Upset with future father in law...(vent)

aneubaue

So last night I had my FI call his father as we were still waiting on his (and his wife's) response along with all of his step-kids RSVPs.  I want to get the head count to the caterers today, so FI called his Dad and asked if they would be making it to the reception (along with his step-siblings).  Here is the response he got (and where my anger/vent starts): 

   " I don't think any of us will make it to the reception because it is going to be a lot of your mom's family and not so much of mine.  That family is in the past and that is where I would like to keep it"  then he continued with "Amanda's (me) family is just too rich for us and we really don't think we would fit in or what we would bring."  Now neither of us expect or care if they bring anything just show up!!   But don't throw the fact that my family has money management skills (by no means are we rich) as an excuse as to why you are not going to attend your own son's wedding reception.  What makes it worse is that he has attended all of his step-kids weddings and receptions, but will only attend his own son's wedding ceremony (and that still isn't a 100% definite).  I know FI is pretty disappointed/bummed by all of this but neither of us know what to do about this and honestly would just prefer to say screw you too...and see if we come to anything you ask us to attend any more, but I know I should be the bigger person.

Again sorry for the long rant but I just needed to get that all off my chest!  

diamondx423

Wow, that is really crappy. I'm sorry.

midgetthemighty

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. That's horrible.

Could you maybe promise him that they'd be seated nowhere near his exes family and remind them that all you both want is them there?

[Deleted User]

I feel for your FI. That is horrible. At least him the step mom should come. Just make an appearance. Fresh. He must be crushed. My one brother is not coming because of his wife, whom the rest of the family does not get along with. He wants me to invite her, but I told him "no I am not inviting her. She does not like me, your parents or your brother his wife so why in the world would I want her at my wedding. Plus she would probably make a scene." My poor brother has a miserable marriage tells us all the things she has done to him. If we weren't informed of this maybe I would have considered it. I just hope my brother comes to church at least it would mean a lot to me if he did that. If not oh well. He made his choice. To think, I would have thought blood was thicker than water ..

futuremrsbecerra

I had the same problem with my FI dad. From the moment we got engaged, my FI's siblings have said that his dad would not come to the wedding so don't expect it. His parents are divorced and are not on good terms. i personally wanted to prove everyone wrong that his dad would come so i kept pressuring my FI to call him before invites went out to explain how important this day is to him and that he would be very upset if he decided not to come. Just like your FI's dad, my FI's dad goes to all his wife's kids weddings, bday parties etc but doesn't do anything on my FI's side. So long story short, my FI called his dad up ( and they are VERY close) and gave him this long lecture that if he didn't come he would never want a relationship with him ever again. I know a little dramatic but you have to be with him or he would just think that it's not a big deal.

A couple weeks ago, we got his RSVP card in the mail saying he was coming. Even though it's not the wedding yet and he could bail at the last minute, i think his dad got the point that if he wanted to have a relationship with his son in the future he would have to come to the wedding. We even said to him that if he would just come to the ceremony part not the reception we would be estatic bc that is the most important part of the day's events.

My advice is to tell your FI to have a serious sit down ( or if he lives far away have a serious phone call) and explain all his (FI's) feelings about him not coming. Tell him that this would mean the world to him to be there on the best day of his life. Your FI needs to be straight up honest to his dad about his feelings. i know guys are a little hard to express feelings but this is not just a bday party invite, it is HIS wedding.

Danidawn20

I'm really sorry. I agree with Midge- ask i there is something you can do to put them at ease.

LiveLaughLove04

I'm really sorry, that's so crappy.

slice85

That stinks!  Hopefully he will realize he needs to show up!

FI's parents were divorced 10 years ago and there is still drama between his mom and step-mom. We're seating them at separate tables on opposite sides of the room. Everyone has been told that they need to suck it up and act like adults for one day because it's not about them.  If they are unwilling/unable to do so then they don't need to be there.

julianahenao881

wow I'm sorry...he really just needs to be there for his son and not care about anything else.

Kfudge0714

WOW! that is just terrible. Its going to be FFIL's loss.

AbeandCarrie

This really sucks!  It really makes me appreciate my family situation.  My parents have been divorced almost 15 years now but have always gotten along really well.  My mom is actually really excited because she hasn't seen most of my dad's family in over 10 years and she really misses them!

amandaf6383

I'm sorry! That's so unfair. I hate when the parents act like children. I hope everything gets worked out!!

Ash61612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_upset-with-future-father-in-lawvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:482a2b34-f31e-4b27-afe5-613b0a328d3dPost:5d2920f8-691a-4ab3-8444-ab35fbc2fcd9">Re: Upset with future father in law...(vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]wow I'm sorry...he really just needs to be there for his son and not care about anything else.
Posted by julianahenao881[/QUOTE]

agree

jfellows82

That's so sad!  I'm so sorry for your FI.

brittneyh4

I almost ran into this issue with my own father. He has maintained an okay relationship with my mom's family and they're all civil with him (my mom cheated, so he didn't "do her wrong" so to speak). He was in the family for 27 years and is still considered as such, but crazy step mom doesn't like them (the feeling is mutual). I told my Dad if they couldn't suck it up for such an important day, to consider our relationship seriously skewed.

It's your wedding day, and people can't put on fake smiles and be civil for the sake of it? I'd be so upset, and I feel bad for your FI. I'm with Midge, if you're able to accommodate them I would try, but I'm pretty confrontational so I would just call people out (probably not a good idea though).

Carebear62584

We've had a similar situation.  FI is still close with his dad, but a few months ago he and his dad had major beef.  Basically his dad said he couldn't be anywhere near his mom (to even come over to our house for birthday cake at the same time).  FI told both of them that they need to get used to it and be civil towards each other because we aren't always going to run around like crazy just to make things equal such as holidays (especially when we have kids).  He told them that whatever happened with them was almost 30 years ago and they both need to get over it.  His mom doesn't like his dad but she stays civil just as she should.

Anyways, they also argued about money and basically FI told me that if he contributes more to his step-sons wedding (when he eventually gets married) than ours then he will not talk to his father again.  Not that we expect money, but the way that his dad worded was that if he wants something then he has to pay for it on his own.  Mind you, his stepson has also lived with him for 13ish years and so he basically raised him.  Whereas his dad won't even pay for our breakfast when the whole family goes.  His father treats his stepbrother as more of a son than his own son (but likes to take the credit for him).  Sounds pretty similar to your situation.

edw7479

In Response to Re:Upset with future father in law...vent:[QUOTE]I feel for your FI. That is horrible. At least him the step mom should come. Just make an appearance. Fresh. He must be crushed.
My one brother is not coming because of his wife, whom the rest of the family does not get along with. He wants me to invite her, but I told him "no I am not inviting her. She does not like me, your parents or your brother his wife so why in the world would I want her at my wedding. Plus she would probably make a scene."
My poor brother has a miserable marriage tells us all the things she has done to him. If we weren't informed of this maybe I would have considered it.
I just hope my brother comes to church at least it would mean a lot to me if he did that. If not oh well. He made his choice. To think, I would have thought blood was thicker than water .. Posted by Qzees[/QUOTE]



Hahahaha, you didn't invite his wife?! SMH