disturbed and have to share *super long ramble*

sweet_melissa81

I am nervous, but I have to share this with you all because in my mind I can't sort this out.

My fiance and I wanted to go out for the lions game last night and my fiance's friend was going out with his coworkers to watch the game, so he asked us if we wanted to come with. He warned my fiance that I might be the only girl which made me mull over the decision of whether or not I should go, but my fiance said he really didn't mind and that he wanted me to go since I was going to be starting school next monday and knew that I really wanted to get out of the house. So, I went with.

We were having a great time. Everyone was joking around and we had a little drinking game going during the game. Then this girl who I've seen on FB before and have asked my fiance about because some of the messages that I've seen between her and his friend were a little odd. Like very flirtatious and bordering on inapropriate. (his friend is married and we hang out with his and his wife a lot) this girl works in the same line of business as him and his friends and he told me that everyone thinks she's hot and that she plays on fiance's friends softball team, but it's all jokes.

Well, everyone that we were hanging out with last night were all married except for one guy. The whole atmosphere changed when this girl came with her friend and sat at the table, but I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, so we were chatting a little bit and she seemed nice enough and her friend seemed friendly enough. Then her friend decides to take off right after the game and this girl decided she would stay and party. Her interactions with these married guys were inapropriate... it was nothing blatant, but let's just call it women's intuition. I'm 30 years old and I know that doesn't meant anything, but I feel like I'm good at spotting certain things in other woman than I did in my early twenties. You just know it when you know it. Do you know what I mean. 

So, I'm just telling myself that she's just flirty and likes attention and trying to be nice, but feeling weird. 

Anyway, at some point towards the end of the night two of the married guys drag her to the "dance floor" and there is a high wall where the dance floor is, so you can't see the dance floor from where we were all sitting. No one was dancing on the dance floor when I went over there earlier, so it just seemed weird, but there were two guys there, so It can't be anything too crazy right? I mean it's not like one of them are alone with her.  

Well, one the guys comes back and we all decide it's time to leave, it's almost 2 am by this point. We go to tell the guy who is hanging out with this girl that were taking off and he is at the bar with her drinking and they looked a little cozy. It just seemed weird to me.

Later, when we got home I asked my fiance, do you think she would ever sleep with one of the married guys or vice versa. He laughs and says no... he things I'm just being pessimistic and thinking bad things.

Well, my fiance's friend got a call from this guys wife this morning while he was church asking if she knew where her husband was. This was the guys who getting all cozy with this girl. I guess he never came home. I don't want to speculate, but if it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck...

This really bothers me for a number of reasons. My fiance rarely hangs out with this group of guys very often,  but he does have to interact with this girl quite often because she works for a big company that his clients do business with. I'm trying to keep things discreet and not give out any indentifying info.

I  need to let it go, but wouldn't this bug you? I'm not insecure about our relationship and trust him, but it just seems so bizare to me why this girl would spend so much time around these married men? I wish fiance wouldn't always turn such a blind eye to things. I understand it's a guy thing, but it just bugs me. I had to tell someone and thanks for reading this if you were able to make it all the way through

diamondx423

I hate trashy girls. And the moron guys that go for it.

To answer your question, that would bother the crap out of me.

DrPB2b13

Yes, it would bother me.  However, a) you don't know for certain if this guy decided to sleep with the girl; b) even if this girl chooses to act inappropriately, that's her decision; and c) if he DID go home (or wherever) with the girl, that's his poor life choice and ultimately, I feel, between him and his wife.

Would it bother me if my FI ended up spending a lot of time with a girl like that?  Maybe.  But you have to be able to trust him, for better or for worse, unless HE proves he can't be trusted.  Whether or not you trust HER is irrelevant.

SoSaysTara

The biggest thing I think that you have to remember is that there is no way in life to control the actions of all of these other people.  There are always going to be trashy girls going after married men.  There will be some of these trashy girls going after YOUR MAN at some point in your life.  (He's hot, successful, a good pick! etc.-- I'm assuming, because otherwise you wouldn't be choosing to marry him!!!). 

You chose your FI because of all of the qualities that will make him attractive to other women.  However, I am assuming that you also chose your FI because you trust him and know that he knows how to behave in these types of situations. 

Try really hard to remember that your FI loves you and will be making the right choices (this is why he chose to marry YOU!). 

I know it sucks, but thinking these things is the only thing that keeps me sane.  :P

Danidawn20

I think it owuld bother me. But as Dr. PB said w don't know if they did anything/.

sweet_melissa81

You guys are spot on! I can't control how other people behave and I can't tell them how they should behave either! It is really none of my business what other people choose to do. He may or may not have gone home with "this" girl... we don't know where he ended up! 

 I completely trust my fiance and it's never been in question.

I  just feel really annoyed by the double standards. I think if the roles were reversed and us girls acted this way with a man whether we slept with him or didn't sleep with him... we would be called some very bad names.

I feel annoyed by the fact that some people think that this behavior is okay. I'm purely talking about the behavior not anything sexual. I just feel like it's disrespectful to the sanctity of marriage.

chelseakopperud

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_disturbed-share-super-long-ramble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:4bb8e078-8230-4b14-aa64-2e562c204351Post:7d7c8c1a-18b0-4956-853d-2cf2a877b493">Re: disturbed and have to share *super long ramble*</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate trashy girls. And the moron guys that go for it. To answer your question, that would bother the crap out of me.
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]

This exactly. Girls like that make my skin crawl. Most of them think they are super cool too....since when is flirting with (or more) married men cool or even ok?

SoSaysTara

Melissa, you're right that it's disrespectful, but truly it IS the way people act.  It's not a good thing by any means, but try not to let other people's bad decisions affect you too much personally.  Other people acting a-fool does not diminish the value of YOUR marriage, only their own.

Danidawn20

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_disturbed-share-super-long-ramble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:4bb8e078-8230-4b14-aa64-2e562c204351Post:c35f19ff-9ebd-4548-a5ee-cdff80926677">Re: disturbed and have to share *super long ramble*</a>:
[QUOTE]Melissa, you're right that it's disrespectful, but truly it IS the way people act.  It's not a good thing by any means, but try not to let other people's bad decisions affect you too much personally.  Other people acting a-fool does not diminish the value of YOUR marriage, only their own. :)
Posted by SoSaysTara[/QUOTE]
  This

lopezalonso

I would also feel very uncomfortable with this but ultimately there is nothing I can do. I just have to trust FI and know that whether this girl works with FI or not, there will always be girls like this everywhere. It seems like you have already spoken with your FI about this which was my next suggestion. 

It is very scary to see or hear about married people cheating, or possibly cheating. Especially since we are on our way to get married. It sucks.

sweet_melissa81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_disturbed-share-super-long-ramble?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:4bb8e078-8230-4b14-aa64-2e562c204351Post:1d95e683-d95d-4e93-bf2b-871ac6b53353">Re: disturbed and have to share *super long ramble*</a>:
[QUOTE]I It is very scary to see or hear about married people cheating, or possibly cheating. Especially since we are on our way to get married. It sucks.
Posted by lopezalonso[/QUOTE]

Exactly!

I totally trust fiance and I don't think he would think that it would ever be worth it. 

 I asked my fiance if there were any updates and he said that he asked his friend if they found out what was up with this guy and his friend said that he wasn't sure,  but this friend and another guy who was there last night all said that they did not have a good feeling about it, so they're all thinking the same thing that we've been thinking. That's the other thing! If he wants to play around he shouldn't put his friends/coworkers in this kind of predicament either!

MMRoberts11

I agree with everyone so far.  It would bother me too.  I hate seeing trashy girls act that way and the morons that get with them. 

LAJ023

It would bother me for the fact that you are friends with these guys (& their wives)  so it does put you in an uncomfortable situation. If FI's friends were acting like that I would be really disappointed & annoyed!