Officiant troubles

kaitlinmainhart

We are having so many propblems trying to find an officant for the wedding. Both my fiance and I are Christan, and we would like to find a minister to marry us at the reception location. However, we keep getting turned down because we live together. I am so frustrated. I just feel like I keep getting judged, and we have been turned down by 2 pastors already just because we live together and are not willing to find seperate housing until the wedding. Most of the online for hire pastors are already booked. My only other thought is a justice of the peace coming and marrying us, but I don't even know how to find one. What should I do?

Cassandra999

You might be able to find some online in your area.  Check weddingwire.com.  We found ours online, he is willing to customize the ceremony as much as we want.

KrisKenny

That stinks. Hope you find someone.

That's why I'm so glad my pastor is so down-to-earth. Heck, for our last pre-marital counseling session, we had dinner and drinks at a restaurant then went over to the bar area and talked for a while more while having a few more drinks.

peachykeen26

I think it is understandable to be turned down by a minister for living together. It's typically frowned upon in the Christian community.

HOWEVER!!!!!!!! I still think it SUCKS! We were turned down and I live with his SISTER for goodness sakes. Just saying.

I hope you find someone. GL!

daria24

What denomination have you tried/are you looking for? Have you tried Unitarian ministers? They are about as liberal as you can get. Also FYI in PA the JOPs are called 'District Magistrates"-you pretty much just look up a list of magistrates for your county and start calling. Have you tried calling the county clerk in the county you are getting married in and asking if they have a list of officiants? Also try asking your photog, florist, venue, etc.

kaitlinmainhart

I understand him turning us down I guess, I would never want someone to marry us if it made them uncomfortable. I just wonder how the majority of the world gets married. A lot of people live together before getting married because it's what they have to do financially, plus I personally think it has better prepared me for marriage. I am not willing to lie about my circumstances which i'm sure some people do to avoid this kind of thing.

Cassandra: I will definitely check that site out! Thanks!

Kris: You are really lucky I wish I could find a pastor like yours!

Peachy: I agree it is understandable, it just sucks. Your situation doesn't sound much better! Good luck to you as well.

Daria: I just want a Christian minister if at all possible. Those are some excellent suggestions! Maybe I can find one now that I know what they are called. Thank you so much!

kaitlyn142

You just have to keep trying until you find one that will compromise. The priest marrying us just gave us a "that's a no no, but I understand" lecture. The priest at the church I'm attending now just made us promise not to have sex. Oh, and to sleep in different rooms if at all possible.

Zimsgirl

This is gonna sound bad to some but we told our priest we're not living together by giving separate addresses. I'm Catholic and don't know if it's the same for other Christian relgions but you're gonna be hard pressed to find someone that will marry you outside a church if Catholic. It's not recognized by the Catholic church if it's not in a church

LindzMarie19

That definitely sucks! My pastor told us he would marry us and didn't even ask any questions, which i was happy with. My situation is a little different. I technically have my "own" apartment, but i stay 99.9% of the time with my FI in his apartment. If and when my pastor asks us if we live together ( and im sure he will!) i'm not going to lie to him, although, i hope it doesn't change anything.

I wish you the best of luck in finding a pastor or whom ever

L&J2012

We found ours on weddingwire.com and she's awesome! We're doing a non religious ceremony but she has officiants who only do religious ceremonies. You should check out that site, and if that fails then see if you can find a JOP.

kaitlinmainhart

I totally don't blame anyone for lying or misleading a pastor. I feel like you almost have to if you want to get married. We weren't willing to lie basically because my fiance is being stubborn on the point of saying that we shouldn't have to lie to get married, I definitely considered it especially since we have both an address and a PO Box I could have wrote down different things without technically lying. I feel like all these pastors saying no based on this principal alone just encourages lies. I almost wish they just wouldn't ask I guess, or like Kaitlyn said just say it's a no no. Mine was like it's a problem even if you aren't having sex because no one will believe you live together and don't have sex. He literally started looking for a roommate for me to live with from the church. Sorry I guess I am ranting, is it just me or does being in the wedding planning process make us extrasensitive crazy people at times?

Zimsgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_officiant-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:4cbb8020-6022-4491-bf7c-bb04637da778Post:90563756-3783-47e6-b7f1-dc485f963b9c">Re: Officiant troubles</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally don't blame anyone for lying or misleading a pastor. I feel like you almost have to if you want to get married. We weren't willing to lie basically because my fiance is being stubborn on the point of saying that we shouldn't have to lie to get married, I definitely considered it especially since we have both an address and a PO Box I could have wrote down different things without technically lying. I feel like all these pastors saying no based on this principal alone just encourages lies. I almost wish they just wouldn't ask I guess, or like Kaitlyn said just say it's a no no. Mine was like it's a problem even if you aren't having sex because no one will believe you live together and don't have sex. He literally started looking for a roommate for me to live with from the church. Sorry I guess I am ranting, is it just me or does being in the wedding planning process make us extrasensitive crazy people at times?
Posted by kaitlinmainhart[/QUOTE]
I feel like it's rare to find couples that aren't living together these days. My mom and dad were living together when they got married and almost didn't get married in that church because of it. My mom told me to give them 2 different addresses so we could get married there

Shelly527IN

We just met with our pastor Friday. I wasn't sure what to expect. The only thing he insists on is that both parties are saved. He said a marriage is hard enough without having one person saved and the other not. He didn't not officiate his own daughters wedding because her fiancé wasn't saved! I completely understand. He's a fundamental Baptist--we are old fashioned by nature!