling?
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]
 I agree withthis, something doesn't sem right. How controlngis he?

Megbo2012

Oh, they definitely have problems.  But I wouldn't want to get into that right now with them.  I feel like there's not much you can do for her that won't cause issues.  They need to go to a therapist or something. 

LiveLaughLove04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sister-wont-go-to-bach-party-without-husband-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:45e34ffe-047a-4807-8ad6-95d42a898cfcPost:3d635103-537e-4384-bbc6-b7858f396bd8">Re: Sister won't go to Bach. Party without husband * VENT*</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with Meg and Moon. Why would he even want to go to a bachelorette party unless he was just that controlling?
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]
My thoughts exactly.  I would say just what Meg did and leave it at that for now.

daria24

Ditto everyone else. Obviously they have major relationships issues and I normally argue to not try to exacerbate the problem. But in this instance, its a girl-only event. If she doesn't have the balls to leave him at home, she can stay home with him. You don't need to deal with their bullshizz at your b-party.

michellep1

This is abusive behavior.  If he hasn't already hit her, I'm betting he will soon.  My sister dated a guy that got mad at her for going to a co-ed gym (there was no other option at her college), and sure enough, after they broke up we found out he pushed her around a little. 
Is your sister unhappy?  You need to be there for her and maybe get your other sister together with her and explain your concerns.  It's so important not to judge in this type of situation because that reinforces in the abused woman's head that she isn't smart/pretty/whatever enough and makes her feel like she deserves the abuse.

I'm sorry that this is happening about your bachelorette party, it doesn't seem like your sister will go though if you lay down an ultimatum like that.  Maybe you can find another fun thing to do with just your sisters so that she can come?  Maybe a wine tasting or something?  Good luck, I hope this all works out for the best.

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sister-wont-go-to-bach-party-without-husband-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:45e34ffe-047a-4807-8ad6-95d42a898cfcPost:2895ef74-5a3d-4c02-a0e7-c5cad7bf1d3d">Re: Sister won't go to Bach. Party without husband * VENT*</a>:
[QUOTE]As annoying as that is, I think you have bigger problems if your oldest sister isn't allowed to go anywhere- not even the grocery store- without her husband. That sounds like an unhealthy relationship. 
Posted by MoonlightSilver[/QUOTE]

Yeah this is what I was thinking.  You shouldn't be concerned about the party. You should be concerned for your sister who sounds like she could be in an abusive relationship

AbeandCarrie

Your description of the situation raises some huge red flags or me.  Your sister is an adult and capable of going places on her own.  I would be concerned as PP have mentioned of abuse. 

As for as a resolution for the situation, you need to decide what is more important, having your sister there or having a girls-only bachelorette. 

Danidawn20

This situation raises a lot of red flags to me. Just like the PPs said, this sounds like abusive behavoir. I think someone needs to talk to your sister and her husband. I tihnk right now, it would be best to either expliain to him that your party is an all girls event, and leave it at that. My thought is if he hasn't started to hit your sister, he might, and right now her safety is more important than your party (sorry to say that, but it is what I think)

Ash61612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sister-wont-go-to-bach-party-without-husband-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:45e34ffe-047a-4807-8ad6-95d42a898cfcPost:2895ef74-5a3d-4c02-a0e7-c5cad7bf1d3d">Re: Sister won't go to Bach. Party without husband * VENT*</a>:
[QUOTE]As annoying as that is, I think you have bigger problems if your oldest sister isn't allowed to go anywhere- not even the grocery store- without her husband. That sounds like an unhealthy relationship. 
Posted by MoonlightSilver[/QUOTE]

I agree with this and what Meg said

michelletobin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sister-wont-go-to-bach-party-without-husband-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:45e34ffe-047a-4807-8ad6-95d42a898cfcPost:2895ef74-5a3d-4c02-a0e7-c5cad7bf1d3d">Re: Sister won't go to Bach. Party without husband * VENT*</a>:
[QUOTE]As annoying as that is, I think you have bigger problems if your oldest sister isn't allowed to go anywhere- not even the grocery store- without her husband. That sounds like an unhealthy relationship. 
Posted by MoonlightSilver[/QUOTE]

I agree with this exactly, something very concerning going on there. If she can't go without him then I guess she won't be going. May sound bad but this is YOUR night.

travistanya

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sister-wont-go-to-bach-party-without-husband-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:45e34ffe-047a-4807-8ad6-95d42a898cfcPost:2895ef74-5a3d-4c02-a0e7-c5cad7bf1d3d">Re: Sister won't go to Bach. Party without husband * VENT*</a>:
[QUOTE]As annoying as that is, I think you have bigger problems if your oldest sister isn't allowed to go anywhere- not even the grocery store- without her husband. That sounds like an unhealthy relationship. 
Posted by MoonlightSilver[/QUOTE]

THIS!

SoSaysTara

I agree with the PPs who say "girls only, please join me without your husband or stay home."

Regarding the relationship, ladies, please realize that not every controlling emotionally abusive man is physically abusive.  I think that by saying that he will be physically abusive in the future, you are minimizing the importance of the fact that it is ALREADY abusive emtionally.  That is BAD ENOUGH and no one should deal with that.  I have been through an emotionally abusive relationship that never turned physically abusive.  I have been in a relationship that started to turn physically abusive that had little to no emotionally abusive components.  The emotional abuse was SO much worse, and so many people in our society ignore and minimize how terrible it is to control someone and reduce their self esteem to nothing!

MMRoberts11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sister-wont-go-to-bach-party-without-husband-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:45e34ffe-047a-4807-8ad6-95d42a898cfcPost:3d635103-537e-4384-bbc6-b7858f396bd8">Re: Sister won't go to Bach. Party without husband * VENT*</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with Meg and Moon. Why would he even want to go to a bachelorette party unless he was just that controlling?
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

Agreed.  That's a HUGE red flag.

PopPow

I'm doing a girls weekend at a hotel the weekend before the wedding. This is not my bachelorette party but a yearly get together of about 8 good friends.  I am splitting my room with a friend. We are having a separate "party suite". My friend had the nerve to ask if she could bring her DH and he will stay in our room while we are in the party suite. Um hello? No, 1) this is a girls weekend 2)I don't want to share a hotel with a guy, her husband or not, without FI there.